It was almost the end of La Liga, and the Real Madrid squad was starting to feel defeated as they were still behind Barcelona. The original members of the squad started to wonder why Perez bought these new players with giant egos, who had no skill to back up their large pay checks, but such remarks had to stay within the inner circles or else their contracts would be at risk.
The usual group --Iker Casillas, Guiterrez Hernandez (Guti), Sergio Ramos, Marcelo Vieira and Raul Gonzalez-- were in the locker room cooling off after another practice, but the ice cold water couldn't remove the steam that was coming from the group after dealing with the "pampered brat" for another day.
Cristiano Ronaldo signed to Real Madrid this summer making him the most expensive footballer in the world! His new record transfer fee was only to out done by him having the largest ego in the world; an ego that would separate him from the rest of the team. The original members did not care about having a new player, as they were experienced footballers who were used to having friends come and go, but this man was certainly no friend. Cristiano's demands became more and more outrageous as he wanted his own changing room, special accommodations, and even a higher salary than the Real Madrid legend Raul! But, being used to the pampering Cristiano bitched and complained until he got what he wanted.
After trying to freeze himself in the shower, Sergio got dressed and left to his palace, a place any many would call a castle, but to Sergio, it was a dungeon, a place he had to stay locked up, and alone because he hadn't found that special someone yet.. that someone who could have turned that empty house into a home. Sergio had relationship problems in the past, first dating a TV host who was only interested in him for his money and fame, then another girl who turned out to be his new team mate Cristiano's current girlfriend, but now he is so heartbroken he cannot seem to move on.
While lying in bed, Sergio received a call from his best friend and fellow Real Madrid footballer Iker, who informed Sergio of the new management team that was supposed to help the team:
“Serg! Since Piginni is leaving a new management is coming in to help keep us organized.”
“What!?! Why do we need a management? We are already organized, we just need to get that brat off the team so we can win a title!”
“Well the management team is supposed act like personal assistants to the team, but we all know their only going to be serving him. Their coming from America apparently, and we’re going to meet them all tomorrow!”
“I can’t wait”
Sergio said after hanging up the phone. Sergio was tired of all the attitude associated with the sport, he joined Real Madrid because he wanted to be a part of something great, that had the pride, ethic and responsibility that came with being a great team, but recently things have been collapsing, and he was determined to see that change happened.
It was a cold, groggy morning, the type of day that would make you want to stay inside and watch TV but Sergio had to venture out and meet the “management”. After arriving late, Sergio was pleasantly surprised that the supposed “management” hadn’t arrived! They were stuck in traffic as their flight had been delayed.
Sergio immediately started to leave as he thought this meeting was a total waste of his time. Iker grabbed him by the shoulder and made him sit as this meeting was going to change the group entirely.
The team sat in a conference room for half an hour waiting for the management. Such a long wait got the group all riled up, as they were tired and had no interest in losing their coach, or having another group of people tell them what to do, especially Cristiano who is already on a tight leash.
What the group didn’t realize, was a few minutes away from their office, was an SUV driving steadily along the Spanish highway trying to get to that meeting as soon as possible. Driving that SUV was a tall strapping young woman whose primary goal was to turn the current squad into the Real Madrid team it once was.
Captain of Real Madrid, Raul had already spoken to Adega, and warned her of feud going on between the players and told her to prepare herself for the demands Cristiano had already planned out. Ageda assured Raul that she knew everything there was to know about the marvelous player, as she was a huge Real fan and studied all the members carefully so as to know what buttons not to push
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
THANK YOU FOR READING! I appreciate the feed back, I'm a beginning writer so I will definitely look that up and start working on my next chapter.
Hi chrisscoff!
First reading this line, I have no clue what you're talking about, and in a way that would probably deter me from reading the rest. From reading more of it I realized the story was about a soccer/football team, but if I were you I would give us a hint about the nature of what you're talking about from early on. Most readers probably won't be that well-versed on this stuff. But what I'm suggesting would just be to perhaps add a simple
Other than that, you fall guilty of "telling, not showing" tremendously throughout this piece. This is just where you tell us what is happening or what people are thinking instead of showing us - readers like to be shown, through action of some sort. It is much more interesting to read that way. I'd recommend googling or looking up "telling versus showing in writing" or something along those lines to better understand what I'm getting at. It is apparently a huge rule in writing.
All in all, though, you can definitely write well; these are just the comments I found. Good luck, definitely keep writing and everything!