DragonWriter

This is better. However , I would like to see some verried beginigs. He and she are ok begings of sentens in restraint but not one after the other. ALso, ...

this is nice. Do some editing and itr wil be better. DO some more editing and it will be oerfect. It all come to editing. If you are a horrrible ...

I think i am addicted by new moon and twillight. I have read twilight at leat 12 times, and newmoon like 18 times. I have both hard back, but they ...

This is a great poem. When I read this poem, I feel the things, and I can hear your voice. I do not see any gramatical errors, however I'm the ...

Ok, i have one thbig fact to say. I AM CONFUSED! This is verry, verry confusing. I do not uderstand, the heart, the man, the bf, and the surviving. Oh, ...

This is great, but in a horiffying and gorish way. I beleive you have done excellent job in the detailing (a tiney too much in the goiriness, but beggers caint ...

This Is okay, however, I totally agrre with AmeliaOliver when she saw to WRITE MORE![ I do like how you added a name, though. More to the point, we need ...

I totally agree with both of the previous crits. You need to have sentence veriaty. All your sentances have she, as the begining. Maybe instead of she, put her name. ...

I like it, I love it, I want some more of it. This was a great storry. I beleive I am officially addicted to this plot. I disagree with whoever ...

Okay this was umm, a good start. I, umm , well, umm , i am just speechless, which is actually verry rare. How lonbg did you spend on this . ...

I like it . i love it, and want a tylenol for my aching eyes. Tooooooo much storry im sioch a small thred. AHhhhhhhhhhh, stinging eyes. My euies burn. I ...

I absolutly love the idea. I mean this is a diamond, in raw form of corse. However I beleive if you do some major polishing, editing,and tweaking, you will have ...

You need to do some major editing, but the gist of it was great. Add a few more deatails, less repeating, some more dialouge,and you will have the best storry ...

The idea is still great, however you still did not edit it before you post. Get a friend or family member to read over it, without you interupting them, so ...

This is a great idea. I absolutly love the plot, and the characters. However this story could do with some magor editing and twiking here and there. THere are a ...