Love, The Boy Above...

This is me second story! sorry if it's not that good, the idea just came to me! so please review it!


Dear Scarlett,
I’m so sorry, I know that I hurt you in the past, but I’ve change…honestly.
I know you probably won’t take me back, because I know your happier now than you ever been before. I see you with him sometimes, I see that the frown on your mouth has turn into a smile. I regretted that I didn’t make you smile, because your smile is so heartbreaking.
I’m sorry that I broke your heart, I truly am. You look so different now, not that your hair is longer, or that you were taller, nor was it that you looked more stunning than even. But it was because I could see you glowing in the inside, and it showed on the outside.
Maybe it is better for you, since I left …..
I can see that your life is brighter with him. It’s okay, really, I’m happy for you. But sometimes I wished that somebody will be happy for me….
Like I said, I wasn’t the old me, I’ve changed. But it took a horrible accident for me to change. I made the most horrible mistake of my life that night, I wish I could take it all back. I just wished that I lived a fulfilling life when I was….down there.
Its actually real, Scarlett, Heaven is real. Its calming here and things seems so much clearer here, but would I give anything to be back down there. To be back home, to be with you, to tell mama that I love her one last time, but it’s too late isn’t it? , To go back? , to re-do our mistakes? , to tell the one who loved us that we loved them to ?
I loved you, Scarlett, but I never actually said nor showed it. I didn’t make you happy when you were with me, as you are now with him. But it’s okay, I just want you to have a happy life, where you spend time with people that you loved……unlike me.
It’s been a year since I left, I’m glad that your moving on, try even though sometimes you still think of me. Unlike you, mama still cries time to time, even when papa tried to calm her down, and keep saying that it wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t her fault, it was mine….
I thought I had everything that any person could want, but I pushed it a little to much. She keeps thinking that she raised me up wrongly, spoiling me too much, she was wrong.
I could just only hope that she will move on and stop blaming herself.
I see it, Scarlett, It’s calling for me, I must leave now, forever. Have a happy life Scarlett, that’s all that I can wish you. Tell mama and papa that I will be meeting grandfather soon, help them in any way that you can, and tell them that I love them and I’m sorry for hurting them all this time….
I will be waiting till your time comes, Scarlett. But I really hope it would be a long time until I do.
Love, the boy above.

I like the idea of a love letter straight from heaven. I certainly never thought of having the dead communicate with the living in such a touching way. When I first started to read, I hadn't even realized that the writer was dead. However, I think you shouldn't reveal this in the middle of the letter like you did. It will have more impact if you wait until the end to reveal to us that the boy has passed away. I do have some nitpicks, nothing super exciting but little things that caught my eye.

I’m so sorry, I know that I hurt you in the past, but I’ve changed…honestly.

Should be changed instead of change.

I regretted that I didn’t make you smile, because your smile is so heartbreaking.

Why is her smile heartbreaking? For some reason this doesn't seem like the the right description.

Maybe it is better for you, since I left …..

Watch your use of ellipses, using them too much can interrupt the flow of your story and can get a touch annoying for the reader. I'd go through your story and eliminate a vast majority of them.

Like I said, I wasn’t the old me, I’ve changed.

You need to pay attention to your tense. You'll see in the above example that the underlined section is past tense and the italicised section is present tense. Switching tense like this not only interrupts the flow but also makes it confusing for the reader. I suggest reading your whole story out loud and you'll realize where you switch tense and also how to fix it.

Love, the boy above.

Here is my last nitpick. I wish you had given the boy a name instead of having him sign the letter, the boy above. Names make the character real and relateable.

That's all I have for this review. Hopefully it has been helpful and if you have any questions feel free to pm me. Keep writing, it is obvious you have potential to be great.

Wow...this was kind of beautiful. Very touching, the boy writing a letter to his lost love from heaven. I like how you show all his painful emotions in the letter, though I do have one question: if he's in heaven, how is he sending this letter, and will she ever read it? Just wondering. This is good as a short story, but I also think you maybe could make it into something longer, like a novel.
I really thought this line was lovely "I regretted that I didn’t make you smile, because your smile is so heartbreaking." It gives a perfect example of how something can be wonderful and yet sorrowful at the same time. You have several typos, but I'm too lazy to go into all that right now. Just give it a good re-read, clean it up a bit, and you will have a very nice little piece on your hands. Well done, my dear.

Hellow, Personita! I just read what you've wrote! O_O and being totally honest... I loved it! It was really sweet and cute, a really beautiful letter... even though the boy from above was dead... *Sol laughs out loud*...It was really, really good.

You look so different now, not that your hair is longer, or that you were taller, nor was it that you looked more stunning than even.

Okay... I supposse you wanted to say "or that you are taller"? Because "you were taller" doesn't make sense... since you can not get shorter. (I think! LOL) O_O So... I guess you should check that out, okay?

But sometimes I wished that somebody will be happy for me….

In this sentence you first were talking about something that already happened and then you said "will" and that is future... so I'm guessing you wanted to say...
"But sometimes I wished that somebody wouldbe happy for me"?

Its actually real, Scarlett, Heaven is real.

It's actually real, Scarlett, Heaven is real.

Its calming here and things seems so much clearer here, but would I give anything to be back down there.

It's calming here and things seems so much clearer here, but would I give anything to be back down there.

To be back home, to be with you, to tell mama that I love her one last time, but it’s too late isn’t it?

