Dreams Tell Lies - Chapter Eight

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So it's been a long time since I last posted a chapter and I apologise! I was writing the middle of the book and only yesterday did I decide that I wanted to put some more on here. So I dutifully wrote chapter eight. Let me know what you think!

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Oh, and as it's such a long time ago I feel bound to remind you that when we last left Ashling, she had left Harry in the middle of a field and marched off into the night. :) Thanks for reading!


Chapter Eight: Magenta, Silver & Violet

I had never owned anything particularly special in my life, many things I had were used and then tossed away carelessly without a backward glance. There was only one exception. On the topmost shelf of my book case sat three beautiful, porcelain fairies. My grandma had given them to me when I was four years old and informed me, with her kindly wisdom, that they were special fairies, designed to protect whoever possessed them. I had taken them willingly. I needed all the protection I could get whilst my father was still alive, and if this was the best chance I had I was going to accept immediately. As soon as I returned home the fairies were placed carefully on my highest shelf, in the hope I would not reach them and be able to break them. They were the most beautiful creatures I had ever seen, each no bigger than the size of my grandma’s hand, with shining blue eyes and delicate, silvery wings which had been lightly dusted with fine glitter that allowed them to shimmer spectacularly in the sunshine. I took pride in them and they were taken down and cleaned every week, their tiny faces shining as bright as the moon.
They each had a little tag with them that named them, the light fairy, the dark fairy and the star fairy, I liked this but I felt each deserved a full, personal name. That is why, after much deliberation and questioning of my family, they were consequently named Magenta, Silver and Violet (each with their own middle and last names of course, but as the years had gone by these names were forgotten). They were my lucky charms and I credited all of my success to them. They were my best friends, and I whispered my secrets to them at night, secrets that nobody else knew.
By the time I reached the age of nine however, my mother had decided I was too old for toys. I tried to persuade her otherwise; these were antiques, collector’s items. She refused to listen to me as she always did. Her new boyfriend Max said that they freaked him out and that he wouldn’t stay in the same house as them. My mother of course did as he desired and they were consequently flung in the rubbish to be taken to the dump. I screamed and cried and begged her to let me hide them away, somewhere Max would never look but she was oblivious to my sobbing. I was like chewing gum on the bottom of her shoe; always there when she didn’t want me.
Max left about a month after the dolls had been murdered by the garbage truck, its metal teeth smashing them into dust. I was used to men drifting in and out of the house now and I stopped learning their names. Most only lasted a few weeks, perhaps a month at most. I stayed in my room mostly, reading anything and everything I could lay my hands on. In only two years time I had read the entire works of Charles Dickens and was already speeding my way through Shakespeare’s plays and sonnets. I found I could escape to different worlds, full of adventures at sea looking for treasure or climbing the tallest tower in a forbidden castle. I often longed for the friendships that the heroes of these books seemed to have, for none of them could get by without help from their loyal companions. I wished harder than anything that I could join them, and share their journeys.
In a way I had got what I wished for now; an adventure of my very own. But it wasn’t full of thrilling escapades and dashing knights with powerful swords. Nor did it contain a fearsome dragon, breathing scolding fire as I battled it for victory. There was an enemy in my adventure, as there is with any, but I was pretty sure that enemy was me. I had run away from all that was important to me; first Megan and then Harry. Was I truly incapable of being happy?
I was getting used to the walking now, having left my home twice over the last few months. I had no idea of the date or the time which left me with no clue as to how long I had been trudging down this same god forsaken road. On the bright side, it was getting lighter now and a small town was definitely visible on the blurry horizon. I hoped I would get there soon, my feet were weary and tired and I needed to find somewhere to sleep.
I supposed I should have stopped along the way, under a tree of some kind, just for a few hours of rest. Yet I was afraid of this road and the endless winding journey it placed in front of me. Like my life, I had no idea where this path would take me and it gave me no inclination of stopping. It was a destiny that I had to follow, I could turn back or go on and I had never been a quitter.
I pursued the trail for another length of time. Unaware of how much time had passed I was simply placing a foot in front of the other and hoping against hope that it would lead me somewhere promising.
