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blackbird12 wrote:she kneels in her garden as if in prayer
spine curved, knotted hands plunging in earth.
the rim of her straw hat is frayed, the gloves threadbare.
her fingers search the dirt and reach the roots
feeling for soft spots in the finely webbed tendons.
carefully she clips the deadheads,
flowers drooping like deflated lungs
thick-veined leaves curling inward—
her work is never done, banishing the death
as insects crawl into their burrows.
each year the withering comes quicker.
she lingers in her flowerbeds
cherishing a final daring bud,
her bones portending winter as she
feels a crust of frost beneath her.
blackbird12 wrote:She kneels in her garden as if in prayer Like it has been said change this to 'into'
spine curved, knotted hands plunging in earth.
The rim of her straw hat is frayed, the I think this would sound better 'her' gloves threadbare.
Her fingers search the dirt and reach the roots maybe
feeling for soft spots in the finely webbed tendons. I don't get this. How could she feel soft spots through the gloves in finely webbed roots? Roots that are finely webbed to me are really thin..
Cshe clips the deadheads,
flowers drooping like deflated lungs
thick-veined leaves curling inward—
her work is never done, banishing the death
as insects crawl into their burrows.
Each year the withering comes quicker.
She lingers in her flowerbeds
cherishing a daring final bud, I would switch the order of these back.
her bones portending winter as she
feels the frost in the earth.
the "is" sticks out awkwardly, as you've skipped it in all the others. Just removing that word would make the line smoother. As bubblewrapped pointed out, the word 'tendons' also doesn't fit: first, the sound of the word is just--flat, for lack of a better word, after the shorter, more rounded syllables of "finely webbed", and second I associate tendons more with movement, while roots, which are nutrition, seem to me more like veins or capillaries. (also, I believe "reach the roots" should be "reach for the roots"?)spine curved, knotted hands plunging into earth
the rim of her straw hat is frayed, her gloves threadbare
banishing the death
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