Earthfire713

Thank you! And just so everyone knows, the reason that this is put in Fantasy Fiction is because I am going to add in some fantasy stuff later.

I loved it! Are you writing more?

I'm sorry, but I really didn't understand it. The pessimist you're describing seems more like an optimist. I loved your imagery, though!

That was awesome! It had a good hook, and got me interested right away. Could you, at the beginning, put more of an indication that Eli is different from other ...

That was really good. Could you just put more of a hook at the beginning?

I love it! You should put this in poetry, though.

I loved your description, and the character's thoughts. The only thing that's wrong is some grammar mistakes. Great job!

That was really good! The one thing that confused me was that sometimes it rhymed and sometimes it didn't.

I agree with Taluhlabelle. It was good, but it was hard for me to pay attention. Could you work on getting a good hook at the beginning?

Thanks! I'd like to change the onomatopoeia thud to something different. Any suggestions?

At first I thought it was greed, but now I think it's time. Um...I can't think of anything that's wrong with it. I agree with GryphonFledgling about the rhyming, though. ...

Hi! The only thing I found was when her brother "burbled" something. It just sounds like he's a baby, so could you change that? I love your intense imagery though.

That was such a great story, I almost started to cry. You did so well at describing things through a little kid's eyes and how you felt. I couldn't find ...

This poem is in honor of The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien. I hope it's not plagiarism.

Hi jojo! This was really good, and I especially love the prologue. Somewhere in the prologue, could you put some indication of who the speaker is?