Elocina

Wow... I've felt like that sometimes..... I liked that part about "my" brother being autistic. I've grown up around one, and I know how they act. That one word describes ...

Another tip would to be to describe the landscape in someplace besides the begining. Description slows the story down, and whenever I see it in a book, I typically skip ...

You don't necessarily have to cut out all of the descriptions. Start it out with some action done by Tirian, then add some personal thoughts of his. Add descriptions after ...

Sometimes things just get overlooked. Other times, it's long enough that it may take a couple setting to get through, and a few notes. I've done a handful of critiquing, ...

hey, I promised i'd read this and i did, it just took me wayyyyy too long to post. You should replace 1 'barbaric' with a synonym. If you could break ...

:P Cool :P A werewolf! Hmmmm. Right, critiquing. In the first 2 paragraphs, you used 'He' wayyy too much. You don't want to use 'werewolf' there, though. That's a pleasant ...

Sorry I didn't get to this sooner. I'm not apologizing to you only, El, but to myself as well. Why didn't I read that sooner? Hey, I said I was ...

Hey, finally got time to read. Ok, here's what I found that AOA hasn't pointed out: Putting distance between her ex-captors was the only thing on her kind Did you ...

Hmm. Since i'm the first reply, lets start traditionally, K? SPELLING: ....The clear waters revealed sleens and craeres , their.... Can't find in dictionary. OTHER: .....The plants withered, the water

Hmm. I can't think now. It's only 9 p.m., but it feels like 11. I agree with Tessitore. In the begining your characters are kinda transparent. All that can be ...

I don't care what the others say. I like Ama'Ali. She's got a quirky, outgoing attitude that sets her apart from every other character I've ever read about. No matter ...

It's interesting, though a bit of background could do a world of wonders. I'll assume that is covered previously. Just so you know what I mean by 'background', I mean ...

Wow. I need some tips from you on writing action. Just watch your grammer/spelling. You used 'too' when it should have been 'to'. “Take me too him,” and on command ...

I didn't know that 'civilized' could be spelled 'civilised'. I guess it's like saying 'trainers' instead of 'sneakers'. No hostility against me, please. I just like to compare countries. :D ...