No such luck.
It was like stepping into a ghost town. Piles of debris swept past my feet and the roads were bare and dust ridden. Across from where I was standing, the houses were all boarded up by planks of old wood, their roofs covered in moss and caved in at places. Of the very few windows I could still make out, many were dark and greyed with dirt, covered by the ivy that clung to the stone walls. What must have once been gardens were now unkempt undergrowth, seething with thistles and nettles. The houses appeared as if they had grown up from the very earth.
A lonely tumbleweed drifted past me in the gentle wind and the only noise was the hollow echo of a broken door, swinging in the eerie breeze. Advancing gradually through the ghost town, each sound was magnified by the deafening silence. Every pebble that scraped the soles of my shoes, every leaf that rustled past, the sound was amplified.
Once or twice I could have sworn I saw a face, or maybe just an eye, peering out at me through the cracks in broken glass. When I went to look closely however, they had vanished like a wisp of smoke. I finally came to a standstill outside a remote café, staring down at a figure who sat nonchalantly reading a book, flicking through the pages slowly and paying me no attention.
Her honey wheat hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail, the end of which still reached below her shoulders where curls flowed down her jacket. A sharp face frowned at the book, her well defined jaws matched only by the prominence of her arched eyebrows. Her nose, covered in freckles, was bent close to the pages, almost touching them. I cleared my throat awkwardly.
‘Excuse me?’
She glanced up at me, acknowledging my presence for the first time but quickly became uninterested and returned her eyes to the words. I stood there silently not entirely sure what to do. I tapped her gently, ‘where am I?’
Sighing heavily, she placed her book faced down onto table and pointed to the chair opposite her. I sat down nervously; unsure as to whether this is what she meant. Evidently though, I had done the right thing for she lent forwards and finally gave me her full attention.
I gasped as she stared up at me, her face was beautiful just as I’d imagined. Her eyes however, didn’t seem to match her elegance for they were large and black, as though the pupil dominated the whole of the eye. I tried to right myself quickly and stopped myself staring as she spoke.
‘Who are you?’
I hesitated a moment before answering. I knew nothing about this mysterious woman and would have been cautious in a normal situation, let alone the fact that we appeared to be the only two for a three mile radius.
‘Ashling.’
‘And where Ashling,’ she asked, ‘do you live?’
I considered quickly, I definitely didn’t live at Harry’s anymore, ‘nowhere’.
She looked interested now, ‘so what brought you to this desolate town?’
‘I walked for miles,’ I told her, ‘this was the only place around that seemed likely to have any food. But now I'm here I wish I had never come; it’s so quiet and ghost-like.’
Nodding, she brushed a stray lock of gold behind her ears, ‘it has that affect on most people, there are still those who choose to remain here but whether that is due to obstinance or simply fear of steeping outside their boarded up homes it is impossible to tell. Nevertheless, it leaves the town almost in silence.’
‘What happened here?’
She exhaled deeply, ‘about six months ago some men came and took all the children away. From one month old to eighteen, screaming babies, fighting teenagers, they took them all.’ I saw her wipe away a tear that escaped from the corner of one eye, ‘they all tried to struggle but adults who fought too hard were killed instantly. Nobody knows where they have gone and now the streets are silent, not even a whisper of laughter comes from anywhere in this doomed town. People hide behind closed doors, protecting the rest of their family. That’s all they have left.’
As she spoke images swirled in my weary head, crowded streets in a fit of mayhem as twenty men weaved their way swiftly through the throng. Strong hands grasped the wrists of young children and scooped babies out of their mother’s arms. Toddlers wailed and yelled, screaming for their parents but were gagged almost immediately and thrown carelessly into the back of dark cars.
Some tried to run, tightly grabbing the hands of their families and racing away through the gaps between houses and down shadowy alleyways. Feet slapping against the pavement they sprinted away but the cars drove after them, engines surging. They were too fast for the families who were cut off as the wheels spun around, cutting off all exits.
Parents tried to shield their children, throwing their arms in front of them and backing against the brick walls but they could do nothing. Time and time again the children would be hurled over one of the men’s shoulders and carried off, hands clawing at them as they hurried towards the cars.
Sobbing mothers ran after them as they drove away down the road like a procession, hands stretched out, reaching for the children they had lost. Soon however, the cars were too fast for them and they fell, tumbling on the dirt and howling. Longing for the children they would never see again.
