Cade

He’s brushing his teeth beneath the yellow bathroom light, thinking Liberace, thinking Village People. Was that really necessary? Fantastic edit! :D Colleen

That felt...off. Looked up uncertainly. I don't like the word uncertainly. Well :) that is probably the most meaningful word in the poem (given its subject!) so removing it might ...

Very interesting. I liked the dialog you put in. It could use some spelling edits but otherwise I found this very affective. Good job. This poem has spelling errors? What? ...

I do like the new words. Yeah, if it needs explaining...well, explain it, actually, I'm curious. I do get a feeling out of this, but it's a little fuzzy. I ...

I think it meant that the dancing with the ball and chain was causing the heart to race. The subject's face was not making the speaker's heart race. Colleen

The Problem: you are reading too much into the poem. What I am saying is not beneath the words--it's already on them. The tricks the poem mentions all have this ...

Well, I realize that...never mind, I can't write anything coherent right now. Lastly: I spoke earlier of the poem's struggle to work like a trick. The crux of this is ...

One could also consider "chionophobia" to be "the fear of snow," instead of the novel I am working on. I think it works in a number of ways. Yeah, but ...

I didn't say that you left nothing to the imagination. I just think some subtlety would be nice. Describing the actions in a way that leaves nothing to the imagination ...

I really wasn't that helpful, but you're welcome. Yeah, I'm terrible at rhyme, too. You could try rewriting this in free verse.

I've heard this before, out of the mouths of my weird friends. If it's not yours, perhaps it should not be posted here? Really, write something of your own. Colleen

I'm glad it's over. Of course, everyone at school had their V-Day festivities today, so I still had to put up with it. The single red rose in the snow ...

Dvorak has been embarrassingly performed in a nearly empty high school auditorium! I can now say more about this poem. The middle stanza is too long. I suggest dividing it ...

Short is not necessarily bad. What it needs is a place to go, regardless of length. Dragging out the description will make it worse. Adding a stanza to give it ...

The "thy" is still weird, though, because it's not in the last stanza. In terms of clarity...the title is the first step. While it's fascinating to have a cool title ...