Symphony of Insanity

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Spoiler
Your theme is about a composer in a mental institution laughing at evil jokes.



The music surged through my veins like a pulse. My arms waved manically while conducting the beautiful symphony. My staccatos, slurs, and crescendos took me away to a faraway land filled with magnificent colors and sounds. Sharps created red flashes, while flats made shades of gray float across the sky. Once the final note was played, I turned around to face my applauding audience. They stood on their feet and the volume of their ovation escalated each time I took a bow. My masterpiece was complete, and the world loved me. I could hear them chanting my name, “Asa…Asa…Asa!” The earth began to shake, and my vision became blurry.
The screaming continued, “Asa! Asa!!”
“Huh? What?” I looked around and discovered that my caretaker, Callie, had pulled me back to unfortunate reality.
“It’s time for breakfast,” Callie informed me as I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I slowly scanned my plain room with off-white walls one window. Outside the window was a green field still fresh with droplets of morning dew. The scene reminded me of a peaceful Mozart piece I learned when I was very young, and the music notes began to flow through my mind.
I stood up and stretched out my sore back after sleeping on the stiff, scratchy, straw bed the institution provided its patients.
As I took a few steps, the music in my head swelled to an epic masterpiece. I dreamily waltzed to the dining area and took a seat in my designated chair. Albert sat silently to my left, carefully touching his spoon for his oatmeal as if it was on fire. To my right was discombobulated Tiffany. Her hair looked as if she had stuck her finger in a socket. She sat wide-eyed, quickly scanning back and forth as if someone was ready to pounce.
I took a hesitant bite of the gray mush, and my symphony fell flat. I had to force myself to swallow as I reached to take a sip of my ice-cold coffee. The high power of strings shrieked and racked my brain while the chilly liquid slid down my throat. My breakfast concerto continued until I couldn’t stand the grotesque taste anymore.
“Mr. Rockland, it’s your turn to sit outside today,” a man in a uniform said to me with a warm smile. He was probably hiding the fact that my breakfast was absolutely horrid, but I got up and followed him to the yard anyway.
The yard gave a more interesting a curious feel. Inquisitive staccatos danced as I scanned the actions different patients made throughout the grassy area. One man thought his head was made of delicate glass. He walked slowly and carefully as if balancing on a tight rope, terrified of falling to the ground or getting hurt. A woman with greasy, jet black hair glared menacingly at anyone that walked by her. I decided to grab a seat next to one of my acquaintances, Robert Markham. He was a fairly aged man who had been admitted into the institution for trying to murder a colored man. He sincerely believed that minorities were out to destroy any white man alive, including himself.
“Hello, Robert,” I greeted as I sat down next to him.
“Hello, Asa,” he returned. “Having a good morning?”
“If you call cold coffee and gray goop for breakfast a good morning,” I replied darkly.
Robert chuckled, “Ah, their terrible meals, always a great way to start the day.”
“Did you not eat?” I questioned.
Robert shook his head, “Nah. A colored man was seated at my table today for breakfast. I refuse to share a table with that filth.”
I laughed quietly to myself. His racist comments were somehow comical. My chuckle motivated him to begin telling insulting jokes like an activist questioned about their cause.
“Get a kick out of this one,” he began. “What do you call a boatload of negros going over a waterfall?”
I shrugged.
“A chocolate fountain!” He began to crack up as if on a sugar high.
I began to laugh, but mainly from his own reaction.
“What word starts with ‘N’ and ends with ‘R’ that you never want to call a black person? Neighbor!” Robert began his cackle once again, slapping his knee and wiping his eyes.
Suddenly, beautiful piano music filled my ears. I immediately perked up. The scales made me float to the sky, as if in a dream. I sat there for a few moments, reminiscing the days where I would sit in front of a large audience and play the most amazing concertos. Everyone loved me, that is, except Ronaldo Glasswig. He despised my music, and told the world exactly so. His news spread like the plague, and my audience dramatically shrunk. On the night of my last concert, Ronaldo had managed to be the only attendee. He looked at me with a smug grin and declared, “You’re finished.”
Those two words destroyed me. I went straight into depression, failing two attempted suicides. My wife admitted me into the Stockton Mental Institution, where I’ve lived ever since.
These memories took over my being, and I began to lose it. I rushed to the piano, shoved the player off his bench, and through the sheet music wildly into the air.
“Ronaldo!!” I shouted multiple times. “You ruined my life!!!”
Quickly a nurse scurried to my side and tried to calm me down. Then she slowly took me to the basement area. I knew what was coming: shock therapy. I calmly followed the nurse, accepting my fate. I didn’t deserve to live if I couldn’t share my music. I was forever stuck in this hellhole.
She strapped me in a chair, and I braced myself. Buttons were pressed and suddenly hot energy surged through me as if being constantly struck by lightning. My symphony exploded to the climax, strings squealing and trumpets blaring. Magnificent colors clouded my vision, and I was sent into a glorious whirlwind of musical infinity.
Last edited by Confused.pirate on Fri Jul 01, 2011 11:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"The differences in life are what create the challenges which open the door to discovery."




