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Last edited by jackle on Mon Feb 14, 2011 6:33 am, edited 1 time in total.
check it out - novel.php?id=1132




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Gender Female
Points 37146
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Hello there :)
I thought that I would do the honours

My uniform was stuck to my back with sweat,(maybe you could try "from")

Another thing I should think was a problem is the fact that your work is too crowded, try and separate it a bit.

I like the way you write. It's very clear, and to the point. I also spotted no spelling errors as I read through. Your story is also interesting. Good luck with it ;)

Keep writing
The best is what you make it!

...eh, need a review? Click me!



It's all a matter of perspective. Everyone is the hero of their own story, and the villain of another's.
— James