Attolia

I really like the story you have so far. I like this chapter much better than the last... it gets straight into the action. Your first chapter had too much ...

Hey. I thought this was good, but parts were kind of confusing. It hasn’t been the same, she said, it’s not your fault. I didn’t have to be here. She ...

Hey. I really liked this. I think you captured his grief and his descent into insanity perfectly. Oh, you’re leaving? asks one of the cops, but I can’t tell who. ...

“Nikolina!” the queen, my mother, Ingrid, called. That's kind of overdoing it. I'd just say "my mother the queen" or something to that effect. Her name isn't that important; you ...

Hi! In this piece you fall very guilty of telling instead of showing. Instead of telling us about your character's past, show us. Give it some action, with flashbacks or ...

Hey. :) First of all, you can write really well. You have a clear, smooth, and direct narrative voice that I envy. I thought, in theory, this piece was very ...

Okay... That bad huh? Guess I'll find something to do with my life. I was thinking about enlisting in the Air Force. lol Seriously though, any feedback will help me ...

Hey, AM. (Do you like to be called that?) As a whole I found this entertaining and easy to read. Ash Maverick is a total witch! Literally. She just doesn’t ...

Hey Forestqueen. She was lying, my parents weren’t dead! They were at home, still alive. Dad was making French Toast and sausage while mom was squeezing orange juice from fresh ...

Hi chrisscoff! It was almost the end of La Liga, and the Real Madrid squad was starting to feel defeated as they were still behind Barcelona. First reading this line, ...

I really like this. You did your characterizations really well; I feel like I have a grasp of who your characters are. Great dialogue, too. The only thing I have ...

Great work, sorry I can't really find much to comment on. Only this I would say is this - and this is very nit-picky: “How do you even know my ...

I loved this. While there were some awkward phrases and probably some grammatical errors, I'm not one to get real nit-picky with critiques, and I can't find any real pressing ...

I liked it, you can write really well. One thing though, it was a bit over-descriptive for my taste; by the second paragraph I was kinda thinking "I get it ...

Good job. I liked how it wasn't your cliche high school story about girl meets boy :). But mostly I just wanted to correct your Spanish. Now, the extent of ...