The Magical Diary of L.L.P--part 5

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Only two entries in this post, sorry. I had actually planned on posting some of the previous ones in this post but there was a change of plan. And I've also tried drawing Lily in her uniform. I don't think she looks nine, but oh well...I think I'll give it another try.


Dear Moon,

My first day at school! It was great! If an ordinary muggle school is great then what will Hogwarts be like?

I was put in Year 5 and I discovered so many new things! Today I did maths, science, history and about an hour of personal reading. My favorite class today was history because we were learning the Middle Ages and I had already learned a little about it because Hugo and me have read on witches and wizards getting burned back in those times. That came up in the class and I felt a little weird but then I remembered that it was all in the past and that today people do not really believe in wizards and witches. But I do. And I am a witch who sits in their classroom all day long. Even so, today was still a really great day.

Oh and I made a friend! Her name is Emily McCarlson. She has bright blue eyes and shiny black hair. She says her mum is Spanish and her dad is Scottish but you can’t tell because she has the same ordinary Londoner accent as everyone in the area. She was the first one to show me and Hugo around and she thought we were twins because we have the same hair colour and we look alike. But we just said that we’re close cousins. She said she thought it was great to be such close cousins because she hadn’t seen her cousins for a long time because they live up in Scotland. She’s lovely and I like her because she was the first smiling face to welcome us and the first person I talked to because I sit right next to her.

I also saw Dad’s cousin’s children, well only two of them (the other two are in secondary school). Usually I wouldn’t talk with them because when we go to their house I don’t always enjoy it because I think back to the times dad told us the stories of what his cousin used to do to him back when they were kids. He was mean. But since it was my first day at school and that I didn’t know anyone else, they helped me around.

One of them is in my class and the other is in Year 6. The one in my class, is a boy. Robert Dursley is actually top of the class and different to the boy I saw around his dad. In class he’s quiet and stuff but with his dad he seems to be a whole different person. His sister, Kelly, told me that if I needed help around, I should just ask her. So they both turned out to be better than I thought and not the same people I used to frown about when having to visit them.

We also got work that we had to do at home. ‘Homework’. I’ve done it all even though Ms. Richardson said it didn’t matter if I didn’t understand but that I should give it a try. It was actually easy and I thought if I did it, it would get me in her good books just like Emily and Robert.

Hugo. He was a bit quiet today. He wasn’t his usual self, maybe because of the memory problems or because he wasn’t used to being in a school. Neither was I but I tried my best to fit in and my parents were proud of that.
He looked a little embarrassed even though he was usually the one trying to make people happy or laugh. Maybe it was just because of the first day.

I’m going down for supper now- Grandpa’s just arrived because he wanted to find out how my first whole day with muggles went.

Bye.

L.L.Potter
13/10/2017


Dear Moon,

Today was my second day at Pentsbury and I got a bit more familiar with my new classmates. We had assembly this morning and the headmistress, Mrs. Burkley, welcomed me and Hugo in front of the whole of key-stage 2 (years 3 to 6). She keeps taking us for twins but we just smile and say we’re close cousins. Teachers also make that mistake and think we’re so cute because we’re such close friends and they’ve never seen that with ‘twins’:S .

I felt sorry for Robert Dursley at lunch. Some year 6 boys made him give them his lunch so he was left with nothing but his water-bottle. I told Hugo to share some of his food with him because I had already finished mine. I asked why Emily didn’t seem to care and she told me that that happened everyday. And I asked her why they always decided to pick on him.

“I don’t know really. Around here, people always pick on the weaker ones. But he always manages to be top of the class, with all his problems. His dad wants him to be a real ‘man’. He wants him to do boxing and stuff to get really tough with people but just look at him…” I looked at Robert, sitting with a smile as he took a piece of Hugo’s sandwich. I felt really sorry for him and for some reason, I saw my dad in him. I don’t know why and I don’t dare tell my parents that because they’ll just find me odd.

I did tell them more about him and the fact that I wanted to be his friend because he seemed nice but very lonely.

“Why are you suddenly interested in this Robert?” Dad asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Oh Harry! They’re only little.” Mum said, frowning.
“What? You had an obsession for a young Potter boy when you were nine,” Dad joked, winking at me.
“Ten!”
“Still.” He turned away from mum and went back to me. “This Robert boy, what’s keeping you so interested?”
“Dad! I am not interested. I just feel sorry for him because he’s always getting beaten up and because every time we go to see them I’m never happy to go but now that he’s in my class and that I know more about him.”
I also told them about Emily and how Hugo had been acting strange today. I said I was really worried to have a different Hugo back and what if he never came back to normal?

