From the Beginning to The End

Each poem is inserted in a spoiler. Please read one at a time, by order.

I: The Secret Passage

Spoiler

Nostalgia is felt,
feel like crying;
Vanishing Point,
something to free.

Necessity
to escape;
A will
to leave.

This world,
this torture,
this desire...
(choking)

I want the paradise,
I want to be happy.
I want it now,
I know a short cut.

A dumb,
a zip,
an abstraction.
In a second,
in a passage,
I'm coming out.

Look away;
tell me what you see.
I'm going now,
it's my turn.

In a second
(Nobody will notice it!),
Full speed
and I'll pass on.

I'm taking the short cut,
to where I want to be.
It's not hard,
just imagine.

II: The Conceited One

Spoiler

-- Here it is,
here it is,
the most conceited person in the world.
Let's interview him.

-- First of all, we'll state.
That way you won't treat me.
"Conceited, conceited"? -- that's you,
not me, you can't say that.

I'm beautiful,
I'm smart.
I'm famous but...
I am not
conceited.

I'm rich,
I'm svelte, I'm slim;
I'm chic,
I'm famous, I'm in.
You see any reason
to insult me?
Can't you see the hand
that gives you the note?

But the truth is
no one,
not a soul
knows who I am,
who I might be,
what I can give,
what I receive.
The truth is:
they don't know me.

No one,
not a soul
knows who I am.
The truth is:
they don't know me.

Someone who feels narcissistic,
but who, even though, is altruist.
He thinks on others and on himself.
He's not conceited, he's altruist magnificent.

III: (The already) told tale

Spoiler

I know your
story; I've read it.
I don't like repetitions,
and that bothers me.

I know you;
I've read your story.
I don't like people repeating,
you bother me.

In a morning,
the idyllic dream.
In a second,
the worst of nightmares.

You already knew
it would happen.
You insulted
your intelligence.

You laid yourself low,
they didn't deserve it.
You brought yourself to your knees
and they laughed!

Now, go away;
get out of my sight.
I reject you, disgraceful!

You put on your hands on fire,
you didn't thought
it could burn you.

You are
stupid,
an idiot.

Here, take it.
Clean yourself.

Take
a shower.
Forget it.
So quickly you threw yourself into it,
you didn't checked what you had in front of you.
Easy, calm yourself,
It passed already...

IV: My love ran away

Spoiler

Aah! My love ran away from me.
Look for her, look for her!
I can't sit here doing nothing
so everyone should look for her!

My love ran away.
-- Hey, why are you still there?
Why don't you go searching for her?
My love ran away!

My love is lost.
-- Someone go look for her!
Everyone!
Go, go look for her...

My love left;
I'm free!
-- Oh, where did she go?
Help me, help me!

My love is gone.
Why?
-- Why!
Why?

I don't get it...
Why did she run?
I need her...
-- Help me, help me!

-- Let the APCs come,
the choppers too!!
She ran away because of me...
I still don't know why.

He, he, he! You'll never find her...
She ran away because of me...
Fools!
You'll never find her.

V: Faked love

Spoiler

Totally awesome!
It must be cool to say
you love someone!

Wonderful!
It must be great to pretend
you love someone!

Look, look!
Here they come,
here comes the faked
couple!

He, he, he!
How ridiculous must be
to be a faked couple.

Faked love...
Hypocrite love!
It should be a hit!:

She doesn't love him,
he doesn't love her;
He doesn't love her;
she doesn't love him!

Who does he love?
Who does she love?
Who does he love?
Who does she love?

She doesn't love him;
He doesn't love her.
She's seeing someone else,
he doesn't know who.

Suspense!
It must be thrilling to know
you love someone!

Spooky!
It must be horrible to know
you're not loved!

Revolting!
It must be nauseating the news
of a faked love.

VI: The Meaning

Spoiler

I search the Meaning,
not the small meaning,
but the capital Meaning!

There's the meaning
of life and death,
of birth, of passing away,
but I'm not referring to that.

There's the meaning of destiny,
the happenstance one,
the versify one, pretty one,
the rhyming a myth one,
the singing one,
the dreaming one,
the waking up one,
the falling asleep one,

the having nightmares one,
the fear one.
the justice one,
the murder one,
the crying one,
the yelling one,
the killing one,
the talking one,

the thinking one,
the judging one,
the cheating one,
the stuttering one,
the hitting one,
the escaping one,
the writing one,
but those aren't the ones I'm referring to.

I refer, so,
to the one of my desire,
the one of my will,
the one of imagining,
the one of your vision,
the one of your presence,
the one of your existence,
the one of your gaze.

I've searched your meaning,
I've searched my meaning,
I've searched so much but I've
only reached my shadow.

From the Beginning to the End II

Please continue reading.

Hi, I would only do the first and third (no second, for some reason) ones right now,
hope you don't mind...


