Family Matters. Chapter 4.

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Here is the next chapter. Please tear it apart. :pirate2:

Chapter 4.

Jagger spent the night at the big house. Lilly had shown him up to the huge southern style building the evening before.

“This is where you’ll be spending the night” Lilly had informed him. “ Just don’t get to comfortable, this is where the camp leaders stay, so you sleeping here, will be a one night thing only.” She’d showed him to a small room with a cot. “You’ll be moving into Hermes cabin after tonight, at least until you’re claimed.”

“Claimed?”

“It's when your godly parent makes theyselves known.” She’d answered, as though speaking a well recited line. Seeing he was about to ask another question, Lilly had yawned. “You know Jagger, it’s late and I’m really tired. We can talk in the morning.” Jagger had wanted to protest but suddenly found he could barely keep his eyes open.

“Alright,” Jagger had agreed, sinking to the bed and kicking off his sneakers. “tomorrow.” Laying back he was asleep before Lilly even said good night.

.............................................................................................................

After breakfast the next morning, Jagger watched a orientation video for first time campers. Having read most of what it talked about in the book Lilly had given him on the drive over. Jagger only half paid attention. However, when it got to the part about being claimed Jagger had sat up and listened.

“Most demigods are claimed with in three days or less of getting to Camp Half blood” The satyr on the screen explained, with exaggerated hand motions. The video then cut away from the satyr to a clip of a boy around 12 or 13 roasting a marshmallow when suddenly a glowing symbol appeared over his head. It hovered there a minute and then faded and disappeared. The video droned on but Jagger didn’t hear anything else.

The credits had begun to scroll across the screen when the centaur walked in. Wearing an orange camp half-blood T-shirt, he had curly brown hair and a shaggy beard. From waist up he looked like a normal, fit, middle-age guy. Waist down though, was defiantly another story. Instead of two leg he had the body of a white stallion.

Click off the TV, the centaur turned to address the group of campers that had been watching it. Jagger catch sight of more than one kid with mouths hanging open and he snapped his own jaw shut.

“Welcome demigods, I am Chiron, the activity director. Here at Camp Half-blood you will receive the training you need to deal with monsters, teaching about Greek history and how the gods pertain to the modern world. There is also a lot of fun things to do as well, which is why I have arranged for each of you to be coupled with one of our regular campers.” Chiron said, motioning in a group of kids. “they can show you around the camp and help you get your bearing.”

Pulling a clipboard from a saddlebag hanging at his side, Chiron began to read off the pairs. One by one, everyone was matched till only Jagger and one camper were left. A boy with untrimmed light brown hair that stuck out in all direction. He looked around 14.

Chiron tucked away his clipboard.

“Jagger, this is Mason. He will be giving you the run down of the camp and you will also be staying at his cabin, Hermes.” Mason gave Jagger a crooked smile.

“You have anything you need to get before we head off?” He asked Jagger, once Chiron had left. Jagger nodded.

“Just a couple things.”

“Cool,” Mason said, starting toward the door. “grab them and lets get going.”

..........................................................................................................

In a few minutes they were walking through the camp. Jagger couldn’t help but marvel at the casual way Mason pointed out the Golden Fleece, the pegasus stables, and the lava covered rock climbing wall. As they pass two kids in a heated swordfight, Jagger couldn’t help asking,

“Are those real swords?”

“Yeah.” Mason said, stopping. “Did you want to try?”

Jagger just looked at him. Mason laughed at his expression.

“You’ll get used to it.”

Jagger just shook his head as he watched the swordfight. “What part? The chopping at each other with real swords, or the fact that there’s gods out there and one’s supposedly my father?” He shook his head again.

Mason gave him a half smile. “Both, believe it or not.” He started walking again and Jagger followed. As they moved along Mason kept up a continual commentary.

“Lakes down there, watch out for the naiads they’re touchy and if you make one of them mad they will ruin your life. Forges there, the Hephaestus kids practically own that place. If you need a specialty weapon they’re the cabin to go to. Archery practice.” Mason gestured to a group shooting a various targets. Jagger gave them a quick glance, started to turn away and then looked back.

