Rain

Oh rain once you leave the sun will shine
Bringing a light so gold and divine
Your tears are pure and plain
Mine are salty and bear my pain
When will you immerse mine in yours?
When will you guide me with your sail and take me to the shores?



Not the best in the world... reviews please!!!!

Hello! I really like this poem! I like the main idea in this poem, which is, to me, the speaker wanting to be one with the rain and be taken away from where she is. The main idea is pretty interesting. I even like the end-rhymes at every line. For example,

"Oh rain once you leave the sun will shine
Bringing a light so gold and divine
Your tears are pure and plain
Mine are salty and bear my pain"

I like how you rhyme "shine" with "divine" and "plain" with "pain." Very interesting. I also like the imagery in this poem. The lines I quoted from your poem is an example of the imagery. For a poem that is raw, it's quite interesting. I like the rawness of the poem.

I must say that I like how there is not much punctuation. It frees the poem from being too contained by punctuation. I know that there will probably be people who will tell you to put punctuation, such as commas, periods, etc. I hope you don't. It isn't necessary that you put punctuation or follow the rules of grammar. Poetry, over the centuries, has rid itself of punctuation and has often put aside grammar. Some people have even played with the punctuation in poetry.

If you look at the poetry by E. E. Cummings, you'll see what I mean. Poetry, these days, is what you make of it. Poetry is more free than it has ever been. Besides that, your poem is quite interesting and rebellious of grammar and punctuation. I like it! I hope you keep writing poetry!

Hey Icy, Gsp here, and I'll be your reviewer today!

I like this poem, very nice. I would like it if it was longer, but it's nice. I really don't have anything in particular about it to mention, other than your lack of commas. It's very nice; again, though, I would like to see it be a bit longer.

Happy YWSing, and keep up the good work.

~Gsp.

Niice ! I especially loved the rhymes

This was kinda hot
As you said its not the best in the world, but what really is the best in the world. At the end of the day you used words to capture what you saw and the way that you felt & shared that so another person could relate. That in itself makes it worth reading
I really enjoyed it & could relate completely

This gave me an idea of whats going on. I love how you felt you wanted to write it and you did. A true writer does not just write somthing because thay want Points, they write it because they felt they wnated to and that, the action was really going on. You are one true riter and you don't just write it. You feel it first, just like a real author of a poem. Great and very very good job!

~ Pixie2~