Never

As the air hung heavy
and oppressed
by the approaching storm,
as the water glistened
in the harbour,
she stretched and floated
with a grace
and an elegance
which were all her own.

And the greatest reward,
for anything I might do or say,
was to see her smile.
Oh, but that’s not when I loved her best.
I loved her best when she was worried,
when her egg-shaped face
crinkled into lines of thought
and I so wanted to trace each line;
to soothe it away,
and to see her smile again.

Oh, but then again,
when she was happy,
bubbling over with excitement,
that, I think,
is when I loved her best;
when her eyes widened
and glimmered
with awe and delight –
Oh, to know I had caused that;
and only by talking –
Yes, it was then...
or when
we sat together
and exchanged inspiration
and I was so very dull.
compared to her
I was so very, very dull.
Yes, then,
it must have been then
I loved her best.

Yet perhaps it was not.
I cannot be sure and even now
the memory fades:
Sullying her brilliance
in my pathetic forgetfulness.

The picture in
my head
fractures
into fragments
and I let her
slip
through my fingers.
I just
let her go,
because...
because of something
I thought
I should know;
a guilt
which was not natural, a
something
I had been
taught
to feel.

And so,
she floated –
up and out of reach –
and I never
even
touched her.

I never
once
dared.

Spoiler

Thanks for reading! This poem is for Jon's contest: page_discussions.php?id=77&type=3&topic_id=69442&post_id=0
Any advice to improve would be much appreciated!

i love it, love it, love it, lve it and love chu! Eheh, your a good writer and i enjoyed this work. Very VERY well done!
Im jealous i dont have that skill!

Black Ink x.

Well, I'm not really good at reviewing poetry, but I'm trying to get better.
Anyway, I really liked your piece, it flowed nicely, and nothing seemed to be too forced or stiff. It wasn't too confusing and seemed to convey emotion pretty well, too. There was one spelling error, though.

crinkled into lines of though

I assume you meant 'thought'

Anyway, sorry about the lame review. Keep writing!

~Tayla

Em, this is great! Another top effort. I particularly relished the first and third stanzas. Your little elf must have truly been an amazing creature.

One suggestion I do have though. If you're going to fragment the last stanza, fragment the shit out of it. Really go to town. For example:

"The picture in
my head
fractures into
fragments
and I let her
slip through my
fingers.
I just let her go,
because...
because of
something
I thought
I should know;
a guilt which was
not natural,
a something I had been
taught
to feel.
And so,
she floated –
up and out
of reach –
and I never
even
touched her."

Here, every single thought is broken down and cracked. It lends it a much more disjointed feel to this last part. What do you think?

K

I like the revision much better. You've even improved on my suggestions. Nice work Em