Your Fantasy Funeral (or real)

Sam wrote:EDIT: and speaking of bangs, Nai boomed a skunk! SKUNK GO BOOM!

lol what is that supposed to mean?



Anyway, this is how I want my funeral to be, and it's possible too so i'm going to tell my family to do this for me.

I don't want anyone dressing up or dressing in all black. When they do that funeral car line or whatever it's called when everyone follows each other and people have to slow down or get out of the way, I want them to attach white feathers to the back of each car. And if they absolutely have to have those stupid orange flags on the cars to signify why there is a strait line of 20 cars driving to a graveyard, I guess that's okay. I want to be burned on a large stack of wood kinda like in Return of the King with Faramir. And of course when that is done I want everyone standing away from it somewhere because it'll obviously have a bad smell of burning human lol. And I want to be burned while it is raining or snowing, or preferably at night when it is a comfortable temperature. Then I want to have some kind of party nearby where you can see the fire. And when the party is over, I want everyone to raise their glasses to the fire. After that, I want my ashes to be divided into 5 equal portions. 1 portion tossed under the treehouse my mom and grandpa built for me at the first house I grew up in, another portion tossed in on the lawn in front of the apartment I used to live in where the worst years of my life took place, another portion tossed onto the backyard of the house I live in now, the next tossed into the Pacific Ocean, and the last in an urn that I want with my wife when she passes away. And i'd rather have it that no body cries at my funeral, but we all know that it's kinda unvoidable at a funeral.

And I also don't want any autopsy or blood draining or body preparation done on me. That's why I want to be burned. And I want to be burned in the clothes I wear unless i'm going to the bathroom or taking a shower when I die lol

For my funeral, I want to play with people's minds. First of all, they'll be a wake with my dead body in the usual resting place. And the mourners will be wearing black and everything. But then, as the people filter in, there will suddenly be a disco light! And then that famous recording of me and my sister singing "Phantom of the Opera" will play. Which will confuse people big time.

Then the priest comes up and says the rosary, yada yada.

But! While people are looking over my shriveled old body, the lights will dim and then "Stayin' Alive" will play. And then my body will move in a jerky fashion (think: "Weekend at Bernie's") and then I'll do the Time Warp! From Rocky Horror Picture Show.

THEN I'LL HAVE AN IRISH WAKE!

(I'm Irish, by the way, so it's cool.)

Then, depending if anyone goes to my funeral, I'll have readings of my books there, before I finally get cremated/buried, or whatever. I don't think it really matters...

Don't you wish I was dead?

The problem these days is the lack of burying space.

Thats why I'll be buried in the moon.

Everyone seems to have such a creative idea of how they want their funeral to be. I want a regular funeral and I want to be buried somewhere in Northern California and I want the funeral to be somewhere outside in New York City. *shrugs*
It would have also been nice to have John Lennon singing Let It Be but that's not gonna happen. So it would be righteous to have Led Zeppelin play/sing Stairway to Heaven instead.

God, let me die tomorrow.

i want my body to be donated, but not to science, and my funeral to be outside at the cemetary, really just my rememberance, i want my stories to be read and then for someone to say that i was my stories, so thats why i died cause every single one of my characters do...

Weeellllll, I don't want any silly funeral march, I want "If You're Happy And You KNow It Clap Your Hands!" playing, and I want a smily face painted on the coffin or urn or whatever I choose later. Also, I'll put in my will for one of my friends to get up and read this speach on what a horrible person I was ... and I want one of those blinky "Applause" lights attached to the roof so everyone claps at the right times during that speach.
And then I want someone to read out my will and everyone to discover I left all my money to making a weasle shelter, for poor hard-done-by weasles, and left my house to a parrot, because they live longer than cats...

Annnnnnnddddd ... I'll think of more later.

How about something like the "Helena" video? Yeah, with a bunch of people dancing in the aisles and My Chemical Romance performing just for me...but I'd be dead, so I wouldn't really enjoy it...oh well, I'll leave it for my posterity to enjoy...although if my kids are anything like me and I grow up to be anything lik my parents, they're going to cringe at some awful memory of me singing that song at the top of my lungs...

Oh, screw it. I only have one request for my funeral: NO FUNERAL HOMES! They're boring and smell like crap. It's just so stuffy and uncomfortable. I'd prefer having it outdoors somewhere.