To be back home, to be with you, to tell mama that I love her one last time, but it's too late. Isn't it?

KEEP WRITTING! I want MOREEEEEEEEEEEEE! XD *Sol smiles and waves* Bye

It seems that everyone else already got the main problems. I'm not that good with reviewing anyway, but this seems like a really good story. I hope that you can keep writing more amazing stories such as this magnificent short romance story that you put on here!

Hey Books! Here to review!
Super speedy one though, hope you don't mind

So I'm not going to nitpick since it's been done and I don't feel like doing nitpicks anyway
However, as others have said, I think a love letter from Heaven is just lovely. I love this sweet and innocent feeling here and the deep thoughts that sit gently over this piece. But, I do have a few things that I would recommend you change. As opinion of mine. Maybe you should have mentioned exactly what happened to him, what caused his death and why he never showed his love to her when she apparently meant a lot of him anyways.
I wish you added some more descriptions and possibly a tad bit more emotion, I think it was lacking that special spark that makes it memorable. Anyways, other than that, this is still a pretty, cute and charming, bittersweet note. You did a good job. Sorry for the shortness of the review!

~Pink

That is so sweet.
Emotions captured=perfectly!
Thats an awesome idea, a letter from heaven, and there are a trillion ways you could expand on that.
Your description is wonderful and strong, and i think I'm crying a bit.
Amazing work
Please, keep writing
~WickedWonder

Awww, so cute!

Anyway, one of the things that I wondered about was, this guy is obviously dead, right? And he was meaningful to the girl who is still alive. And she is all happy and stuff. Did she have at lease some sense of grief for him dying? Or, did she kill him? I'm leaning toward the latter, since she's so happy and everything... or maybe she just wanted him dead? But it seems a little bit odd to not mention her grief and then subsequent recovery!

Hey Book, it's very touching and most of the correction had been review by others so I don't have much to say here.
But keep on writing because i want to read more of your stories!


Keep Writing,

Kikialicia31

I loved it. It was really cute and the protaganist really seemed to love Scarlett. What exactly happened to him to kill him? Just out of interest....

Hey guys! thanks so much for reviewing my story
and a lot of you guys are asking how did the boy died, so im going to tell you.
i imagined him dying of a car accident, not knowing he would die. i think those kind of deaths, without us knowing, still having our mistakes in life, have the most depression.

Anyway, thanks again for your review guys
and I'll be more careful on the typos next time

~Book Person~

Thats a really cute letter
I also love the idea of letter sent from heaven- this piece really gives a twist on that classic idea
Its very beautiful, and written very fluidly- i liked it alot

So yeah, there were a few typos and grammar problems and stuff, but whatever...
this writing as just a bit of fun right?

You're a really good writer!

-Ava

P.s. sorry im an awful reviewer xD

Hey Ava! thanks for the review! =3
Yes,your right, writing is fun It takes all my stress away. And no! XD you are not a bad reviewer! Actually, your a great reviewer . Thanks again!

HI! I'm Pointe and I am going to review you today!
Dear Scarlett,

I’m so sorry, I know that I hurt you in the past, but I’ve changed…honestly.

I know you probably won’t take me back, because I know your happier now than you ever been before. I see you with him sometimes, I see that the frown on your mouth has turn into a smile. I regretted that I didn’t make you smile, because your smile is so heartbreaking.
is this really the right word here? what about gorgeous or beautiful?

I’m sorry that I broke your heart, I truly am. You look so different now, not that your hair is longer, or that you were taller, nor was it that you looked more stunning than even. But it was because I could see you glowing in the inside, and it showed on the outside.

Maybe it is better for you, since I left …..

I can see that your life is brighter with him. It’s okay, really, I’m happy for you. But sometimes I wished that somebody will be happy for me….

Like I said, I wasn’t the old me, I’ve changed. But it took a horrible accident for me to change. I made the most horrible mistake of my life that night, I wish I could take it all back. I just wished that I lived a fulfilling life when I was….down there.

Its actually real, Scarlett, Heaven is real. Its calming here and things seems so much clearer here, but would I give anything to be back down there. To be back home, to be with you, to tell mama that I love her one last time, but it’s too late isn’t it? , To go back? , to re-do our mistakes? , to tell the one who loved us that we loved them to ?
these commas shouldn't be here
I loved you, Scarlett, but I never actually said nor showed it. I didn’t make you happy when you were with me, as you are now with him. But it’s okay, I just want you to have a happy life, where you spend time with people that you loved……unlike me.

It’s been a year since I left, left and I’m glad that your moving on, try even though sometimes you still think of me. Unlike you, mama still cries time to time, even when papa tried to calm her down, and keep saying that it wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t her fault, it was mine….

I thought I had everything that any person could want, but I pushed it a little to much. She keeps thinking that she raised me up wrongly, spoiling me too much, she was wrong.

I could just only hope that she will move on and stop blaming herself.

I see it, Scarlett, It’s calling for me, I must leave now, forever. Have a happy life Scarlett, that’s all that I can wish you. Tell mama and papa that I will be meeting grandfather soon, help them in any way that you can, and tell them that I love them and I’m sorry for hurting them all this time….

I will be waiting till your time comes, Scarlett. But I really hope it would be a long time until I do.

Love, the boy above.
OVerall this is a touching and beautiful story
~pointe

Thanks for the review Drama! =D I'll try to make my writing better next time
Again,thanks! that helped me a lot...