EmilyofREL

You're so welcome! I recommend this fantastic resource for ideas of how to "show don't tell". :)

Thanks for commentary! This is only part of what will eventually be a 2-act play. I'm still learning to write stage directions--sorry about the confusion :)

Good catch! I'll keep that in mind if I need a replacement. :)

Thank you, Panye! I really appreciate you taking the time to be so detailed! :) I'm going through it with a fine-toothed comb for flow, grammar, and spelling, like you ...

Thank you so much for the feedback. I appreciate the nitpicky things--I always miss those! I'll have to go back through it with a fine-toothed comb for tense jumping--seems to ...

That what I meant, the author had it as two words when it should be one. Just a typo :)

No problem. There are some good ideas that just need more clarification and explanation. Good luck!

Thank you! I'll fix the typos--every time I think I've gotten them, someone finds more :p The "reluctant" was a word I wasn't sure about. I might think of what ...

Thank you! I usually feel the same about telling, but in this case it gives the necessary background in a very personal and emotional way. I'll fix the grammar issues. ...

Hi Sarah! Thanks for reviewing. Glad you liked it! I understand what you mean about the dialogue and I'll try to remember to go back and fix it. Are there ...

Be harsh on the critique of the writing/grammar, lenient on formatting and typos. I'm on my phone!

What's your page/word count limit?

So take out more of the description of the surroundings and replace it with the internal sensations.

Thank for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed this piece. Yes, Amanda's slip-up of Shawn's name was intentional because she's angry and intoxicated. Good point about the last two paragraphs. ...

Thank you so much! What a sweet review! I was wondering about the level of description, so I'm glad you thought it was just-enough. This is just a little taste ...