The Red Rose

Many of my friend's parents are divorced, insperation came from that. Hope you enjoy.


The girl sat still and listened as they argued until she simply couldn’t take any longer. It was always the same, never ending thing, and it was always about her. Quietly, so she would not be noticed, she rose from her seat and slipped to the door. She stepped out-side into the garden, so she could breathe in all the sweet scents there.
For a moment she wondered what they would do, when they noticed she was no longer sitting with them, but then she realized she really didn’t care.
She was tired of them controlling her life; all she wanted was to be free. She walked along the pathway, thinking of her life, all that had happened in it, all that had changed. She remembered when she was young, how care free she had been, and how happy she was. They didn’t understand.
It wasn’t that she didn’t love them. It was that they didn’t love her. If they did they would let her live, let her breathe, let her grow, but they told her she had to choose. She didn’t understand how she could. How was she to take a side, to claim that she loved one more than the other?
She wanted nothing more than for the fighting to stop, so that they could see, that there was a reason for everything.She truly believed if they would take the time, then they would remember the way they’d loved each other. Then there would be no reason to fight, no reason to yell and scream. Then there would be no reason to try and make her choose who she loved more, when she knew her love for both was the same.
She stopped in front of a rose bush. She noticed that there was a perfect red rose in full bloom. She took her pocket knife from her jacket and cut it free. Careful of the thorns she examined the rose as she continued along the path. She loved the simple beauty of it; how her God could create something she felt was just for her. She brought it close to her face so she could breathe in the lovely fragrance.
If only they could see the world through her eyes, the way they had taught her to see it. They had once told her, that if she looked for the bad in life, she would always find it. But if she looked for the good, she would find that too. She couldn’t understand, was it they had forgotten that? Was that why they only looked for the bad in each other?
She stopped there in the middle of the garden, she lifted her eyes to the heavens and prayed that someday, they would remember that lesson that they had once taught her. Then, hearing her name, she turned toward the house. With the red rose in hand, she walked back to where they were waiting, with the hopes that her God had heard her prayer.


I know it's short.. but it is a short story after all

Hi Amberla!

It is short! But short doesn't have to be bad! Still, I have some ideas on how you can expand it...

For one, I am a gossip whore when I read stories. I mean, I want to know what's going through the characters' heads, what they're talking about, etc. So, I would love to hear some of the arguments that her parents are talking about. That will make it really realistic for me.

Another thing I would like to see, because I am a sucker for Victorian children's stories and your story reminded me of such... I want more description of the garden. A lush description, mind you. It sounds like it ought to be beautiful -- although it doesn't have to be. Just fully described.

Anyway, I think those two things will really help the story sparkle.

Best of luck with editing!

I would like to give you an extremely belated welcome to YWS!:)

I liked your story, how it offered a brief glimpse at the struggles of a splitting family. I too have known families that have split apart, and it seems like the kids always do seem to blame themselves, and that the parents don't understand the pain that comes with feeling like you have to "choose" one parent or the other. I liked how the protagonist found solace in her faith; it was a nice touch, and shows how people can make the best out of bad situations.

I do have a few nitpicks though, and it's mostly to do with the "layout" of the story, so to speak. It's general practice on writing sites to put a space between each paragraph. It's not "necessary", but it helps the reader distinguish each paragraph from another and makes reading a much easier process. Also, I would probably align left, but that's mainly a stylistic thing and you can align whichever way you want.

She remembered when she was young how care free she had been, and how happy she was

The only specific thing I noticed was that you need a comma between young and how.

Other than those few nitpicks, this was a really nice story If you post any more stories, let me know and I'll be happy to review!