My Confession

Rebellious was my Spirit

A far better world we merit

I woke up in the midst of the night

Sensing a tremendous urge to fight

Fight what?...against what?...for what?...

Conquer ignorance or oppression

Whichever one here is my confession

A defiant breath I do no longer possess

Clothes of fear they all dress

Our dreams and fantasies are endless

Enlightening the sleeping mob is fruitless

I made up my mind to flee

Far beyond the Mediterranean sea

Leaving the resting herd

Staring at the white bird

There I will be relieved

All the pain will be peeled

Great minds I will seduce

Each time I produce

My confession is clear

I am not staying here

Oh people.....stand still

Believe in free will

Only then you can decide

If you desire your own pride

Noureddin...H.

After we had the revolution in Tunisia . To me nothing seems to get better, no radical transformation .....

The over all poem was good. It's just the end rhyming was too much. Or so I thought, there are those who use them freely. It did work in the poem, but I thought you could have used different words and had an even stronger poem if the poem didn't have all those same sounds at the ends of each group of words. Keep up the work though. I look forward to seeing more of your poems.

So, I was happily surprised. I came here to BEG you to not stifle the words you want to say with a rhyme scheme, but I found that there was some brilliance that survived.

I made up my mind to flee

Far beyond the Mediterranean sea

Leaving the resting herd

Staring at the white bird

There I will be relieved

All the pain will be peeled

I am still going to BEG you to not stifle your words with rhyming, but I'm also going to beg you to focus on this white bird, the sensation of pain being peeled, and let the REST of the emotion that's pent up behind the rhyming come out with it. I feel like you have a really powerful message that you want to share, but I get almost none of it because it's hidden behind rhymes that choose the words for you. Why don't you choose the words for yourself in free verse? Explore your message without these constraints and see what emotion comes out then, when you don't have to think about what words rhyme with what.

Show me more of this white bird and what it means to you.
Tell me more about the sensation of pain peeling away from you, whose pain it is, how long its been there, how deep it's gone.
But make it especially clear to me what it feels like to want to rebel and realize that maybe the people around you aren't pushing as hard as you are. The thing is, I don't know what that feels like in your situation, which means you need to use things that I'm familiar with to be able to bring the emotion home to me. Compare your situation to something more people might be familiar with and let us all into your emotion, your experience. That's where metaphors and similes come in. Then use imagery, pictures like the white bird, to let us see your country, let us see what you see. Be clear in how you feel, too. Use plain language when you want to make sure it's unobscured. ( : Work on it! Make it great.

Let me know if you have questions, and PLEASE contact me when you try this poem again. ( :

Hannah

Emm good very empowering, not what i expected when I started reading it, makes me wanna get up and do something good job! Maybe a bit too long and singsong but over all a good message and well writen Keep it up