Warm Dough

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Warm Dough


The sun was setting as the cool air settled softly on the ground, flowing between the looming shadows cast by the masses of pine trees. Connecticut was beautiful this time of year. The soft whispers of the wind called out quietly to the cozy houses nestled between the trees, each house responding with silence. One house, however, was making quite a bit of noise, the walls and windows barely muffling the harsh screams coming from inside it.

Inside the Dunn house, Stella was standing over a hot stove cooking eggs in an old iron frying pan. She was wrapped in a loose, dull sleeping robe, her graying hair adorned with perky pink curlers. One tired hand was busy spreading the wet egg around the pan, while the other was tightly pinching a half-smoked cigarette. The smell of smoke and eggs clashed and mixed around the furniture in the living room, just outside the kitchen, where Stella's adult daughter and Italian mother were sitting. Her twenty-two year old niece was on the floor. The insides of their noses burned from the smell coming from the kitchen. In between chopping up egg and sucking on her cigarette, Stella turned her head and screamed over her shoulder at her twenty-two year old niece, who was screaming back just as loudly.

Evette was sitting cross-legged like a child on the plain white carpet in the living room, her small fingers clawing at the carpeting as she shrieked at her old aunt. Her long brown hair hung down past her waist, twisting into a pile on the ground behind her. She wore a loose-fitting blouse, no bra, and a long, dirty skirt. A shining peace sign hung from her dainty neck, which swung and danced, unnoticed, as Evette tensed and reddened with each screaming retort. The pungent scent of lavender seeped from her clothing and hair, adding to the clash of odors in the air.

“You need to shut up about things you don't understand - and don't even try to tell me you understand it!” Stella squawked at the top of her lungs, as she angrily waved her cigarette in the air like a judge with a gavel. “You're just a naïve little bitch, acting up for attention! You and your bum hippie friends don't know anything!”

“Oh, it's so easy to stand there and say that, isn't it?!” Evette's back arched like that of an angry cat as she leaned forward, bombarding her aunt with harsh words. “Your problem is that your whole damn generation is closed-mined as hell! I'll bet the only thing you know about Communism is that Kennedy said it was 'scary,' and 'evil!' Ooooooh, scary! Ooooooh, evil! Me and my 'bum hippie' friends know more about it than you because we actually think!”

Stella was fuming, it was hard to tell it the steam rising over her head was from the eggs or from her. “Think?! Any sane person – hell, any insane person – knows that Communism is completely insensible.” She took a long drag on her cigarette, angrily spewing smoke from her mouth as she shouted more insults at Evette. “What the hell is wrong with you?! You've rotted your brain on acid, that's what!”

Evette's nails dug into the carpeting as she released another volley of screams at Stella. Their loud conflict had grabbed the attention of the girl on the couch and the old woman sitting in the corner of the living room.

Laurie was sitting with her legs up next to her on the couch, her senses overwhelmed by the swill of smells invading her nose and the shrill cries assaulting her ears. She was transfixed on Stella and Evette; her mother and cousin fought quite often, but this was definitely the most aggressive she had ever seen them. She thought about trying to continue reading her novel, her finger still resting on the page she had been reading before the fight broke out, but she felt that the scene in front of her was much more entertaining.

Tussles of any kind between her mother and Evette didn't surprise her very much anymore. In fact, she expected them on a regular basis. A tiny smile snuck out from the corner of her mouth, which she covered lightly with her hand, lest her already enraged mother see it and turn her fury on Laurie.

She couldn't help but feel superior to the two women screaming at each other in the middle of the house. That feeling always came over her when Stella and Evette fought. For a brief moment she felt like royalty, resting comfortably on her couch as she watched two fools squabble at each other for her amusement. She quietly snickered at her aunt and cousin, and in that instant she heard someone next to her laugh as well.

Laurie turned to her right, still covering her smile, to see her old Italian grandmother, Anntonetta, trying not to laugh at the craziness unfolding before them. She was struggling with a mouth full of ricotta cheese, which she had peacefully been munching on before the fight broke out. When Laurie and her grandmother's eyes met, they both burst into laughter. Neither of them could believe how easy it was for Stella and Evette to fight so senselessly over something so pointless. Communism wasn't exactly a huge issue worthy of debate, even in 1979. Arguing over something like Evette's boyfriend was one thing, but arguing about Communism? While Stella was making eggs? Laurie and Anntonetta couldn't stop laughing at the stupidity of it all.