Suddenly the picture became hazy and shifted into blurry images of a bright white room with instruments of some kind all stacked on metal shelves. I blinked quickly, trying to make the room come into focus.
In the centre stood a plain table, mirroring the ivory tone of the walls and floor. I stumbled towards it, wanting to touch the smooth surface but suddenly I was shaken on my shoulder.
I looked up sharply, my head leaving the table it had been resting on.
‘Sorry,’ I mumbled ashamedly, ‘I must have dosed off.’
She was staring at me in utmost shock, her mouth wide open and eyes wide, ‘how did see that?’ She snapped.
‘See what?’
She relaxed a little, ‘never mind,’ she said. Her voice had becoming warm and soothing, ‘you look dead on your feet, no wonder you drifted off! Come with me; let me give you a good meal and a place to sleep for the night at least.’
I shook my head, ‘I don’t think I should. I keep relying on people and I left to do things on my own. Can you point me to the nearest town? Hopefully an occupied one though.’
Her eyebrows shot up, ‘you would rather sleep on a cold, hard floor than in a comfortable bed?’
‘It isn’t a case of what I would prefer, it’s more the fact that I need to go my own way. My life has been… complicated over the last couple of months, well more than usual at least. I have to find a place that I can finally call home, the constant moving is getting to me.’
She smiled at me kindly but I could see something else lurking in her eyes; was it pity? ‘There will be plenty of time for that dear. You're only young and you have many years to discover yourself. There is no reason to have to do it now, surely?’
I bit my lip, holding back the words I wanted to say. To tell this stranger my entire story, the people I loved and the ones I had left behind. That would be too easy. Instead I lowered my head, ‘I think I should leave.’
As I made to rise from the table her slender fingers caught my arm, ‘please?’ she asked me. I pulled on my arm gently but her hold was surprisingly firm, ‘let me take you, just for one night. You can leave afterwards!’
I tried to twist away from her yet she refused to relinquish her grasp, ‘l…let go of me!’ I stammered, ‘what do you want?’
Her hand dropped immediately and she stood up, her black eyes suddenly full of tears. I gaped at her in astonishment, her hands shaking as she looked down at them, twisting them in her lap.
‘I'm sorry,’ she murmured, ‘I just can’t bear to see you out here alone, it’s so dangerous! You remind me very much of my own daughter. She was pretty too, but she was snatched away from me those months ago,’ a tear fell onto her hands and she stared back up at me, a fearful look on her face. As before though, the expression didn’t seem to reach quite to her eyes, which remained cold and emotionless now that the tears had vanished as soon as they had begun.
‘Please,’ she begged me, her eyes still boring into mine, ‘come with me? I will keep you safe.’
I backed away, ‘I really can’t.’
She grabbed my arm again, but this time her grip was loose and her hand was shivering, ‘I couldn’t bear it if you ended up like my poor Saffy.’ She smiled pathetically, ‘just one night, that’s all I ask.’
I sighed, weighing up the options in my head. On the one hand, I didn’t know anything about this woman, where she was planning to take me or who else would be there. Her motives seemed innocent enough but I just couldn’t get over those eyes, it was like staring into a bottomless pit. But then again, I reasoned, how much had I really known about Harry? I had trusted him and he turned out to be safe… sort of. I stopped quickly; thinking about him was more painful than Id envisioned so I turned my mind to other options. It seemed I only had one other; walk away. My body shied away from the idea of trekking ever further to find a place to stay and some decent food to eat. If she was offering, I should take it.
I nodded finally in resignation and her whole face lit up with excitement. For once, her eyes seemed to sparkle too. She placed her hand on my arm and began to steer me through a small back-alley. All of the houses we passed were boarded up, with only one having a space to see through. A single eye peered out of the gap, watching as we walked past. It disappeared suddenly and the door creaked open, as if it had been shut for months; which, I remembered, it probably had.
A young woman came running out of the house, her dark hair falling in messy waves down her shoulders. ’Don’t go!’ She shouted at me across the street, ‘run child, run and save yourself for your fate shall not be safe!’
I tried to stop but realised that I was being pulled towards a black car that sat parked under a tree. Pushing me in, the woman shut the door and locked it quickly before sliding herself into the driver’s seat. Before I could protest we were speeding away, leaving the dark-haired lady behind.
I sat back into the leather seat and pressed my face into my hands.
What had I done?
Last edited by IcyFlame on Tue Sep 27, 2011 7:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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Hey Icy, here for the review!

