Elelel

Matchmaking parents! Hehe! I was almost hoping this would be the guy she fell for, seeing as she walked in all dirty. Your dialogue seems a little flat, not just ...

This shows a promising plot that could develop in following chapters. It seems very fast, years are passing in the blink of an eye, but I can see the dilema. ...

I really liked the idea of the underwater races. It was really interesting, I liked how they breathed in chemicals and used soundwaves, it wasn't just like they were people ...

Well, I saw a developing plot there. And while it was a little too fast, but really it's not that bad. Nothing a little editing and planning can't fix. A ...

I think it flowed fairly well, actually. It really could have been the beginning rather than the middle of a story. Before it got to the bit with the immortality, ...

*edges towards story very slowly* ... I can do this. It's short! I can, and I shall do it well! MWAHAHAHAH ... ahem. I really liked this. But wait! That's ...

I liked it! The first sentence brought me right in there, like I was next to Bren. But then it got a little vague. I had no idea Nimterrin was ...

I'm Australian, so like some others I'm not sure if I can really help you, but I'll give it a go anyway. I'm not sure when it happend our time. ...

Well you asked for my opinion, so I'll warn you right now I'm not a poetry person. So I really can't help much, but I'll try anyway. Oh yes, and ...

That's pretty interesting. So the shopkeepers were all terrified of these children? That makes sense, but there's something that won't click right in my mind about it ... probably just ...

Bubble! You can write stories as well as peotry, why didn't you say? Personally, I liked it. If I picked up a book in a book shop and read this ...

Well, I can't really add anything to that. I liked it, I liked the conflict and confusion in it. I think I agree with pretty much everything Carmina said ... ...

I love this, it just sort of washed over me as I read it. Night calls the living thoughts Day remembers them with fuzzy detail I liked that bit the ...

Nice. I like it. The Disolved safty poured onto the flower beside. The imprint of a touch adored slowly circulated into the void. You picked up a bit of a ...

It does sound like the start of something ... or a little poem at the beginning of a story. It's good, it doesn't sound forced or anything. Quite often rhymes ...