Spider Boy (A Modern Greek Myth)

I had always loved spiders. I don't understand why most people are afraid of them. I think they are gentle, beautiful cratures that silently walk the Earth. Their intricate webs are so silky and pretty in the morning light. That is why I have a pet spider.

It's not like I actually went to the pet store and chose a spider. No, no, I don't have that kind of money. I don't even have enough money to go to the Laudromat. I live with my drunk uncle who's really never home. I was dumped in this apartment by Social Services after that car accident. The accident I will never forget.

But anyway, I shouldn't think about the painful past. It will make me cry, and I don't cry. Not even when I have to beg for money on the streets.

The spider I found was floating in the cracked toilet, half drowned. I was trying to fix the seat when I saw it. My perfect pet: Longlegs. It had extremely long legs, of course, and there were six beady eyes. I was amazed at this creature. I fished it out with my homework folder that I abandoned a long time ago when I stopped school. It weakly raised one leg. Its numerous legs had tiny hairs on them. I was so fascinated.

I had put it in an empty tissue box and watched it scuttle around. Then, it stopped right in its tracks. I was scared that it had died from exhaustion. I shook the box gently. It crawled a bit. It was still alive! I breathed a sigh of relief.

All that happened only a few days ago. Now, my only best friend is Longlegs. The only best friend I ever had in my life. Watching it crawl was like hope for me. It made me believe that I would actually get out of this dump some day. Yeah, some day.

The door of the apartment flew open and banged on the wall. It was so sudden that I jumped out of the run-down couch, which had springs in the middle of the seat poking out. It was my uncle, with a beer bottle in his hand and an outrageously red face. He obviously haven't shaved in days by the looks of his beard.

"Eric! Aren't you supposed to be in school, boy? I don't need any scum here bothering me during the day! Git outta here!" boomed my uncle.

I cowered from the loudness of his voice.
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Sorry I have to go now. I will add more. I know this is a bad ending, but this isn't it! I will post more as sooon as possible. Until then, enjoy!

Actually, I kind of like the ending. It makes me want to know where Eric goes, what he does. I'm assuming his uncle doesn't know he dropped school. That makes me wonder what other secrets he might be hiding.

Sorry, but I'm not one for nitpicking. But it was pretty good and I want to know more. Mind PMing me when it's out? Thanks a mil!

LOVE --ULTRAVIOLET

I think this is a real cute idea for a story! A spider for a pet is great. I'm curious how this is based on a greek myth, though, since I do love Greek mythology.

A big suggestion for this would be to show instead of tell. You tell that he lives with his drunk uncle, but it might be better if you show this like at the end of the story.

Another suggestion would be to work more on characterization. Characterization is really important! You need to develop your character to make them as real as possible. For help with this I'd check out snoink's Character Development user group.

Other than that, like I said I think it's really cute. Spiders are so neat. I'm real curious to see where you take this. Best of luck!

So far it seems interesting, and I want to know what happened in the car accident. How this will turn into a Greek myth I haven't the slightest and I have read a lot of Greek mythology I am stoked to see what you do with this it's a great start.
-bumblebee

I enjoyed this, and can't wait to read more. However, I'd like to know a bit more about your characters. Where do they live? What, if anything caused the MC to love spiders so much. He wants to be free, but he's not doing anything for himself. Why? Give descriptions- the house, the boy, etc. This has a lot of potential, keep working on it.

Hi! This was a really good piece! I really loved all the imagery you used, you're good at descriptive writing, which is great for the reader to really picture the scenes. I have to agree with some people here that I couldn't really see the Greek myth part. I've read most of the Greek myths and none of them seem to really apply, so I'd love to know which one you were referring to.

Now onto the nitpicks!

WritingWords wrote:I think they are gentle, beautiful #FF0000 ">cratures that silently walk the Earth.

Should be 'creatures'

I don't even have enough money to go to the #FF0000 ">Laudromat

Should be 'Laundromat'.

I live with my drunk uncle who's really never home. I was dumped in this apartment by Social Services after that car accident. The accident I will never forget.

Personally, I think some of this is good, but some not so good. On the one hand, the way you talk about the car accident that the character will never forget is good because it makes the reader question, but on the other hand, it's bad becaise then you go on to say that you don't want to discuss it, which is a bit annoying. Also, describing the uncle as 'drunk uncle' could be done better by showing how he is drunk, rather than just saying it. For example, a sentence like, 'I live with my uncle, who spends most of his time slumped on the sofa in a drunken stupor.' It just makes the piece a bit more readable, in my opinion.

My perfect pet: Longlegs.

Awesome name

It had extremely long legs, of course, and #FF0000 ">there were six beady eyes.

Remove 'there were'.

I was amazed at #FF0000 ">this creature.

'The', rather than 'this'.

I was #FF0000 ">so fascinated.

Remove 'so'.

I #FF0000 ">had put it in an empty tissue box and watched it scuttle around.

Remove 'had'. Also, nice use of adjectives with the word 'scuttle'!

All that happened only a few days ago. Now, my only best friend is Longlegs. The only best friend I ever had in my life. Watching it crawl was like hope for me. It made me believe that I would actually get out of this dump some day. Yeah, some day.

There's a few too many short sentences here, add in some commas to lengthen some of them to make it flow better.

Sorry I have to go now. I will add more. I know this is a bad ending, but this isn't it! I will post more as sooon as possible. Until then, enjoy!

Haha, okay! Good work, can't wait to see the ending It's difficult to say if it was a well-rounded piece without the ending, as it left me with a lot of questions. Some things that I feel should be addressed when you write the ending are: the car crash (I mentioned above in the nitpicks), why he is begging on the streets when he has a house to live in (I've never known a beggar not to be homeless, and wierdly I know quite a few- don't ask!), and why he has no friends. All-in-all though this piece has a lot of potential! Work on it and it will be great I'm sure!