EnderFlash

Notes He was mumbling to himself when cream fur blocked his view. Jumping back, he spat the hairs out of his mouth. This is a bit disjointed, since the first ...

Notes The bird crashes back into the grey road below, its feathers flying. As in, flying off? Or is the bird flailing around? It's a nice effect to have feathers ...

Notes Divinity's entrance in paragraph nine is really sudden... As in, I thought it was Rick talking until the paragraph after the next has the tag "she says". It wouldn't ...

Notes Everyone's taking this remarkably well. Especially Martin, or at least on the outside, considering how nervous he was before. I'll wait until I can get an actual glimpse on ...

Notes I mentioned something along the same lines the last review, but I'll do it again, since it can't hurt: the first and second paragraph should be together, since they're ...

Notes Divinity getting the ink on her forehead seems a bit unlikely. Usually (and don't take my word for this, since I barely read newspapers), that'd only happen if you ...

Well. Suggestions/Inquiries on Details Saltwater floods his palms, and his shoulders shake. Do dragons, um, cry harder or something? If not so, then you're probably using this line as hyperbole, ...

Note: This review has been deleted
.... Aw, shoot. I submitted the review twice again. Please ignore this.

... Interview with Squills? I apologize if I'm being nosy (because I am, really), but it seems like that contained information and it'd be nice if I could know a ...

Darren's class-finding process in the beginning makes me raise an eyebrow. Normally, someone would just remember their class via routine and not through a roundabout way. Not impossible, just a ...

Never take United Airlines. I am not looking forward to that seven hour drive to San Francisco... And gosh-dangit if I won't fall behind reviews even more. I have NHD ...

Let's get started with something small: From the second- and third-last paragraphs, I get that the dialogue is pretty long, but there's no reason to split it into two paragraphs. ...

Happy Holidays, Astral! There's no snow where I live (and there never has been or will be), but we have a brightly decorated Christmas tree and I'm listening to just ...

Happy Holidays! It's a wonderful time of the year, and I'm struggling to not open the presents until Christmas. Well, actually Christmas Eve, since I'm going on vacation on Christmas. ...

I'm behind... but still not the most behind! Not that that justifies anything. Winter break is upon us, though, so I hope to catch up before leaving for vacation. Ugh, ...