H'okay, so this was an interesting chapter. It started off a little slow and all throughout the telling of the fairies, I kept asking myself where it was going -- a question that I don't feel got resolved. Perhaps you're planning on bringing the fairies or some mention of them in at a later chapter? I just think that it takes away from the story itself; up 'til now, you've kept a good pace going with the storytelling, and now you suddenly go back in memory to tell us about statues that have been destroyed. Unless there's a purpose to them that will be revealed later on, I would shave down that part or cut it out entirely; it just alters the story's perfect flow.

Also, if you start the chapter off with the events that are happening now, and then relate her past memory, before tying it back to the present moment, I think the chapter will flow a little nicer. You did a great job with the segue from her wanting an adventure to the present circumstances, and I think you need to have something like that before the reminiscing.

The part with the ghost town was fantastic; you did a great job conveying the creepy, desolate atmosphere, and that woman with the black eyes -- I already love her! I think the part where Ash sees the images of what had happened in the town needs a little clarifying, so that we know she's actually having a vision, instead of simply imagining what happened based off of the woman's explanation.

As for the very end, it's good, but I feel like Ash would be trying to escape from the car, especially since she's not tied up or anything. I just can't picture her, a fighter, covering her face and wondering what's going to happen now. She seems like the type to take action in a moment like that, not resign herself to her fate immediately. It felt too fast; maybe show her frantic attempt at escape, and then her demands to know where she's going, etc.

One last thing I want to mention is a grammatical issue: You tend to have a lot of run-on sentences in your work. I'd really suggest reading aloud what you've written; it helps you hear where those natural pauses should be, and where you can place a comma, semicolon, or period.

All right, so that's all I've got to say! I look forward to seeing where this is going! Keep up the great work. Cheers! :]
There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people:
psychopaths and mystery writers.

I'm the kind that pays better.
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Hey there Icy, here for a review!

Unlike RH, I liked the beginning of this. Well, I love it only if you bring up those fairies again, as RH mentioned. Otherwise, it was just a waste of time, although beautifully written.

I love how you showed us the life she's led. Because I haven't read the first chapters, I didn't know whether we'd known of her previous life or not. You did it well, by showing and not telling. Now I really wish I had some of those fairies. One thing I wonder, why didn't she escape to the garbage to steal back her fairies? If they meant that much to her, she could have gotten them back and found them. She could have mourned some missing pieces if they had broken in the garbage bin.

Again, I am amazed at how talented you are. You words flow effortlessly, and it's always a pleasure to read your work.

Keep using that keyboard!

Tanya :D




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Heyaaa, Icy! As promised, here I am!