Anyway, I don’t know why I’m so worried. Mum and Dad said that the doctor knew what she was doing. Ahh! Back to that Dr. Granger and that Harris…I really need to know and I won’t give up until I do! Thing is, when I get into something, I give it my full concentration. It’s not my fault.

I think I’ll write another letter to Albus or maybe to James this time about my new school. Or maybe keep it a surprise. I don’t know right now. I’ll probably do it tomorrow.

Hugo went for a check-up this afternoon. His dad took us right after school so I had to wait at the hospital for a while before going home. The doctor saw us in uniform and gave us a thumbs-up. I forgot to ask her again because I was so tired, coming from school.
And now I’m exhausted, so I’m going off to bed.

Goodnight!

L.L.Potter
14/10/2017
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Last edited by Mikko on Thu Aug 18, 2011 11:18 pm, edited 2 times in total.
when she needs to shelter from reality she takes a dip in my daydreams




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Fanfiction! This could be interesting, considering I don't usually review this type of work.
I like the idea of using letters to write a book although for a lot of it you've simply listed characters and then told us things about them. Show, not tell.
What’s the difference between show and tell? Well telling is the dependence on simple description: Rose was an old woman. Showing, on the other hand, is the use of suggestive description: Rose moved slowly across the room, her stooped form propped up by a refined wooden cane gripped in a twisted, hand that was covered by lucid, liver-spotted skin.
Both showing and telling express the same information — Rose is old, but the former simply states it flat-out, and the latter doesn’t need to state it, because you can see from the description that she is elderly.
Showing is better for two main reasons. First, it creates mental pictures for the reader. When reviewers use terms like "vivid," "evocative," or "cinematic" to describe a piece of prose, they really mean the writer has succeeded at showing, rather than merely telling.
Second, showing is interactive and participatory: it forces the reader to become involved in the story, deducing facts (such as Rose's age) for himself or herself, rather than just taking information in passively.
You have a good style of writing and I particularly like the pictures at the bottom :)




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I told you I would come back, and here I am! :D

Awwww, I always hated Dudly (still do) but I feel bad for his kids. I like the irony of Dudly's kid being bullied and Harry's kid helping him. Sorry, my twisted humor.

Really, I can't find any gramatical errors. I feel so bad not being able to really help when you put so much effort into this.

Love her braids in that picture! Although, maybe add ears or a gold necklace/locket? I don't know (not the greatest at drawing).

Over all, I have fallen in love with Lilly and can't wait for what you come up with next!

--Bee--
"When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often suprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers."Ralph Waldo Emerson




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Hi! here to review chapter 5!!! :)
I love that picture btw. Very Potterish. lol.

My first day at school! It was great! If an ordinary muggle school is great then what will Hogwarts be like?

I can just see a ten year old with red hair jumping up and down, and hugging Harry, telling him about her first day of school. Harry is such a caring father! :P sorry. Rambling.

I sit right next to her.


Robert Dursley is actually top of the class and different to the boy I saw around his dad.

Mwhaha I just got a mental image of Uncle Vernon and Dudley sitting there, giving him boxing gloves and computers and Robert not wanting them! mwhahha

“I don’t know really. Around here, people always pick on the weaker ones. But he always manages to be top of the class, with all his problems. His dad wants him to be a real ‘man’. He wants him to do boxing and stuff to get really tough with people but just look at him…”

tee hee.

did tell them more about him and the fact that I wanted to be his friend because he seemed nice but very lonely.

“Why are you suddenly interested in this Robert?” Dad asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh Harry! They’re only little.” Mum said, frowning.

“What? You had an obsession for a young Potter boy when you were nine,” Dad joked, winking at me.

“Ten!”

“Still.” He turned away from mum and went back to me. “This Robert boy, what’s keeping you so interested?”

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Just thought I'd say that. Now I have a question, doesn't it matter that their cousins?
And, I'm just saying, but Harry should have a pet name for Ginny! Which reminds me, I have a pet name for Annalane. SPARK. :) Sorry. I'm rambling again.


Mum and Dad said that the doctor knew what she was doing. Ahh


Another great post! :) there weren't that many nitpicks. I'm kind of giving useless reviews! I IS SORRY MARCO! :) lol. Talk to you next week! On to the next chapter!
~Annalane
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


Formerly SparkToFlame



The grand in the hotel rings with broken tunes; the guests frown; the concierge winces. But the blue-hatted boy is happy and braver than they.
— TheMythMaster