CluelessJay

Thank you, I'll take into consideration points you've made.

The grammar, punctuation and 'wordy' paragraphs is something I was a bit weary of, thank you.

Thanks, looking back now that you pointed it out I actually see what you mean by the time-jumps being confusing. This was helpful.

I usually don't read a passage and giggle, I enjoy your style of writing, quite unique and intriguing.

This is pretty cool ^_^. Keep going!