I think you have a pretty cool piece of writing here. :) You've definitely got some interesting things going on here and I think you described the whole ghost town thing really well. You showed us the whole atmosphere of the town very well and I got a clear image of what everything looked like in my head. I like the concept of this chapter as well: it was interesting and it was easy for me to keep reading without getting bored or anything. All in all, a good job!

Oh, but speaking of the description of the town, there's on thing that made me cringe a bit. Let me explain:

A lonely tumbleweed drifted past me in the gentle wind and the only noise was the hollow echo of a broken door, swinging in the eerie breeze.


This immediately made me think of that corny ghost town you see in all those Western films. xD It's just awfully stereotypical of a ghost town to have a tumbleweed blowing in the wind. Obviously, it's up to you if you keep this or not, but I just thought I'd bring it up.

I'm going to have to agree with Hawkey and disagree (kind of) with Tanya. I wasn't overly keen on the intro of this chapter. Well, actually, that's not entirely true. I liked the intro; it was well written and I thought it was a neat idea, but I don't think it was best suited for the piece exactly. It kind of sounds like the intro of a short story that would be specifically about those fairies and the MC's quest in trying to save them or something. I mean, it didn't really have anything to do with the rest of the chapter. I guess it just seemed our of place to me a bit, and a bit too long. It would be fine as an intro if it was a little shorter maybe. This is more of a personal taste thing though, so please take this with a pinch of salt.

The next thing that caught my attention was when Ashling was speaking to the woman. At first, the woman seemed unfriendly and really suspicious of Ashling, but then around when Ashling told the woman her name, she seemed to suddenly turn all friendly and began revealing everything that had happened to the town. It was like one moment, the woman was all anti-random girl who turned up, and the next, she was revealing her emotions, telling her what had happened to the town and speaking to her in a friendly enough kind of tone. On the same kind of note, her dialogue--some of Ashling's dialogue too--was a bit unrealistic. I found it a bit odd that they both revealed quite a bit of their lives to each other. They've never met each other before in their lives, to begin with.

Also, how come none of the residents of the town have tried to find the kids that were taken? I mean, I guess they could have, and chances are they have, but you didn't mention it at all here, so it got me wondering. Plus, if everyone's so scared of their children being taken, why don't the just leave the town and find somewhere safer? ... Or am I just looking too far into things? Probably... :P

Speaking of the woman, I find it kind of unrealistic that Ashling would have gone with her. I mean, she doesn't have any idea who she is. Plus, I wouldn't really think of her as the most trustworthy person because of what's happened to her in her life so far, which makes it even more weird that she'd be so willing to go with the woman. I guess I'd like at least some more consideration from Ashling before she decides to go along with the random woman. She just agrees to it too easily for my liking without giving it much thought. The only real reason she decides to go with her is because she can't be bothered to walk anymore. Personally, I'd rather walk another 50 miles than of along with a rather weird woman I've never met before in my life, especially in a creepy town like this.

Finally, I have to agree with Hawkey again about the very ending. Would Ashling really have just given up that easily? If I was here, I'd have tried fighting against the woman to stop her from getting me into the car, and when I was in the car, I would have been banging on the windows for help or something. I wouldn't have just buried my face into my hands, and I'm pretty sure that Ashling wouldn't have either. If not, wouldn't she have at least questioned the woman instead of leaning back in her seat and junk? Surely, she wants to know what's going on.

I think this review may sound a little harsh, but please don't take it that way! I honestly think this was a fun chapter to read and it's definitely very intriguing. Please take what I've said with a pinch of salt, and if you don't agree with what I've said, that's totally fine! I certainly think this has some great potential, and with some tweaking, I think it really could be great. :)

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins
I didn't know what to put here so I put this.




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Hey there Icy!
Lofty, here, to review your work...

Okay, so basically, I agree with Ranger Hawk about the beginning. If you're going to make a reference to it later in the novel, then great, but I didn't really get how it linked with the rest of the chapter about the abandoned town.

