Train of thought.

Have a different train of thought to unlock images nobody taught. Having the knowledge of imagination in your personal reality, give it a shot. Don't go to the point of insanity remember to keep it mixed with humanity.

Different levels to find out who you really are, your other half is not very far you just got to imagine that your not fighting a war. Imagine that your on the beach, sitting on the golden coast and you have a train of thought "There are two wolves in everyone and they have always fought. One in love and the other is hate, which one is stronger? the one you most appreciate".

Feed your train of thought don't let it sit there and rot. Take care of it at the rise of dawn, because you don't know what you got it'll it's gone.

Hi Thane,

Welcome to Yws! I hope you like it here.

I like your subject matter here, and the contrast between war and the beach is great.

I'd break it up, to make it easier to read, maybe like this;

"Have a different train of thought to unlock
images nobody taught.
Having the knowledge of imagination
in your personal reality,
give it a shot.
Don't go to the point of insanity
remember to keep it mixed with humanity.

Different levels to find out who you really are,
your other half is not very far
you just got to imagine that your not fighting a war.
Imagine that your on the beach,
sitting on the golden coast
and you have a train of thought
"There are two wolves in everyone
and they have always fought.
One in love and the other is hate,
which one is stronger?
the one you most appreciate".

Feed your train of thought
don't let it sit there and rot.
Take care of it at the rise of dawn,
because you don't know what you got
it'll it's gone."

I'd cut the rhyme because it makes this sound forced, and introduce more imagery. Try to suggest things through imagery rather than saying them directly.

I'd change "you got" to "you have" and "it'll" to "'til", which I presume is what you meant anyway. Also "your" is "your" and "you're" is "you are" so I'd just have a check back over the second stanza and see where these need to be changed.

The best thing you can do for your writing is read poetry.

Hope this helps. Looking forward to reading more of you.

Jas

Hey Thane!

So, this looks like more of a rap then poetry, if that makes sense, just because of the constant rhyming and jaggedness of it all. So that's really neat, and it seems to have a beat! The first two stanzas, in particular, were very good! I like the two wolves imagery particularly. The one stanza that seems the weakest is the last one... it looks like you're trying to review everything that you have, but I don't think that's necessary. Dig deeper in that case.

Also, you need to watch out for typos. Jasmine picked out a couple, so follow her suggestions on that!

what are typos?