So this is where you come in. I'd love your opinion on the two pieces posted below. They are exactly identical except for Victor's dialogue, and I'd like you to focus on dialogue and actions rather than details. It would be nice if you could tell me which you preferred: Victor V1 or Victor V2?
I have one more question before I let you see V1 vs. V2. This is mainly out of personal curiosity: how would you pronounce the name 'Kaissiah?'
V1
Spoiler
part 1
"My grandfather once said to me," he paused dramatically, turning his head to lock eyes with her, "the only way between worlds is love."
The rather odd boy gave a short laugh, and Kaissiah followed suit, though she found herself confused; was he laughing because his grandfather was a fraud, or because he really believed the words to be true? As Victor's laughter settled down, she also quieted, shifting nervously. "I don't mean to offend you, but… well, I'm not in love, but I'm here."
He shrugged. "I did not say my grandfather was speaking truth, but one can never know. There's nothing to say you will not fall in love in the future."
part 2
"Varian is the elder brother of my father, though you must call him 'Commander.'"
"Commander?"
"Yes… He's achieved a high rank in the organization. My father was of higher rank, but Varian is a good man nevertheless."
"So if he's 'Commander,' what are you?"
Victor shrugged. "Victor. I bear no official rank. To receive rank - and recognition - one must be extremely skilled in their respective duties… and one must live long enough to actually be eligible. " He chuckled eerily. "That would be why Varian can call himself 'Commander;' there are no others who have survived long enough to achieve that rank, and the other living members of Opsequium are either in ranks above or below him."
"My grandfather once said to me," he paused dramatically, turning his head to lock eyes with her, "the only way between worlds is love."
The rather odd boy gave a short laugh, and Kaissiah followed suit, though she found herself confused; was he laughing because his grandfather was a fraud, or because he really believed the words to be true? As Victor's laughter settled down, she also quieted, shifting nervously. "I don't mean to offend you, but… well, I'm not in love, but I'm here."
He shrugged. "I did not say my grandfather was speaking truth, but one can never know. There's nothing to say you will not fall in love in the future."
part 2
"Varian is the elder brother of my father, though you must call him 'Commander.'"
"Commander?"
"Yes… He's achieved a high rank in the organization. My father was of higher rank, but Varian is a good man nevertheless."
"So if he's 'Commander,' what are you?"
Victor shrugged. "Victor. I bear no official rank. To receive rank - and recognition - one must be extremely skilled in their respective duties… and one must live long enough to actually be eligible. " He chuckled eerily. "That would be why Varian can call himself 'Commander;' there are no others who have survived long enough to achieve that rank, and the other living members of Opsequium are either in ranks above or below him."
V2
Spoiler
part 1
"My grandfather once said to me," he paused dramatically, turning his head to lock eyes with her, "the only way between worlds is love."
The rather odd boy gave a short laugh, and Kaissiah followed suit, though she found herself confused; was he laughing because his grandfather was a fraud, or because he really believed the words to be true? As Victor's laughter settled down, she also quieted, shifting nervously. "I don't mean to offend you, but… well, I'm not in love, but I'm here."
He shrugged. "I never said my grandfather was right. But you never know. What's to say you won't fall in love in the future?"
part 2
"He's my uncle. On my father's side. His name's Varian, but don't call him that. Even I have to call him 'Commander.'"
"Commander?"
"Yeah… he's kind of high up in the ranks. My father was higher, but Varian's a good guy nevertheless."
"So if he's 'Commander,' what are you?"
Victor shrugged. "Victor, to you, and most people. I don't have an official sort of rank like Varian. To get recognition - and rank - you have to be really good at what you do, and you have to live long enough to get it." He chuckled eerily. "That's why Varian can call himself 'Commander;' there's no one else who's lived long enough to achieve that rank, and the other living people are either in ranks above or below him."
"My grandfather once said to me," he paused dramatically, turning his head to lock eyes with her, "the only way between worlds is love."
The rather odd boy gave a short laugh, and Kaissiah followed suit, though she found herself confused; was he laughing because his grandfather was a fraud, or because he really believed the words to be true? As Victor's laughter settled down, she also quieted, shifting nervously. "I don't mean to offend you, but… well, I'm not in love, but I'm here."
He shrugged. "I never said my grandfather was right. But you never know. What's to say you won't fall in love in the future?"
part 2
"He's my uncle. On my father's side. His name's Varian, but don't call him that. Even I have to call him 'Commander.'"
"Commander?"
"Yeah… he's kind of high up in the ranks. My father was higher, but Varian's a good guy nevertheless."
"So if he's 'Commander,' what are you?"
Victor shrugged. "Victor, to you, and most people. I don't have an official sort of rank like Varian. To get recognition - and rank - you have to be really good at what you do, and you have to live long enough to get it." He chuckled eerily. "That's why Varian can call himself 'Commander;' there's no one else who's lived long enough to achieve that rank, and the other living people are either in ranks above or below him."
Thank you if you managed to read through all that. xD I hope it didn't give too much away from the plot.
Note :: the character's voice will probably not be /exactly/ like either of the two above, but it's a close enough example. :'p
). Issiah - EYE-Z-EYE-A and Kai - K-EYE so Kaissiah, logically would be pronounced "K-EYE-Z-EYE-A" (Eye as in... your eye lol)
