World That I Create

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When the sun shines in the morning
I wish it would go down
My dream world is so much better
Than the real world is now
In my dream world, I create
Who I am
What I do
I can imagine anything
Even something impossible
Like me and you
Now my world can get a little strange
But what in life isn’t
I imagine some place better
Some place fun
Some place unreal
A place where everything is happy
Where there is no right or no wrong
There is always a happy ending
Or not even one at all
It might be a never-ending story;
A story with no end
I love the world that I create
There is no pain or no heartbreak
I wish the real world was like that
Like the world that I create
Last edited by havetolovemusic on Thu Jul 07, 2011 12:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
Peace.Hope.Love.Music
~Hailey (havetolovemusic)




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Hey, pretty good start for a poem and I like the theme. It reminds me a little bit of the song Fireflies (love that song). So on to the review;
'It might be a never-ending story Something that never ends' These lines seem too similar, they're saying the same thing.

'There is always a happy ending Or not even one at all' This is good, but the secound line's flow doesn't work as well. You could say instead "There is always a happy ending. If not an end at all."
"Where there is no right or no wrong" I would take out the second "no"

Lastly, "I can imagine anything" I'm not sure if I understand this line because in the real world you can imagine anything too. So I would change that line to "Anything can happen." Or something like that.

Thanks for posting this poem, and welcome to Young Writer's Society!! Good Luck in writing!!

tgirly :)
Last edited by tgirly on Wed Jul 06, 2011 10:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel




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Greetings! :) So, I can definitely identify with this poem. I think a lot of people can. I like the simple style because it lets the meaning shine through clearly, as well as giving the impression of an actual person saying the words.
I think when you say,
"Now my world can get a little strange
But what in life isn’t strange" - "strange" isn't necessary.
All in all: :)
-- CC




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Oh! Oh! I wrote something like this with the exact same title!!! I was a little suspicious upon opening it. XD You did a great job with this and i think that most of us writers can relate to it perfectly. The real world just isn't any fun. I'd rather live in the pages of a book (the pages of my book would be even better) or the worlds of my dreams. *Sigh*.

Good job and happy writing!

Veritas
The words you write reflect your soul. Make every word count.



It's funny how humans can wrap their mind around things and fit them into their version of reality.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief