wrong choices

Every day i wonder what I could have done different that day. That one day I mad the biggest mistake of my life. Will people ever look at me differently? When will people forgive and forget? I look in the mirror and don't see anything. I have to much on my mind to think about. Nothing that I do will change that day, so I'll just have to deal with everyone judging me.

I arrive at school and at once I notice people glaring at me. Ignore them. Just keep walking. No matter how many times I tell myself that, It still never help. All the stares, and all the whispers just get to me. Its like people want me to crack. But I can't. I have to stay strong. I have to keep walking down the halls.

"Slut," Someone murmurs as they push me with their shoulder as they walk by. I keep walking, pretending it never happened.

Finally, I get to my locker. Could that miserable walk down the hall be any worse? Out of the corner of my eye I can see Jenna Carson coming up beside me. My ex-best friend. The last person I want to see now. I can see her stop next to me, just staring at me.

"Why are you even here right now. You know after that night, nobody wants you here. Just go home, stupid whore."

I pretend I don't here her, or don't know what she's talking about. She's the last person I would be talking to now.

"Aren't you going to say something?" She snaps at me.

I don't know what to do. I start panicking. She can't know she is getting to me. "I don't know what your talking about. I should be here at much as anyone else," I respond, deciding to play dumb.

Jenna just glares at me. "Are you telling me you don't remember anything? You don't remember going to Jake's party with me, getting waisted, and making out with my boyfriend?!"

I begin getting tears in my eyes. "Just stop it," I say, left helpless. She's getting to me, and I think she realizes it.

She continues talking, getting louder and louder. "You don't remember being at that party, making out with all the other boys there too? You don't remember any of this?"

"Just stop it," I repeat. People begin to hear, and gather around. I feel a tear fall from my face. I feel as if I'm alone with nobody to help me.

"You really don't remember?!" She shouts, now sounding more hurt than angry. "Hey everyone, Bell here says she doesn't remember that night at the party, when she betrayed me, embarrassed herself, and acted like a whore!"

I snap. "Just stop it! Leave me alone!" I felt like I was crushed into a million pieces. I pushed past Jenna's smirk, and ran down the hall. Back down all the glares and murmurs. Back to my house. Back to the room where I looked in the mirror and saw nothing. Just disappointment. When will I have my life back. Why did I make so many bad choices that night. When will the forgive and forget? For now, I guess I don't deserve to be forgiven. I just deserve to be nothing.

This piece feels empty. It needs emotion. How would you feel if anyone called you those names? Keep that in mind if you expand on this.
And tell me if you do expand.
Good Luck
~Kit

Hi, Pink here!
Dropping by to do a short review. Everything in red is what I found that needs some tweaking

Every day #FF0000 ">I wonder what I could have done different that day. That one day I mad the biggest mistake of my life. #FF0000 ">[watch out for the repetition of 'day']Will people ever look at me differently? When will people forgive and forget? I look in the mirror and don't see anything. I have to much on my mind to think about. Nothing that I do will change that day, so I'll just have to deal with everyone judging me.



I arrive at school and at once I notice people glaring at me. Ignore them. Just keep walking. No matter how many times I tell myself that, It still never help#FF0000 ">s. All the stares, and all the whispers just get to me. It#BF0000 ">'s like people want me to crack. But I can't. I have to stay strong. I have to keep walking down the halls.



"Slut," #FF0000 ">someone murmurs as they push me with their shoulder as they walk by. I keep walking, pretending it never happened.



Finally, I get to my locker. Could that miserable walk down the hall be any worse? Out of the corner of my eye I can see Jenna Carson coming up beside me. My ex-best friend. The last person I want to see now. I can see her stop next to me, just staring at me.

#FF0000 ">Describe some more emotion, right now everything you're saying is a tad vague.

"Why are you even here right now. You know after that night, nobody wants you here. Just go home, stupid whore."



I pretend I don't here her, or don't know what she's talking about. She's the last person I would be talking to now.



"Aren't you going to say something?" She snaps at me.



I don't know what to do. I start panicking. She can't know she is getting to me. "I don't know what your talking about. I should be here at much as anyone else," I respond, deciding to play dumb.



Jenna just glares at me. "Are you telling me you don't remember anything? You don't remember going to Jake's party with me, getting waisted, and making out with my boyfriend?!"



I begin getting tears in my eyes. "Just stop it," I say, left helpless. She's getting to me, and I think she realizes it.



She continues talking, getting louder and louder. "You don't remember being at that party, making out with all the other boys there too? You don't remember any of this?"



"Just stop it," I repeat. People begin to hear, and gather around. I feel a tear fall from my face. I feel as if I'm alone with nobody to help me.



"You really don't remember?!" She shouts, now sounding more hurt than angry. "Hey everyone, Bell here says she doesn't remember that night at the party, when she betrayed me, embarrassed herself, and acted like a whore!"



I snap. "Just stop it! Leave me alone!" I felt like I was crushed into a million pieces. I pushed past Jenna's smirk, and ran down the hall. Back down all the glares and murmurs. Back to my house. Back to the room where I looked in the mirror and saw nothing. Just disappointment. When will I have my life back. Why did I make so many bad choices that night. When will the forgive and forget? For now, I guess I don't deserve to be forgiven. I just deserve to be nothing.

Overall this can be an emotional piece if you decided to use more description and do more showing than telling. I like your topic and how you addressed such behaviors and all but the lack of emotion didn't do much justice. I suggest to review and add more description and imagery. One more thing, as I read through your piece there were a couple comma misplacements, actually, there were just put in odd spots in my opinon. I suggest brushing up on some comma rules and such. Also, there were a few punctuation errors and maybe there are more but I just didn't find them since I'm in a hurry. Hope I helped a little
Cheers,

~Pink

it was pretty good, but there wasn't much emotion to it, not trying to sound like a broken record. The plot was pretty stiff with little detail on it.

Hiya,

So, this is definitely a nice idea. I also really like what you're trying to achieve with present-tense. You keep it very consistent, unlike some other people I've seen that have tried to use it. However, I feel like this story could be so much more then what it is right now. The characters are just kind of there, and I feel like an outsider--I don't know what really happened. Your narrator obviously feels sorry for what she did, but we don't know why. I mean, it's a no-brainer, but if she was going to regret it, what made her do it in the first place? The drinking seems like a bit of a weak explanation--there had to have been something beyond that.

Making out with every guy seems a bit far-fetched, too, especially if they all had girlfriends (which you're seeming to imply a bit). Even if they were all drunk, it is likely that a fair portion would still have some portion of their minds left.

The other reviewers did a good job of covering grammar, which is one thing that really seems to be bogging your story down. The careless mistakes (like misplaced punctuation and capitalized i's) really make the story seem lazy, as if it was written in a rush and you didn't think twice to look it over.

What I would do is show us the party. Show us exactly what happened, let us know who the characters are so we can be emotionally attached to them. Hope this helps! PM me if you have any further questions or concerns.

-Elinor x