Grandison wrote:
Vivian 5
I went and did some serious shopping in Atlanta as soon as school let out. Shopping helped me think. I needed a plan to destroy Principal Coleman’s daughter and as I spent five hundred dollars on designer clothes I thought of one. #BF0080 ">We need to know more of her thought processes here, and describe the shopping! Your way of writing just seems to have very short sentences at this point.
I was due to meet Evan around eight-thirty at Fudd’s, so I started heading back to Nestle Creek.
Along the way my car started acting up. I drove an orange Monte Carlo and it was new. I wasn’t car-smart so I ignored my car and kept driving. I didn’t get far before my car stopped in the middle of nowhere—well it was the outskirts of Nestle Creek, just nowhere near people.I don't think this is nessecary.
I was barely getting service, but I managed to call a Nestle Creek tow service instead. It was a twenty-minute wait, but at least I got in touch with someone.
I sat in my car and waited until I heard the tow truck pull up. I didn’t bother getting out, it was Georgiai.e.and too hot to be out in the sun.
The tow person came up to my window and knelt down. To my surprise it was Michael. Great. Show not tell. You will hear thes words lots on YWS - show that she was surprised with her words and expressions.
“You,” I sighed as I rolled my eyes behind my oversized designer sunglasses.
“Pop the hood,” he said as he stood up. Is he not surprised to se her too?
“Uh, I don’t know how.”
Michael looked at me as if I were stupid. He shook his head and opened my car door and leaned inside. I sucked in my breath as I backed away. He looked at me with a look of confusion and annoyance. He shook his head again and pushed a button by my steering wheel and quickly got out of my car.You have a lot of sentences that start with 'he' try rewording some for variety.
He went around to the front of my car. He lifted the hood and a lot of smoke cascaded out. He coughed and backed away.
Again, watch the 'he's
“Is it bad?” I stuck my head out the window to get a peek at him.
Michael glared at me. “What was your first clue?”
I grabbed my bag and got out of the car. “Can you fix it?”
“Not on the spot, I’ve gotta tow it,” Michael closed the hood and faced me. Now he was wearing a crisp white t-shirt along with some khaki shorts and white shoes. It wasn’t great, but it was an improvement. “It’s going to cost you.”
“Shit, how much?” I frowned, after the five hundred dollar shopping spree I was already in the hole with my father.
“Depends on the problem,” Michael shrugged as he glanced at my car.
I was screwed, there had to be a way out.
A light bulb suddenly went off in my head, his debt to me.
“Uh, Mike…”
“It’s Michael,” he sighed as he leaned against my car.
“Right, so, do you uh, work at a garage?”
He nodded, while trying his best to cover his ‘duh’ facial expression.
“Good. And you, just you, could fix my car. Right?”
Michael nodded again.
“Good, good,” I was trying to appear nice and friendly as I smiled. “Mike…Michael, would you fix my car?”
“Sure, if my uncle assigns it to me,” Michael replied. He obviously didn’t get my message.
“No, I mean, can you fix my car, you know, under the table, for…free?”
Michael’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “No, I can’t.”
“Please?”
“Vivian, I don’t think you get how a garage works. I can’t just fix your car for free.”
“But my dad will kill me if he finds out about this.”
“Not my problem.”
“But you owe me.”
“This doesn’t compare.”
“But…”
“Look the problem’s either the engine or the oil, it probably just needs a change,” Michael reasoned as he gestured toward the hood.
“But my car’s practically new,” I didn’t really understand car talk, so his words were foreign to me.
“Then it’s a good chance it’s the oil, that won’t cost you much.”
“Then you could fix it for free. I mean, you said it was your uncle’s shop, so I’m sure if you said it was a friend’s car he’d be willing to let the price go.” No matter what I would not beg. Vivian Denise Cohen did not beg.
Michael scoffed, “That’s true, but why should I stick my neck out for you?” Clearly he was still angry about our run-in in the hallway at school.
“I’m sorry about earlier?” it came out more as a question than a general statement.
“Great,” Michael shrugged.
I sighed, “You want me to beg, don’t you?”
“Right now, I just want to get out of the sun.”
I bit my lip; we were far from society. No one would see me beg. There would be no witnesses to see me stoop so low.
“Please Mike,” I clasped my hands together as I stuck my bottom lip out.
Michael didn’t seem amused. “That’s not my name.”
“Michael. M-I-C-H-A-E-L. M to the Ichael. Michael. Michael. Michael!” I was practically singing. Yes, I had lost my dignity. Clearly.
Michael stood up from my car. “Fine, we’re even now you know.” Isnt he likely to be more reluctant?
“Thank you,” I guess I was too happy because before I realized what I was doing I hugged him. He didn’t smell like a grease monkey, he smelled good, like an expensive and sexy cologne.
