eleven/eleven

"We shall go on to the end ... we shall never surrender" - Winston Churchill

spare a minute for the ones nobody wants to remember, who let us be who we want today. forever thanking them. RIP.

tommy was a young boy when the bullets
executed him, tormenting his mind and
shredding a forgotten generation...
martyrdom is subjective but sacrifices
are always the same -

because tommy went on to the end, he fought
in france, on the seas and the oceans, on
the beaches, on the landing grounds, on the
fields and in the streets, in the hills and he
never did he surrender. an island was thankful.

tommy's name was never recorded in ink
but his deeds and heroism wrote themselves,
a scrapbook stained with blood and earth.

because memories are deeper then graves,
and there are still a thousand poppies
for every tear spilt and every battle won.

*first-reviewer-dance*

Mmm well I liked it - you did a good job with the whole thing but...Oh, I dont know. I sometimes get the feeling (and please dont take this as an insult, its only my opinion) that you've become so good at the whole poetry thing - at organizing metaphors and imagery and etc. - that you dont actually *write* anymore. As in, poems that are based on feelings, rather than ideas. I dont know. They seem so very...similar, to me, now. But I'm being maudlin, perhaps. And maybe I'm just jealous, LMAO

Anyhoo. I loved the first stanza, particularly the last two lines. Second stanza not so good. "because" seems wrong. And (famous speech or no famous speech) its repetitive, too fast and too hard to fit into a rhythm. Concept is good, not sure about execution. Last two stanzas, awesome. The ending...eh. I've been fussy with endings today - I never like em. They always seem so abrupt. I'll come back tomorrow, heheehe.

So yeah. My two cents.

PS: "executed" in the first stanza; the concept is right, the word is wrong. Too many syllables maybe. It doesnt fit.