drunk on the stars

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Almost squeamish, if it weren't for habit:
hands press stars like grapes,
make themselves into cups:
long draught from burnt fingers, burning still.

In a churlish Q, my fingers cross
and scrape skin from the bone;
these are the bones I remember,
but-- stretched-- warped.
Floorboards in the summer,
bulging and black;
the doors will not shut,
nor my eyes,
nor the stars,
swollen and stuck in the sky.

They cry and I eat up their mewls,
peddle their tears for memories and
the sweet things I never had:
there are too many places to fall asleep in the sky,
too many nighttimes, too many empty stomachs,
empty beds, empty books, empty rhythms
waiting to be something I could
forget.

I lick the starlight off my fingers after each purchase,
bottle and cork and slip it
into pockets, hands, sleeping mouths.
The quiet nights I wish I had,
the weight of sound and light,
the unexpected softness
of thunder.




Spoiler
Alright. I've had just about everyone mention the "churlish Q" thing, so I thought I'd clarify. In meditation,there are a number of different ways to carry your hands. One of the more commonly thought of ways is softly pinching together your middle finger and thumb, to make an O. However, I have use that, and made it relaxed, so that the index finger, when relaxed, curls in with your other fingers, and it instead makes a Q. I know it's a rather long explanation for something pretty basic, but it was more personal than anything I was really expecting anyone to get. :P




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I promised myself I would find a way for you to improve so that this wouldn't be a completely pointless review of me telling you that I really liked the poem (which I did, but thats beside the point xD)
This may sound silly, but how do you cross your fingers into a Q? Am I just being really useless? It's just an odd description as far as I'm concerned and if you could find something simpler for slower people like me to relate to, that might be good.
As for cliché poems, they can be good if you put your own twist on them. Which you have :)




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Perhaps your right about your title being cliché but it doesn't make it bad, I actually liked it alot. Same goes for your poem! I liked almost everything about this piece really... the way the rythm went, the amazing imagery, the sweet emotion that lies over it! The one thing that bugged me was that you seem to have no pattern in the way you built up this piece, the stanzas are completely irregular in size and length and same goes for each line seperetaly. I didn't think about until I read Icy:s review, but I agree on it seeming a bit weird to cross your fingers to form a Q... But other than those things I really, really enjoyed this piece, your very talanted!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness
"Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice." - Robert Frost




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hi LooneyPandaxx here!

May i say this poem is fab! the only thing i would say thats bad is that how the heck do you cross your fingers into a Q?!? you could refer it to something basic for us slow people! otherwise it was brill! :D




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I also love this, and I don't have much to add to what others have said. However, to clear things up, in sign language crossing your index and middle fingers creates the letter 'Q'. =)

Peace,
Indie




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:] wowww!! I've been looking through and couldn't find anything I could relate to enough to review but this actually distracted me from predator!
I love the way you've written it, the rythm and pace is smooth but quirky and the imagery is intensely clear and stimulating, especially the

'In a churlish Q, my fingers cross
and scrape skin from the bone;
these are the bones I remember,
but-- stretched-- warped.
Floorboards in the summer,'
bulging and black;

I'm not one hundred percent clear on the churlish Q (I have spent the entire time writing this trying to recreate it, I may have got it) but I love it, it's like a little mystery inside the poem, it makes it feel more deep and personal.
But the way you refer to your bones being warped like floorboards in the summer is beautiful, I've never heard the comparison before yet it's perfect and strong, amazingly visual.
And the ending is captivating, the unexpected softness of thunder. Your way with words is majestic! This speaks in volumes to me, whenever I get drunk under the stars I'll be in these sentances!
XxXxX




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This is pretty bloody great. Powerful, sensual imagery and a good scattering of some of the more obscure vocab (churlish). I have no modification to suggest other than a passing consideration of the transition from the first stanza to the second and the rest of the poem. I feel that it goes from sort of dreamy, even happy, to a bit...creepy (not a bad thing). I think a stanza or two that allows the poem's feeling to transition from that ethereal sense might make the piece a little smoother going down. Taste great--just a little lopsided feeling on that point. Keep it up.
"A being darkly wise and rudely great:
With too much knowledge for the skeptic side,
With too much weakness for the stoic's pride,
He hangs between; in doubt to act or rest;
In doubt to deem himself a god, or beast...."
---Alexander Pope, "An Essay on Man," Epistle II




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Hello Persy,

I have to say I liked this poem. There wasn't a particular aspect of it that was better than everything else. It was all amazing, honestly. I did really want to review this and I was also really struggling to find flaws in this- convenient, right! But eventually and shockingly I did find parts of this that could be ever so slightly adjusted so that this is a better poem so here I go. Oh and please don't take this review offensively I am just offering my thoughts, this was actually really good, emphasis on the 'really'.

In a churlish Q, my fingers cross
How on earth do you cross your fingers in a 'Q'?!? Please explain I have tried and tried to understand I even googled 'how do you cross your fingers in a 'Q'?' and still, nothing. It's not that it sounded bad it was just a bit confusing and it would help if we all knew what you meant by that statement exactly. My suggestion would be to either rephrase that part of this poem or just put it in spoilers at the top. Preferably rephrasing because sometimes people would see spoilers as unprofessional.

I didn't think the title was really that cliche. It was a bit fairytale-ish but it wasn't really cliche and I have never heard anything that shared to many similarities with this. Except for the stars part because obviously people like to write about the stars a lot because they are so far away and it is miraculous that they orbit life from out of nowhere but moving away from science they are still beautiful.

I wasn't sure about the organization of the stanzas. First you had a stanza with four lines, then you had a stanza of 10 lines, followed by a stanza of 8 lines and finally a stanza of 7 lines. I think it was a bit strange to have four stanzas all of different lengths. In most poems they usually have exactly the same consistent throughout the whole poem or they have some sort of pattern like 6 lines for the first 8 for the second or something like that. It's just something to think about. This doesn't help with the flow.

Overall you have written this really well. It had excellent imagery and an amazing sense of rhythm and uniqueness that I can never get right when I write a poem. I think a bit of focus on the few things that I pointed out would be great for this poem but these are suggestions and not totally necessary because I enjoyed this and I am exited to see what you will post in the near future and if you ever want a review then please send me the link and I will be there. Keep up the amazing, quality writing.

From DreamingForever




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Hello! Ariel here to leave a basic and simple review because she's low on awesomereviewingAriel gasoline. Blame the other stories; they stole my epicness.-.

First off, lovely poem! I loved how beautiful and descriptive you were! There were big words that I didn't understand, but I got the jist of it! You described the scene wonderfully, although it made hardly no sense to my limited sophomore vocabulary xD

Second, I agree with Demoness. This poem had a irregular way of rhyme scheme. The stanzas were al over the place, as were the lines of each stanza. One line was eight words long, the follower was two. Personally, it irritates me when my poems do that. I bend them to be of equal length ^-^

Third, the rhythm. Maybe it was just me (and the time, it's midnight, so bedtime in a few, mmm, sleep. Zzzz...), but I couldn't find the rhytm s chemeor any rhymes. Was this a free versed poem, or am I tripping?! Maybe you could work on the stanzas and the lines, even them out so the rhyme scheme shows up easily, instead of the reader having to search to find them. (Rhyme scheme for teh win! Yeah.)

Over-all, beautiful poem(: Keep writing and take care!

- Ariel<3'
“I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then."
- Lewis Carroll




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Love the title first of all. Not to mention the poem itself! This has to be one of my favorites on this site. Keep up the excellent work. Did I mention I love the title? :D



The most important thing is to have fun! Stress makes for distress and neither of those belong in writing!
— Kaia