Laurie rolled back and forth on the couch, holding her chest as it heaved with laughter. As she pushed strands of her long, dark hair from her face, she looked up at her grandmother. Anntonetta's dark, wrinkled skin stretched across her face, her mouth gaping open as she laughed, bits of ricotta cheese tumbling from her toothless mouth. That made them both laugh even harder. Laurie loved her grandmother's laugh; throaty and unfiltered and wonderful. Laurie's grandmother always had a way of making her laugh, whether it was with her own laughter or her Italian witticisms; Anntonetta tended to respond to every downside with a heavily accented “Whatcha gonna do?” She closed her eyes, tears of joy rolling down her blushing cheeks, and lost herself in the wonderful absurdity of the laughter and screams.

Stella and Evette suddenly stopped screaming at each other upon hearing the jeering laughter coming from the living room. They both glared furiously at Laurie and Anntonetta, who were both in fits of laughter in their seats. Stella had stopped thrashing the eggs about the frying pan. Her angry, pale fingers clenched the spatula so hard that she broke a nail. She crushed the remains of her cigarette in a nearby ashtray and raised her voice, this time at the two laughing women in the living room.

“And just what in the hell is so funny, huh?!” Her voice was cracking from all the yelling. Stella's stare was cold and piercing, which was her specialty, but Laurie and Anntonetta were not phased by it.

“What's-a so funny? You! You and-a her is crazy! Siete tutti pazzi! ” Anntonetta's Italian accent clung onto her words like warm dough. It was music to Laurie's ears. Sometimes she would try to imitate her grandmother's accent when she was alone. She wanted her voice to tickle and warm others' ears like Anntonetta's did.

“Crazy?!” Stella's eyes almost popped out of her head, she was so mad. She turned her gaze on Laurie, who, still smiling, looked to her grandmother for help. Anntonetta looked at Stella, glowing red with anger, then looked at Laurie, smiling and gasping for breath on the couch. She smiled lightly, shrugged, and with her warm Italian voice said:

“Eh, whatcha gonna do?”
"Writing is easy: All you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead." ~Gene Fowler




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Haha, I was pleasantly surprised! Your voice sounds really natural, and even though it's 3rd-person and neutral it has an edge of personality that molds to the characters just a little bit. There aren't really any nitpicks I have for you; all I can say is congrats for making a typical life and situation interesting. No over-the-top fantasies or dark, deep-seated plots; no smoke and mirrors. Just a perfect little window into reality. Nice.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket




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Hi, Chal!

So, this was a nice read. You seem too have planned this out and know your characters well. I like the simplicity of this -- like StoryWeaver said, there isn't much of a plot; it's just about life and family and how they interact. It's a breath of fresh air, in my opinion. However, I think that you can do so much more with it! This is really short, and while I'm not saying that's a bad thing, I think you can stretch this out a little and develop what you have with the characters. As I said earlier, there isn't much of a plot, so your characters have to really drive the story. Right now, I don't know them well so I'm not very invested.

I'm confused about when this takes place. You said something about 1979, but then you talk about Kennedy, who was the early 60s. A specific time frame would help since the Cold War lasted a very long time and it had a lot of different phases to it in which different headlining news occurred.

I'm confused as to whether Evette protests or supports communism. If it's the former, why is Stella arguing with her? Maybe it's what Evette does about it? That would be awesome it would be clearer. You could expand on their conversation a bit more; instead of just exchanges of 'you're right and I'm wrong' I would like to see them talk more about their individual views. Right now, the use of this as a plot thread doesn't feel as important as I think it's supposed to be. Expand upon it!

I also have a small issue with the character of the mother. For one, I don't understand why you feel the need to mention that she Italian. If she's Italian, wouldn't Stella and Laurie be Italian too? Unless she's not their real mother/grandmother, but you need to clarify that. I don't like how you handle her either -- she doesn't really seem to contribute anything to the story, and the way you describe her seems to fit in stereotypes (old, wrinkled, thick accent, cheese on the lips). So, she's an old person who laughs with her granddaughter. I would try to change her and Laurie's reaction to the argument. They're discussing a very serious topic, and laughing seems rude.

Also, it gets to be a bit confusing how you keep referring to the characters differently. I would stick with one for all of them; you're in third person, so you can get away with. Once you give us a basic idea of how everyone is related, you won't need to tell us -- we'll be able to figure out the rest.

Anyway! I'm sorry if this review seems harsh in any way. I really did like this story, and I think you have the potential to make it into something great pending a few revisions. Feel free to PM me if you need anything else! *likes*

~ Elinor

All our dreams can come true — if we have the courage to pursue them.

-- Walt Disney



I just want to be the side character in a book that basically steals the whole series.
— avianwings47