For the Boy Who Sits In Front of Me in Science

You barely notice me, but I notice you.
I can feel when your in a room.
When ever I see you,
I feel my cheeks begin to burn.

I only have one class with you,
But I feel like I've known you my whole life.

You like to draw and so do I.
Your energetic and happy all the time.
I feel energized by you, like I could run a mile,
And I hate running.

I love the way when you laugh
You're entire face lights up.
I love your nose,
Even though it's long.
I have no idea why I love you.

But I do.

You make school worth while.
You are perfectly flawed
In every single way.

You sat next to me durring an assembly,
And ignored me the entire time.
I could tell by tour rigged body
you were trying not to look at me.
I asked you a question afterwords,
But you ignored me.

But I can't help loving you,
No matter what.

I love you,
The boy who sits in front of me in science.

I asked you a question afterwords,

It's spelled 'afterwards'.

This was sweet. I think it would fit better in lyric poetry, but I think it's okay. I can totally relate to this piece, it's very nice.

It it weren't for the title I would have totally skipped over this. But rad sauce =]. I loved the overall gist, but the execution was a tad sloppy. I'd clean it up a little. It seemed like you meant to rhyme and some parts but not in the rest. But I sort of get that at the same time, because sometimes thats absolutely how something feels, just completely out of whack, but I dont think that was intended, haha =]. Overall a nice piece though!

This poem, was pretty good, but I feel you could have done more.Not written more, but expanded and improve what you have. Some parts sounded like they wanted to rhyme, but many parts didn't, which leads to inconsistency. I like the feeling you are trying to put in, but maybe you could add more vivid imagery.

You barely notice me, but I notice you.
I can feel when #FF0000 ">you're in a room.
#FF0000 ">Whenever I see you,
I feel my cheeks begin to burn.

I only have one class with you,
But I feel like I've known you my whole life.

You like to draw#FF0000 ">, and so do I.
#FF0000 ">You're energetic and happy all the time. maybe use a more elaborate word than "happy"
I feel energized by you, like I could run a mile#FF0000 ">;
And I hate running.

I love the way when you laugh#FF0000 ">;
You're entire face lights up.
I love your nose,
Even though it's long. Use more elaborate word than "long" ?
I have no idea why I love you.

But I do.

You make school worth while.
You are perfectly flawed
In every single way.

You sat next to me #FF0000 ">during an assembly,
And ignored me the entire time.
I could tell by #FF0000 ">your rigged body
#FF0000 ">That you were trying not to look at me.
I #FF0000 ">even asked you a question afterwords,
But you ignored me.

But I can't help loving you,
No matter what.

I love you,
The boy who sits in front of me in science.

So some contractions and replacements, but don't give up on this work. I know that if you try, you can make it a masterpiece.

I really liked this, and how you keep it simple and humorous. It really relates to those of us that have a "boy who sits in front of us in science" and it keeps the mood light but directed simultaneously. Certain lines made me smile and the others were just as good, but this one was my favorite:

I feel energized by you, like I could run a mile,
And I hate running.

It rings true and is funny at the same time. keep writing.
-Renn

UnicornNerd wrote:
I love the way when you laugh
You're entire face lights up.

This line just made me fall in love with the poem. Throughout my life, there has been two or three people who laugh, and suddenly look like the happiest human being ever. I just love people like that. I love being around them. I'm glad that somebody else actually notices.

And about the poem as a whole; amazing. Very simple, but so beautiful! Usually in poetry theres always something missing, an emptiness to them, but this just seems fabulous the way it is. Keep writing!

Many would call it cliche, but I love it. The imagery was great, and it speaks to all the people who have felt the same. Great read!

I though this was really cute. I just think it should've rhymed more considering you do have some parts that rhyme bu other than that I though it was cute,simple and we all love the guy who ignores us,you're not alone. Keep up the good job

Awhhhhhhh. After reading this I want to punch someone in the face. It was beautiful, I absolutely enjoyed it. Somethign you could fix:

You sat next to me durring an assembly, #FF0000 ">during
And ignored me the entire time.
I could tell by tour rigged body #FF0000 ">your rigid
you were trying not to look at me.
I asked you a question afterwords, #FF0000 ">afterwards
But you ignored me.

Ohmygosh, sorry but I'm touched by this piece. It's great. You put in the perfect amount of emotion. A lot of teenagers get this problem, and with your words you're connecting with pretty much everyone on this very site. I cannot wait to read more from you.

Keep Writing!

Nike

PM me if you want me to review, edit, or even just read. I'm cool with just reading because I love to read your pieces