Michael pushed me away but not in a mean way, but it was clear, however, that he didn’t want me to touch him.
I grabbed his arm to get his attention. “You tell anyone that I begged you and you’re dead.”
Michael took his arm back. “I’m doing you a huge favor; I don’t think you’re in the position to threaten me.”
“I’m serious, Michael.”
“Wow, you actually remembered my name; I guess the scarecrow had a brain all along, huh?”
It took me a moment to register the insult. By the time I got it he had already hooked my car up to his truck. Which meant my new clothes were locked in the trunk for now. Great. At least I had my bag on me.
“Did you call someone to come and get you? Or do you need a ride somewhere?” Michael looked over at me as he finished making sure my car was put into place.
I didn’t want to hassle him any further, but I couldn’t call Evan, it would be a miracle to actually reach him. I was left with Kaia.
“Uh, go ahead, I’ll call my friend,” I waved him off.
Michael leaned against the tow truck. “I’m not leaving you out here by yourself.”
“I’ll be fine,” it was hard not to feel overwhelmed by his protectiveness. No one was protective of me. Evan knew I could handle myself and my father was hardly around to be worried. I guess in all honesty I never truly felt…safe.
“Vivian I’m not leaving you,” Michael walked up to me. “Besides what if I was to leave and your phone were dead?”
“It’s not; I got you here, didn’t I?” I pulled my phone out and dialed Kaia’s number. But before it would ring I realized I had no signal. I put my phone in my bag and sighed. Now I owed Michael more, just great.
“Good thing I’m still here, huh?” Michael led the way back to his truck.
“Gee thanks, Knight in Shining Armor, what’s next opening my door for me?”
“Why would I do that? You’ve got arms, don’t you?” Michael stopped and looked at me challengingly.
I was tired and hot and I had no comeback.
Michael opened the passenger door for me without another word.
I climbed into the passenger seat and buckled in.
Michael came and got in the driver seat.
“So where to?” Michael glanced at me as he began driving back to town.
“Uh, there’s this diner…Fudd’s, that’ll do.”
“Fudd’s? They any good?”
I shrugged; the last thing I needed was to run into him at my diner. Him being Michael? If it is him you're refering to, the fact that he has dropped her there means she will run into him there.
We were suddenly silent. I reached down and turned the radio up. The latest Kanye West song was on. I sat back and listened.
The next thing I knew Michael was pushing a button on the radio and changing the station, the song that was playing was
Jay-Z’s On to the Next One. He kept driving as he bobbed his head to the beat. Even though I liked the song I didn’t like the fact that he changed the radio on me.
I pushed the next button on the radio. Chris Brown’s Deuces was playing. #BF0080 ">Does she change it back to the same station or a different one? And Im not sure you're allowed to insert names due to copyright - but don't take my word for it!
Michael looked at me, clearly agitated. He pushed the next button and the station was playing Drake’s Miss me.
I never gave up a fight, so I pushed the last button. That rock song Gives You Hell was playing, I think it was by this band, the All-American Rejects? Either way the message was clear, and I liked it. I crossed my arms and gave Michael a sassy look that said ‘beat that.’
For a split second the corner of his mouth curled up. It was a small, sexy smile. Then it was gone.
We stayed silent as the radio played around us.
Michael’s cell phone suddenly rang.
He turned the radio down and answered. “Ciara?”
A girlfriend?
I tried not to listen to his conversation, but it was hard not to. We were confined together in the cab of the truck. So why not?
“Yeah I’m almost off…that’s good…what movie do you wanna see…yeah I’ll bring pizza…all right, bye,” he hung up and put the phone in his pocket. He didn’t say anything as he reached down and turned the radio back up as some Keri Hilson song was playing.
He had a girlfriend? Interesting. Could have just been a friend? There needs to be more evidence to it being something more.
I suddenly wondered if this Ciara girl didn’t mind his greasy hands. I looked at Michael’s serious and strong handsome face, probably not.
Twenty minutes of silence later Michael pulled into Fudd’s parking lot.
“I’m going to go check out your car, I probably won’t be able to fix it today though,” he said.
I nodded and unbuckled my seatbelt. “Thanks, I guess.”
“You guess?” Michael repeated. He smiled to himself with a shake of his head. “Wow, have a nice night Vivian.”
“How’d you know my name? I never told you.” Surely this would have registered before as he has mentioned her name already.
“I heard about you, apparently I heard right,” Michael shrugged. “I’ve gotta go. See you around…I guess.”
I got out of the truck. He at least waited until I was inside of Fudd’s before pulling off. How chivalrous of him.
I could’ve been nicer, but I was Vivian Cohen, it wasn’t in my nature. I prefer this as an ending sentence.God, I was such a bitch sometimes
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