Instructing the class was a girl. Her sun streaked hair was flipped into a loose bun. She wore a Camp Half-blood T-shirt with the sleeves tucked up, and her skin was tanned an even bronze.

“Who is she?” Jagger interrupted Mason.

Mason paused, a puzzled look on his face. “Who?”

“Her.” Jagger indicated to the blonde with his head.

“Ah,” Mason said, understanding dawning. “That is Chelsea, daughter of Apollo. The 3 years running champion of the archery competition we have at here every summer. She’s competitive, smart, super nice, and don’t even think about talking to her.”

That last bit threw Jagger. “Who said I was?”

Mason snorted. “Nice try, but seriously, take my advice and don’t even bother.”

“Why?” Jagger watched Chelsea send a arrow flying straight into a bulls-eye. “Is she stuck up, or something?”

Mason shook his head. “Nah, I just said she was super nice, didn’t I?”

“So what the problem?”

“ The problem?” Mason repeated the question and draped a arm over Jagger’s shoulder. “The problem amigo, is standing right over there." Mason nodded to a tree at the edge of the archery range.

Leaning against the trunk was a hulking figure. Closely cropped hair made it easy to see his blunt features. Shaving off his nails with a dagger, his eyes never left Chelsea.

“Bruno, son of Ares, 17 years old and the guy know how to inflict pain with any weapon you give him, not that he needs one. The big bully’s got a thing for Chelsea, even though she doesn’t gives him the time of day. Still, any dude who so much as blinks in her direction gets a little dose of Bruno’s tough love. You’re lucky if you survive with all you limbs.” Mason finished dramatically.

Jagger looked thoughtful for a moment, then started toward the archery range.

Mason stared after him. “What are you doing?”

Jagger turned around, walking backwards he spread his arms.

“Archery practice, I want to try my hand at Cupid’s weapon of chose.” He answered before spinning back to walk normal.

Mason stood there a second before jogging after Jagger.

“This is a bad idea” He muttered.

Chapter 5. viewtopic.php?f=361&t=87374
Last edited by Dragongirl on Sat Jan 14, 2012 10:43 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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“Lakes down there, watch out for the naiads they’re touchy and if you make one of them mad they will ruin your life. Forges there, the Hephaestus kids practically own that place. If you need a specialty weapon they’re the cabin to go to. Archery practice.” Mason gestured to a group shooting a various targets. Jagger gave them a quick glance, started to turn away and then looked back.
How would they ruin her life




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First off, this chapter had me laughing really hard at the part about Chelsea's stalker for some reason. XD

I liked it, and you are doing a great job describing the camp just like Rick Riordan. (Go girl!) ;)
It isn't schizophrenia when you write about the voices in your head and get it published. That's talent.
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Hey, it's me again Comin' to review your story :D

Alright, it's good as usual, but I have some stuff to point out.
Firstly:
“It's when your godly parent makes theyselves known.” She’d answered, as though speaking a well recited line. Seeing he was about to ask another question, Lilly had yawned. “You know Jagger, it’s late and I’m really tired. We can talk in the morning.” Jagger had wanted to protest but suddenly found he could barely keep his eyes open.

“Alright,” Jagger had agreed, sinking to the bed and kicking off his sneakers. “tomorrow.” Laying back he was asleep before Lilly even said good night
.

I'm sorry, but I find this totally and completely cliche' and it gives the character no feeling.

Click off the TV, the centaur turned to address the group of campers that had been watching it. Jagger catch sight of more than one kid with mouths hanging open and he snapped his own jaw shut.

So there are just a bunch of people who happened to find out that they are demigods in the same night that Jagger did? I mean, camp half-blood isn't that popular, there aren't multiple people showing up every day. So maybe you could mention how there was one other new kid, but there is a very small chance that there will be a crowd.

Overall it was amazing, as usual. I loved so many parts that I don't dare put them all on here in fear of spamming ;) But really, you're a great writer.
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