Nostalgia is felt,
will to cry;
Vanishing Point,
something to free from.('free from' is wrong grammar-wise)

Necessity
to escape;
A will
to leave.

This world,
this torture,
this desire, ...(I'm pretty sure you can't have both a comma and a triple dots one after the other)
(choking...)(why is it in, um, whatever you english-users call them, I honestly don't know)

I want the paradise,
I want to be happy.
I want it now,
I know a short cut.

A dumb,
a zip,
an abstraction.
In a second,
in a passage,
I'm coming out.

Look away;
tell me what you see.
I'm going now,
it's my turn.

In a second
(Nobody will notice it!),
Full speed,
I'll pass on.(maybe: 'and' will fit here?)

I'm taking the short cut,
to where where I want to be.(double where, I guess it's a typing mistake)
It's not hard,
just imagine.

well, this one was very interesting, it was written in a 'wild' manner, briefs- if you may- I usually don't write that way, but I think you pulled it off very neatly.
The words themselves are just as interesting- very abstract, yet very appealing.
Good work



I know your
story; I've read it.(an interesting choice of cutting the sentence in the middle)
I don't like repetitions,
and that annoys me.(that annoys me kind of ruins it to me, it's so immature sounding, that it just doesn't fit)

I know you;
I've read your story.(almost the same here, intentionally I assume...)
I don't like people repeating,
you annoy me.(again with the annoying, and the mimicking)

In a morning,
the idyllic dream.(I don't really get the sentence here)
In a second,
the worst of nightmares.

You already knew
it would happen.
You insulted
your intelligence.(I feel as the 'you' is actually your criticism toward yourself, but I could be wrong)

You laid yourself low,
they didn't deserve it.
You brought yourself to your knees
and they laughed.(there's anger here)

Now, go away;
get out of my sight.
I reject you, disgraceful!

You put on your hands on fire,
you didn't thought
it could burn you.
(those two stanzas are great in my opinion)

Stupid,
idiot
you are.(kind of a weak one)

Here, take it
a hanky.
Clean yourself.(I really don't like this one)

Take
a shower.
Forget it.
So quickly you threw yourself into it,
you didn't checked what you had in front of you.
Easy, calm yourself,
It passed already...(maybe: 'it already passed...')


I liked this one more, it was really angry, really powerful- and I felt the 'you' was really a 'me'.
You do seem to over stretch your poems in my opinion, they're good, but truly tiring, try shorting them a bit.

Hope I've helped

Aah! My love ran away from me.
Look for her, look for her!(It is a poem, one exclamation mark is enough)
I can't sit here doing nothing
so everyone should look for her!

My love ran away.
-- Hey, why are you still there?
Why don't you go searching for her?
My love ran away! (again)

My love is lost.
-- Someone, go look for her! (And again)
Everyone, every person! (‘every person’?! what kind of a phrase is that?!)
Hey, go look for her... (My advice- lose the ‘Hey’)

My love is gone.
Why?
-- Why!!
Why???(No, just no- sorry, but this stanza is awful!)

I don't get it...
Why did she run?
I need her...
-- Help me, help me!

-- Let the APCs come,
the choppers too! (And again)
She ran away because of me...
I still don't know why.

Eh, eh! You'll never find her... (‘Eh, eh!’ Really now! I’ve expected more from you!)
She ran away because of me...
Fouls! (Huh?)
You'll never find her.
This was very wild, and a lot of it was plain nonsense, I’m really sorry- but this one is a great disappointment to me.


Totally awesome! (And again)
It must be cool to say
you love someone! (I actually like those two lines)

Wonderful! (And again)
It must be great to pretend
you love someone! (This reminds me a bit of the first, which also had this element of repeating, good!)


Look, look! (And again)
Here they come,
here comes the fake (Fake couple is the proper term)
couple! (Someone’s got a grudge)

Eh, eh, eh!! (Both the ‘Eh’ thing and the double exclamation mark?! Really?!)
How ridiculous must be
to be a fake couple.

Faked love...
Hypocrite love!
It should be a hit! (And again- also what does this even mean?)

She doesn't love him,
he doesn't love her;
He doesn't love her, (Be loyal to your punctuation style earlier- if earlier you used in the same build a comma, use a comma here too.
She doesn't love him! (Real couple issues, huh?)

Who does he love?
Who does she love?
Who does he love?
Who does she love? (This double dual isn’t really working)

She doesn't love him,
He doesn't love her.
She's seeing someone else,
he doesn't know who.

Suspense! (And again)
It must be thrilling to know
you love someone!

Spooky! (And again)
It must be horrible to know
you're not loved!

Revolting! (See? you learn.)
It must be nauseating the news
of a fake love.

That one, despite my mean notes, was a really good poem, just a bit raw. You HAVE to edit more.

