BadNarrator

I see now. Where I'm from bar can refer to either the actual counter where drinks are served or to the establishment itself. I guess when my eyes move to ...

TinyDancer, thanks for the feedback. I'd love to review your work. I'll take a look at it tonight. one thing though, can you mention some specific sections in which the ...

Thanks for the feedback guys. To megsug: The "Look:" is sort of a stylistic thing. I started using it at the beginnings of my stories a little more than a ...

Thanks for the feedback guys. To Snoink: I've never read "Naming of Parts," but I'll take a look at it. It's interesting to read your response to the last stanza. ...

dreamybanana Thanks for the review. I know the summary dialogue can be a bit troubling sometimes. The problem is that in short stories I have such a limited amount of ...

Thanks for the responses. jashbagabaldo (your username's a mouthful) I see what you mean. It is lacking in imagery. I'll keep that in mind for revision. Thanks.

This sort of reminds me of Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. A great book. I suggest reading it if you get a chance.

Hi BadNarrator! Welcome to YWS! Okay, I'm quite certain that the biggest problem in this piece is the punctuation and overall set-up. It is very hard to tell where on ...

Hey Narrator "...up on a hill where you could see the river..." Suddenly switching to second person is something that's best avoided. Here you've kind of put your reader in ...

Writersdomain, thank you for your feedback. It is much appreciated.

Is the boy Jonah or someone else? THat was sort of confusing, didn't really make much sense. I'd suggestest maybe slowing down, adding more detail and emotion To, be honest, ...