However, I did enjoy reading the rest of the chapter, as it was full of tension. Although, I'd get rid of the tumbleweed drifting past, because it does sound unoriginal (don't think that's even a word...) and like the old ghost films, etc.

Otherwise, I really enjoyed reading this. I didn't expect the twist at the end, I thought the woman was sincere, but can't wait to see what you do in the next few chapters...

Hope I helped,
Lofty XD

PS: I am trying to write my chapter two, but I have writer's block. I'll post it as soon as I can, OK?
"Dream your dreams with open eyes, and make them come true"




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Finally here, finally here! Took me long enough but I'm finally gonna review this!!

IcyFlame wrote:Sighing heavily, she placed her book faced down onto table and pointed to the chair opposite her.


IcyFlame wrote:She was staring at me in utmost shock, her mouth wide open and eyes wide, ‘how did #FF4000 ">you see that?’ S#FF4000 ">she snapped.


IcyFlame wrote:Her voice had becom#FF4000 ">eing warm and soothing, ‘you look dead on your feet, no wonder you drifted off! Come with me; let me give you a good meal and a place to sleep for the night at least.’


Ok, finished reading the story..checking the other reviews...

Skins wrote:Oh, but speaking of the description of the town, there's on thing that made me cringe a bit. Let me explain:

A lonely tumbleweed drifted past me in the gentle wind and the only noise was the hollow echo of a broken door, swinging in the eerie breeze.

This immediately made me think of that corny ghost town you see in all those Western films. xD It's just awfully stereotypical of a ghost town to have a tumbleweed blowing in the wind. Obviously, it's up to you if you keep this or not, but I just thought I'd bring it up.

I agree with Skins on this one; the rest of the description was great, but the tumbleweed was too much. It just made me think of any and every other ghost town I've seen and removes from the uniqueness of your story.

As for the whole "fairies part", I pretty much agree with everyone else. The writing of that part was great, I really enjoyed it, but it didn't quite fit with the flow of this chapter. I'm guessing this'll have to do with something later on, but as we don't know what yet, you'll need to link it to something. Maybe while Ashling's walking she's thinking of how she could've used the luck of the fairies..or she would've loved their company...something to that effect. But give her an actual reason to be thinking of the statues. I think that if you put the part of her walking for miles and miles, then slide in the fairies part by having her thougths wander off, and then go back to her walking and finding the ghost town, it would be great :)

Skins wrote:Speaking of the woman, I find it kind of unrealistic that Ashling would have gone with her. I mean, she doesn't have any idea who she is. Plus, I wouldn't really think of her as the most trustworthy person because of what's happened to her in her life so far, which makes it even more weird that she'd be so willing to go with the woman. I guess I'd like at least some more consideration from Ashling before she decides to go along with the random woman. She just agrees to it too easily for my liking without giving it much thought. The only real reason she decides to go with her is because she can't be bothered to walk anymore. Personally, I'd rather walk another 50 miles than of along with a rather weird woman I've never met before in my life, especially in a creepy town like this.

Totally agree with this!

Skins wrote:Finally, I have to agree with Hawkey again about the very ending. Would Ashling really have just given up that easily? If I was here, I'd have tried fighting against the woman to stop her from getting me into the car, and when I was in the car, I would have been banging on the windows for help or something. I wouldn't have just buried my face into my hands, and I'm pretty sure that Ashling wouldn't have either. If not, wouldn't she have at least questioned the woman instead of leaning back in her seat and junk? Surely, she wants to know what's going on.

I also agree with this. I think it ended well in the sense that it really ties up the chapter, but I think you should justify her giving up by explaining that there was no way to get out, or somebody was holding her down or whatever suits you.

And there we go, that's all I have to say. I really enjoyed the chapter, mostly its flow. Yes there were some stuff that didn't exactly work, but they're easily fixable things.
Good job :D !!
Spitz
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Punctuation is the difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma".



Excuse me I have never *lied* about a character I just don't tell the truth
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