Seeing Shadows

“Do you love me?” he whispers, like a child seeking reassurance from his mother, “do you love me?”
She reaches out a pale hand and strokes his hair. “Of course I do, Shadow, you know that.”
He smiles, and cups her face in his hands. “I love you. More than anything.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes it is.”
“No it’s not! It shouldn’t be!”
He remains calm, faced with her panic. Her distress seems almost to please him, and he grins as he leans back, observing her. “It is true, and rightly so. You must understand that.”
“What about Amilli? She loves you, she gave up everything for you!”
Irritation flashes over his face for a moment, and then it is gone. “Amilli is a very nice girl...”
“She is more than just nice!”
“No! She’s not! Can’t you see that? She’s all nice, all perfection. All selfless devotion and undying love. There is nothing more to her! Sure, I liked it for a while. Who wouldn’t? It’s very flattering, but in the end; she is boring.” He almost spits the words.
“That’s all wrong! There’s more to her than that. She’s perfect for you! I made her, perfect for you.”
A bitter laugh escapes his lips. “Then you did it wrong. Or maybe you made her perfect for how I was, but I’ve changed, and she hasn’t.”
“You are always changing. Always. I can’t control it, or predict it. Do you expect me to tweak her character every time you have a mood swing?” Angry tears roll down her face. She tries so hard, but it is never enough. Someone always wants more.
“No. I don’t want her anymore.” His hands slide over her face, her neck, than down her sides; calming, caressing, and she is powerless to resist, unable to pull herself away, much as she thinks she should. “I want you.”
She sighs, and leans her head against his chest. “You know that cannot be...”
“Why not? We could be together, I know we could, if you would only let us!” He wraps his arms tightly around her, pulling her close to him, and presses his face into her hair.
“It cannot be! You are not...” their eyes meet and she hesitates for a moment, “not real, here. It would drive me insane.”
“Then come back with me.” His breath is warm on her skin as he whispers in her ear.
“I can’t! Why do you keep asking when you know that I can’t?”
“But you have, I remember...”
“Not completely. Not like you’re asking me to. I can go there, or at least, the part of me that is me can.”
“That’s all I want!”
She sighs, and looks at his hands, hungrily clutching at her body. She does not believe him. “I would die, Shadow. Don’t you see that? I would be there, but the part of me which eats and drinks and keeps warm would be here, only it wouldn’t be doing those things. My body would die here, and my soul would die there.”
Anguish flashes in his dark eyes. “Then tell me something.”
She smiles, her hands touch his face. “Tell you what?”
His expression remains serious and he stares into her eyes. “Tell me that if you could, you would.”
“If I could...?”
“If you could come with me, then you would do it. I need to know.”
She looks away. “Shadow, that’s silly, it does no good to talk like that.”
He grabs her chin and forces her to face him. “Tell me that you would!”
Tears of fear and pain well up in her eyes, and she is crying again. “I don’t know, I don’t know what I’d do. Please, don’t make me say. I don’t know what to say.” Her words come in bursts and sobs. She tries to look away again, but he won’t let her.
Apparently unconcerned, he holds her by her chin for a while longer, his eyes cold and calculating. Then, suddenly, as though he has reached some conclusion, he thrusts her away, sending her spinning across the room until she collides with the bookcase. Gasping and sniffling, she falls helplessly to the floor. Still, he watches her, malice and contempt written clearly in the lines of his face.
“You are a liar,” his voice is quiet. She shakes with every word, as though she has been physically struck, “and you do not love me.” Turning from her with disgust her begins to walk away.
She rises to her feet in panic, rushing after him. “Don’t say that! How can you say that?” He turns as her hand touches his shoulder, and she throws herself into his arms. “I love you, Shadow, I love you so much.” He pushes her hair back from her face and pulls her close. He kisses her, briefly, and they stare at each other in wonder. Then once more, they kiss, almost violently. He holds her so tightly that it hurts and she runs her fingers through his hair.

Her concentration slips. She remembers what belongs to reality, which is not the same as what is real, but she thinks it is. Pulling away she looks around, and sees her bedroom, just as it always is. There is no one there but her.


*After reading people's comments I have now edited where I thought it was appropriate. Thank you for the help! If anyone has anything more to suggest please do!

You don't need that end bit there where you've explained all. If you wrote your story well enough, then you don't need to tell us the moral of the story, right?

Well, anyway, I found this pretty interesting. Definitely had me intrigued when the narrator started saying, "I created her for you!" and I started thinking of mad scientist/Frankenstein scenarios. And if you hadn't told us the exact reasoning behind the story at the bottom, then this story might be more universal and could apply to anything we create and love but should not.

Be mindful of your tense. You use present throughout then but lapse into past tense

She reached out a pale hand and strokes

I'm not entirely sure you didn't do it elsewhere, but being the second line, this stuck out immediately.

“Do you love me?” He whispers

Make that "He" lower case.

she...strokes his unruly black hair.

You offer little other description than this. Because it is the only physical description found in your writing, you're obviously not concerned with us having a perfect picture of them, so you're better off leaving it out. "she...strokes his hair" leaves it up to the imagination, like the rest of the story.

You mention tears way too much. We understand she's distressed, so please stop talking about her

Angry tears

Tears of fear and pain

tears of shock and pain

It becomes redundant and takes away the power.

Her arms tighten around his neck

It sounds like she's trying to kill him. Rephrase, unless that's what you want.

Their lips meet, for a second, and they stare at each other in wonder. Then once more, lips touch, eyes close.

It doesn't sound like they're kissing. It just sounds like they're tapping lips. Just use the word "kiss."

The dialogue is good. It flows from one subject to the next naturally. Which is very good, because it means you know what your characters' motives are and how they react to each other. And of course, it moves the story along.

You don't have to use so many qualifiers, though. The dialogue/actions will tell us how they say it/do it and what they're feeling. So things like this are unnecessary:

his voice filled with contempt.

His voice is strained, and filled with longing

Apparently unconcerned,

And there are times when perhaps you could think of one adjective to describe it instead of two, like:

malice and contempt

strained, and filled with longing

fear and pain

bursts and sobs

cold and calculating

shock and pain

So that's that. Keep them characters of yours under check! And keep on writing. Let me know if you have any questions or rebuttals.

Edit: of course, part of the suggestions are style. There's no need to go to the extreme, a moderate use of a certain style/phrasing/etc is adequate.

Sarg

Hello there pigeon

I really like your writing style, you really have a way with your words and this was an interesting take. I had a problem however with the fact that you did not do enough to acquaint me with your characters. There is just too much dialogue and a little storytelling. I really wish that you would have incorporated that last explanation you added at the end into your story, it would have been great. As I read this, it was as if you snatched a scene from a novel and assumed that the reader would fully know who your characters were; introduce them, even if you don't have to tell us the entire background.
I'm not saying the story is entirely bad, but too much dialogue can display the story as really plain and boring.

By the way, you are not the only crazy one; not only are my characters real but I normally visit them where they live

Keep writing

I think it was the first reviewer who basically picked this thing apart, so I won't repeat any of it since she basically got it. But I will agree that you don't need the end bit where you explain everything. I've been on other writing sites where I had questions about the story, because something was confusing or I didn't think it was explained well-enough. My philosophy with stories is that if your reader has a question, you should be able to point to somewhere in-text where their question is answered. If you can't, you're doing it wrong