Aquaman21385

Let's start with the first line. "I could hear fire on the ground below, I looked out the window and saw a city in the midst of utter chaos, a ...

I think for what it is, it's pretty good I have to say. This seems like just an excerpt so I won't stress this point but who was your narrator? ...

Ok, Overall. I didn't like it. There however several things that I do like about this piece. I'm going to quickly set aside the fact that I do not as ...

Um....Yeah. I didn't like it. I felt it was a little rushed. You went into pretty much no detail about who she is. I mean what's her name? and the ...

I felt it lacked style, You should spend a little more time developing this scene. Describe the day, what was her father doing when his heart attack came on? How ...

To me it seems a bit rough. It's not the content matter I enjoy writing darker stuff too. But first thing is I think you could have gone a bit ...

I think it has alot of promise but I have to agree with angel, I don't feel really interested in reading any further as is. I recognize alot of my ...