Untitled Optimist Poem

Love for sake of love?
Perhaps.
Do not look upon
my sad and miserable
heart
do not look with pity
for the within the blackness
there holds a bit of
red
rose
lips and eyes
hair
and breasts,
hips
legs
black skirts
with a scarf.
(it goes with
everything.)
Just as pretty
as the day we met.

this actually made me feel vaguely optimistic after i read it. cheerful poetry is underrated.

Hello! I am here to nitpick your work! anything that has to do with flow or if I add words, its a suggestion for a word change or something like that.
Here are the nitpicks:

Love for sake of love?
Perhaps.
Do not look upon
my sad and miserable
heart.
Do not look with pity,
for the within the blackness,
there holds a bit of
Red
Rose
Lips and eyes,
Hair,
and breasts,
Hips,
Legs,
Black skirts
with a scarf.
(It goes with
everything.)
Just as pretty
as the day we met.

Those are my nitpicks. As for the flow of the piece, I thought that it was a little rough, but a good rough. Other than that, I loved the poem. So, good job, good work, and good luck with future writing!



----LostMagi

Hi there!

My comments are in #BF0000 ">red below.

WinterGrimm wrote:Love for sake of love?
Perhaps.
Do not look upon
my sad and miserable
heart #BF0000 ">I like the emotion put into these few lines.
do not look with pity #BF0000 ">put a comma at the end of this line
for the within the blackness
there holds a bit of
red
rose #BF0000 ">*
lips and eyes #BF0000 ">* #BF0000 ">I think you should take the two lines with astrics next to them and put them together. It'll halep the poem to flow better.
hair
and breasts,
hips
legs
black skirts
with a scarf. #BF0000 ">Good description here.
(it goes with
everything.)
Just as pretty
as the day we met.

I enjoyed this poem. It flowed really well and there was definitely a certain rhythm to it. Keep writing!

Hey there!

I read your poem and saw a few nit-picks I'd like to get out of the way before actually talking about your poem. Here it is:
#FF0000 ">Red- Spelling mistakes/ Punctuation
Green- Revision

Love for sake of love?
Perhaps#FF0000 ">,
Do not look upon my sad and miserable#FF0000 ">,
#FF0000 ">Heart#FF0000 ">,
#FF0000 ">Do not look with pity#FF0000 ">,
#FF0000 ">For the within the blackness#FF0000 ">,
#FF0000 ">There holds a bit of#FF0000 ">,
#FF0000 ">Red
#FF0000 ">Rose
#FF0000 ">Lips and eyes
#FF0000 ">Hair and breasts,
#FF0000 ">Hips
#FF0000 ">Legs
#FF0000 ">Black skirts
#FF0000 ">With a scarf#FF0000 ">,
(it goes with everything#FF0000 ">,)
Just as pretty
as the day we met#FF0000 ">,

I found this poem very interesting! It gave me the image of someone remembering about the first time they met their lover, just like you said in the last sentence. I really like this poem! Awesome job and keep it up!

- gleek456 <3

P.S. I put commas because that's how I usually saw poems. They had commas instead of periods.

First off I want to say hello, I don't think I've ever introduced myself, I'm Fortissimo, Ff or Forti for short.

Your poem rocks. I'm a poetry writer, but not confident enough to post my works. Kudos to you(:

Here are my suggestions, enjoy!

Love for sake of love?
Perhaps.
Do not look uponcomma,
my sad and miserable
heart period.
D do not look with pity comma,
for the within the blackness comma,
there holds a bit of
red comma, rose comma, lips period.
E eyes period.
H hair
and breasts,
hips comma,
legs comma,
black skirts comma,
with a scarf.
(it goes with everything.)
Just as pretty comma,
as the day we met.

I Like how you started with a question, it almost sets the mood or tone for the rest of your poem.

Run-on sentences, I think so! At the beginning and end you have punctuation, but none in the middle. Why is that? I would suggest you use punctuation throughout because you definitely need it in the first line.

Lastly, in the middle where you said red rose lips and eyes, it got a little confusing, trying to figure out what you were describing. Please rephrase!

Loved this. With a little work, this will be "tres, tres, bien." Good luck on this and your future poems.

Love always,
Ff

Guys, this poem was posted on December 29, 2004. Spend review day writing reviews that people are actually going to read. Otherwise, you're just wasting your time.