My Music

I tried to put into words how I feel about the music I play.

With the wind and flower petals
I'm standing in the meadow.
I'm gazing forward
But I can't see the light.
I'm stretching out my hand
But it just doesn't feel right.

I hear the strings playing
Somewhere behind the clouds,
Camomile scent reaching my nose...

I try to escape the dream of those..
But I stay forever in that place.

I like the way you used the words... How you expressed everything.
Good work.
Just one thing though, I could put myself in your shoes, but I really could not feel along with you exactly what you felt writing this.
Looking forward to viewing your next post.

Chamomile scent reaching my nose...

Watch your spelling. I also think this line would be more effective as "The smell of chamomile reaching my nose..." though that's just personal preference.

I like how simple this is, and the rhyme scheme you used. It's a bit unusual, but it sounds and feels natural. I think this poem could benefit from a bit more punctuation. In general, poetry is punctuated the same as prose, and a good way to make sure you poetry is punctuated properly is to write it out in prose form.

Overall, though, I really enjoyed reading this. :D

I enjoyed it. it reminds me of the precious moments when I play my guitar but this time under a tree with the wind blowing on my face. I think I will play it right now.
The down side of the poem is that yes, you are trying to describe a feeling here right? But the feeling is too short. because i am getting there and then the poem ends. Maybe add some more words because the writing style is superb and unique. It deserves recognition.
Good job.

Hey Kanade!

Lovely poem. I love the sensory images that you had... the chamomile, the flower petals... it brings a softness to the poem which is very lovely and sensual. The one thing I think you can do is to describe the music in a more sensuous way. Right now, you're just telling us that you hear it. I want to hear more details.

Nice poem though!

Hey again!
Here to review.

With the wind and flower petals
I'm standing in the meadow.
Just like your other poem, I loved these opening lines! They were simple but they made me feel warm inside...
I'm gazing forward
#FF0000 ">But I can't see the light.
I'm stretching out my hand
But it just doesn't feel right.
These lines seemed kind of weak, it might just be me though. Maybe you could edit them a bit?

I hear the strings playing
Somewhere behind the clouds,
[color=#FF0000]Chamomile scent reaching my nose...
I like how you're not only using the sense of sight. You spelt chamomile wrong though! I corrected it for you.

I try to escape the dream of those..#FF0000 ">.
But I stay forever in that place.

Overall

I liked this poem just as much as the last one I reviewed! What I loved the most about this one was actually the simplicity of it. There weren't any complicated words or complicated vocabulary, which I actually liked. I really like the reason behind the poem as well, it's clear how much you love your music! Once again, your descriptions were also very nice and I'm glad that you didn't only use the sense of sight.

My only nit-pick for this is the grammar. I noticed a '..' in this somewhere. I think that you should maybe edit that. Also, in this poem, you started every line with a capital letter. This is more of a personal opinion thing, but you don't always need a capital letter at the beginning of every line. The only time that you really need to use a capital letter at the beginning of a line is the same as a story. You only need a capital letter if the line before ends with a period. I also noticed that you kind of overuse '...' in your poems. Maybe you could replace some of them with a comma, or something? That way, when you do use it, it will be a lot more effective!

I do have to agree with ziggie and Snoink though. I would like for you to describe the music itself a bit more. I would also like for you to describe your feelings more as well as the music. How does the sound of music make you feel? Does it make you feel inspired? Does it make you feel as though your heart and your soul are connected as one? (Sorry for the terrible, cheesy sentence there ) Do you get what I mean? I'm sorry if I'm not making that much sense!

I don't really have anything else to critique about this! I fell useless... I adored the simplicity of this and I thought that your rhyming scheme was nice. It was different and there wasn't an obvious rhyming scheme, either. I actually really liked this about the poem. It helps make the poem unique and interesting. Your descriptions were simple but creative and that was something else I loved about this poem.

I still feel useless... Sorry I'm not much help!

Keep writing! If you want another review, just ask me in my Will Review For Food thread again.

xoxo Skins