Emerson

Chapter 3: (Hopefully more to go into the master copy!) With Tannar, at least she could have commiserated, albeit silently, about the tediousness, but the Vocilias listened with rapt faces ...

Chapter 2: Chancellor George Etteridge sat alone in his office, with a glass of brandy in front of him and hating the every single minute that passed without the phone ...

Chapter 2: Karenna smiled rather more warmly as the twins came and clustered around her like kittens around a mother cat. 'rather more warmly' doesn't really work. if you're going ...

I'm back for more! Hee Hee. Chapter 3: I woke later in the sand felling a little peculiarly stranger than usual. remove 'peculiarly' The first thing I noticed besides the ...

It was there, sure and solid. She resisted the urge to bring it out and open it; that would be foolishness supreme. I don't like the word supreme here. it ...

Thanks Gibson. I think I'm going to add a notice to the top... I don't really want any more edits, I have enough under my belt! and with NaNoWriMo coming ...

Much better! You did good for a 200 limit :-D I still don't understand the 'welcome' thing, welcome to what? He walked faster this is one thing that I didn't ...

well I thought so because "I reflected on how out of all the things I could not remember as a child I remembered the day we found him" is one ...

Alright, I'm finally back for more... I am growing wearing, and thin of patience." Growing Wearing? or Growing Weary? but I assumed he had flem caught his air pipe. he ...

Well, I know what you're trying to go for, but you don't need to drop f-bombs. That might have an opposite affect, it may make you look bad. Use actions, ...

Hey snoink :-D I haven't read over all your critique (I know I'm lazy!)But I have already worked a little on the beginning, so don't worry about that being boring. ...

well of course its repetitive because its a song, but I still think it does way too much of it. Maybe with music, it wouldn't be so noticeable?

I was only trying to critique, and thus improve, sureal's writing. You don't have to take a stab at me for that. Critiques are all up to opinion. And, either ...

Thanks you two :-) I'm rather impressed by your critique Cassandra! I love my work being riped to pieces and told "GET BETTER!" It's my favorite! I feel like I'm ...

It seems I beat you, Cassandra :-) I have my very poor synopsis above. I'll try to find another, better one out there on the web... Taken from the description ...