AyumiGosu17

Okay, I'm gonna talk to you a little bit. There's nothing too seriously wrong with this, but maybe try the following tips. Parallelism. Keep your verbs in the whole post ...

It was almost sunset when Kai was on his way him. Shouldn't that be "home" instead of "him?" Kai gasped as he saw someone standing directly in front of him. ...

I'm critiquing as I go... There are a lot of parallelism mistakes. Like this for instance: “Thanks Mom.” Kai took a seat at the table and started eating. His house ...

Wow!!! This is awesome, Dynamo!!!! I would certainly buy it if you had it published!!!!! This reminds me a lot of the 3rd Inuyasha movie. You remember how it starts? ...

Serge was the one in red armour and Simmons was the one in maroon, which is kind of like a dark red. I'm sorry, but your verbs aren't parallel in ...

Well, it's my turn! :twisted: You're period happy! Jeez! You know, you could make these complex sentences...make it interesting, but whatever. It's just how I like to write... Like here: ...

Timea-chan... Now time for MY critiques! :D :lol: Warm blood on cold skin. A kunai driven deep into an opponent’s chest. The hoot of an owl. And a full moon. ...

All right, I won't be so mean. You know how I am. My friends are unicorns and dragons, wolves, snakes and winged horses. Hmm. You should probably write it this ...

Not a bad prolouge. It's doing its job and drawing in the reader. But may I suggest a few things? You need to describe the people and emotions better if ...

That's awesome! Documents from the first World War! Awesome discovery! You might want to read through this post, though. There are several minor typos, like a ";" in place of ...

Eolen bent down to pick up his sword as he saw Jared leave, Tea collapsed in a pathetic slump her [s]legs[/s] lengthy legs exposed[s], [/s] . he ignored this and ...

Yeah, you've definately edited! I noticed some changes in chapter one, but then, I hadn't read it in ages! Haha! There were a few errors, like leaving out a letter ...