I search the Meaning,
not the small meaning,
but the capital Meaning! (Good for you![just kidding])

There's the meaning
of life and death,
of birth, of passing away,
but I don't mean that one. (I think the last line could’ve been phrased better)

There's the meaning of destiny,
the happenstance one,
the versify one, pretty one,
the rhyming a mith one, (What’s ‘mith’?)
the singing one,
the dreaming one,
the waking up one,
the falling asleep one,

the having nightmares one,
the fear one.
the justice one,
the murder one,
the crying one,
the yelling one,
the killing one,
the talking one, (lost an N on the process)
the thinking one,
the judging one,
the cheating one,
the stuttering one,
the hitting one,
the escaping one,
the writing one, (Don’t you think you over-did it a bit? This is a poem- not a grocery list of meanings.)
but those aren't what I'm referring to. (Again, I’d suggest rephrasing)

I refer, so, (you wrote ‘refear’)
at the one of my desire, (‘To the one..’ not ‘at the one…’)
the one of my will,
the one of imagining, (Missed ‘one’)
the one of your vision,
the one of your presence,
the one of your existence,
the one of your gaze.

I've searched your meaning,
I've searched my meaning,
I've searched so much but I just
reached my back. (Wow, this last line is a wrecker, it’s so unclimatic! Please, please find something else!)
Loved the poem except for two mentioned points, the super long list, and the end.

Sorry if I was a bit harsh, and sorry for the delay,
but this what I have.

Alright, here to review!

First off, it should be 'From the Beginning to The End'. SubjectBlue covered most of the critiques (I was also wondering why there is no poem #2?), but I have a few of my own.

You put on your hands on fire,
you didn't think

Stupid,
idiot
you are.

Here, take it
a hanky.
Clean yourself.

I agree with Blue. The first one has a very awkward, Yoda-ish feel to it. The second line is childish and somehow strikes me as vulgar...it just interrupts the flow of the poem.

Fouls!

Did you mean 'Fools'?

the rhyming a mith one

And do you mean 'myth'?


Like I said, I agree with all of SubjectBlue's comments, as well. I'm not great at writing or reviewing poetry, but from a reader's standpoint, you have an intriguing style. Some of your stuff could use some work ('My love ran away' is not your finest work, but everyone has one of those).

Your word choice adds a very cryptic and deep quality to particular stanzas, and makes them quite enjoyable to read. 'The Secret Passage' was definitely my favorite. It had a very abstract feeling to it.

Keep on writing!

So, first of all, I would like to thank the reviewers: I own a lot of the editing to you; and thank you for spending your time reviewing my poems. I know they were a little longer than what you've seen, but this was part of a phase in which I started making one page poems, which meant all of them had to be 50 lines long. So, this time, I'll comment on my poems...

The Secret Passage

This one sets the beggining beginning of this series in a very soft, concise way. The start line is sadness, the main theme of my previous poems. Then, I look at the horizon and start to write the following poems. The reason: I want to be happy. and if I say so, it's because I'm not. In spite of abstraction, when you read it the second time, it might resemble you death, which is somehow the premonition of how it will end. You see, I had planned all the series titles before...

The Conceited One

This poem is about the feeling of incomprehension when someone calls you conceited. Originally, it was about an interview to a rapper. But that didn't work, so it ended up being about me. That's life, I guess...
The last line was a revelation, kind of a thought I had when I was writing it.

(The already) told tale

This one is about the over-felt feeling of humiliation after every time I declared myself. Unreturned love really bugged me that time and it still does. So it ends up being about a smart person who does a very stupid thing, quite basically.

My love ran away

In spite of the unpredicted criticism, I really feel there's a progression here, as I felt it when I was writing it: first, I feel desperate, powerless; then, there's a bit of self-mocking; and then despair again.
Note: I forgot to translate the fourth stanza. I hope the transitions seems more coherent now...

Faked love

This is a mockery of what love has become today. I'm not talking about convenience marriages, but the insincere love of teenagers. The progression here is from irony to disgust, though the same idea is present within all stanzas. Let's see if I can explain myself: to love is not the same thing as to like, and hereby relies the flaw of loving teens...
So a faked couple is not a fake couple, as the first one pretends to be one the second is just a failed one.

The Meaning

I find this poem quite beautiful, as I focus more on the other meanings than the main one. I think I spent more time (and lines) describing all the enjoyable things than I worried about my true search.
I've searched so much but I've / only reached my shadow means that when you search for the meaning of things, life, etc. you're actually searching yourself, your will, your needs. This doesn't work on reverse, though. So, the one of your vision, / the one of your presence, / the one of your existence, / the one of your gaze is actually perfection playing a role as me. When I'm searching for perfection, I'm actually searching my perfection, which is a kind of utopia.



This is the way I see these poems. I can't pick a favourite from this series but I can say I like the repetitions in the last two (Faked love and The Meaning). I like to write in that way, though I understand now it may be a little boring for who's reading (but not for who's listening)...

I would like to thank all the reviews and likes, and I'm sorry to everyone who became disappointed with the poems.

Gather