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This was very dark, rather depressing, and epically brilliant. I LOVE IT. Your descriptions (for example, the first paragraph) are amazing. Just one thing--I think that in the last paragraph, there was a typo. *lightning is the sky element, lightening is like an increase in light. I guessed that you mean the sky element. :) This was brilliant...
--Shackled




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Hi, Pirate(: I'm Sarah. First off, I love the title. It's what made me click on the link.


My staccatos, slurs, and crescendos took me away to a faraway land filled with magnificent colors and sounds.

I like this line. You obviously have some experience with music because 'slurs' aren't really in the vocabulary of some one who hasn't. And I think that's a wonderful thing, especially with music being a key point of this story. But I think you can take out "away" it's a little redundant to say "away to a faraway land".

I slowly scanned my plain room with off-white walls one window.

I think you left out an "and" between walls and one.

Outside the window was a green field still fresh with droplets of morning dew.

Here I'm not really sure if your MC would be able to see the dew, so you might want to say that the sunlight was reflecting off of the grass or that it looked glassy. But tying in the Mozart piece with this was clever and it clearly showed that your MC is always thinking about music.

I stood up and stretched out my sore back after sleeping on the stiff, scratchy, straw bed the institution provided its patients.

This is just a nitpicky thing but it seems to me that if the institution was nice enough for him to have his own caretaker, or a specific caretaker I think that they would have normal spring mattresses. These would probably still be uncomfortable, though, so you might want to just work with that instead of saying they were straw.

“Mr. Rockland, it’s your turn to sit outside today,”

This may be just me but I think Rockland is a clever name for your MC. Just because Rock is a type of music.

Inquisitive staccatos danced as I scanned the actions different patients made throughout the grassy area.

Staccato is used for separated notes, spaced out. I'm not so sure I would used that here if I was to use the word danced. Danced implies motion, grace, not choppy, cut off notes.


Overall:
Pirate, I really liked this. I loved how easily your character slipped into fantasy, into the music. But toward the end you sort of dumped a lot of information. Information about Ronaldo, about how your MC got where he is. I would suggest you spread that out a little more evenly. Give us hints throughout instead of throwing it at us when the story is almost over. I think when your character relapses into the music, those would be great times to give us a taste of what his life was like before, when he could enjoy the music and it didn't taunt him.

I hope this helps. PM me if you have any questions or if you change anything. I'd love to see what you do with this.
~peanut~
There is a light in you, a Vision in the making with sorrow enough to extinguish the stars. I can help you.
~And The Light Fades


The people down here are our zombies, who should be dead or not exist but do.
~Away From What We Started


P.S Got YWS?



Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
— Noam Chomsky