Young Writers Society

I’m the mad psychiatrist.

A shadow self lurking inside the pockets of the white coat,
like a tiny black imp, twisted little mouth grinning,
bent twig fingers pinching, digging deep.

Voices in my head:
policemen
druggies
lawyers
rapists
murderers.

I listen to them.
Their words twist around each other like roses and thorns and whisper like the wind,
swaying a shrunken brown chrysalis clinging to the stem.

The wind murmurs change,
but how can the chrysalis regurgitate the caterpillar? I must be a butterfly, a butterfly or nothing.

Voices in my head:
white knight
black knight
caterpillar
butterfly.


~

Hey there Wooster! Sorry for such a late review . I feel bad, but yeah, I had a hard time deciphering this poem.

I like it and at the same time I am terribly confused by it because I don't really understand it which makes me a completely awful poetry reviewer XD.

I really did like the free base of this poem though. The stanzas were different and the lengths in the sentences were strange too which made it interesting to me.

like a tiny black imp, twisted little mouth grinning,

I think that there should be 'its' after twisted. It might flow a little better.

Voices in my head:
policemen
druggies
lawyers
rapists
murderers.

I didn't really understand this part. The different types of people that is. It just seemed sort of random but, then again, I am a little to logical for poetry XP. I'm an 'in the box' thinker when it comes to poetry which makes me incapable of writing it and very jealous of people who can.

I listen to them.
Their words twist around each other like roses and thorns and whisper like the wind,
swaying a shrunken brown chrysalis clinging to the stem.

If there is anything I got from this poem is that I absolutely adore the three lines above. These were definitly the defining point in the poem, at least for me .

The wind murmurs change,
but how can the chrysalis regurgitate the caterpillar? I must be a butterfly, a butterfly or nothing

Again, what does this have to do with a mad psychiastrist?

Overall

I can't say I didn't like it because I don't really know what it means... makes me sound kind of shallow but I really didn't understand the concept of the poem so I sort of got stuck trying to think of things to say about it.

I think some of the things said in it though were interesting and beautifully written so I give you props for that!

~The.Dreamwalker

I think this is fantastic, I really enjoyed this, the way you presented the mad psychiatrist is absolutely wonderful! I imagine the years of people’s insanity rubbing off on him when I read this, I admire your poetic prowess.

One of my favourite lines of the poem is this

Their words twist around each other like roses and thorns and whisper like the wind,

I think this is really effective and artistic

The only bad thing I can think to say would be about the line

bent twig fingers pinching, digging deep.

I don't know why, but I don't really understand what it is doing there, I just don't really see what he's digging deep for, but then I'm weird.

Thank you for sharing this poem, it was excellent!

~ Roon

Hi TL G-Wooster,

Here's the review you requested

I'm kind of two minds when it comes to this poem (ha, that's actually kind of ironic...). On the one hand, I absolutely love the image of the tiny imp - you've made it very vivid and I can almost feel it's fingers pinching me. On the other hand, there were a couple of things which put me off.

Firstly, I felt the beginning lacked a hook. It was almost like running smack into a brick wall: you're the mad psychiatrist. That's funny, nice joke, but why should I be interested? It's a very self-contained sentence which doesn't really lead me to want to know more.

Secondly, while the imagery of the central stanzas is fantastic, each list made the poem slow down for me, and I found myself frustrated, not entirely sure what I should be getting from it. I don't like lists in poetry as a rule, though, so possibly it's a personal preference thing.

Those things aside, though, overall it was an interesting piece, and I think the puzzle that it presented was particularly apt given the theme. So, yeah. Kind of liked it, kind of didn't. But it definitely improves upon further acquaintance XD

Cheers,
~bubbles