Losing the Talent to Write

Blue = my suggestions

I feel a part of me is dying
Yet nothing's being born anew.
I just want the gift back I once had (finish here),
The one I got from you.

The second line is awkward. The conjunction of nothing is making it seem like there are too many syllables, though I can tell you were trying to hide that.

It fades away like the day tide
But it's not coming back up.
Why is this thing rubbing away?
I can't write well with blind luck.

Yeesh, this is also awkward.
The remedy: better wording.

It runs away like a child
Having nowhere to go.
I wish I could coax it back,
But how, I don't know.

(The comma adds an unspoken syllable. It sounds better than having "to" there.)

And I can feel its mark,
The emptiness it left.
I need to fill the spot
Where I can feel its death.

I don't feel like very much creative thought has gone into this stanza especially. I know you're having trouble, that's just something to think about when you get your spark back.

I need to save you
Don't leave me please.
I cannot stay sane,
Cannot release.

Now, you've already made the point that it's dead, so logically, it cannot be saved. The creativity with your words is also lacking.

Stay with me sense,
I love you.
I can't say goodbye
Don't bid me adieu.

Hm, here's a thought: Chop off the last line?

You are mine,
I am yours,
A slave to you,
And your lores.

I don't like the first line or the last line. They don't fit with the rest. You got a bit comma-crazy, too.

Dying
Please
Don't go,
Sieze.

I like the fading. It emphasizes the fading in the second stanza. I don't understand the use of the word seize, though, because seizing is "to take possession of" (Merriam-Webster Dictionary) and that doesn't seem to emphasize your meaning.

Overall, good idea, okay execution. The diction and the balancing of the syllables are a little off, but the idea of a fading skill that is augmented by the number of words in each line is great. Good luck with your setbacks, my friend.

-Clara

Yo,
Just to add a few things about keeping the rhythm and about wording. Not an attempt to tell you how to write, naturally, but I'll use the very begining as an example how in the future perhaps, the rhytm can be steamlined a bit better.

I feel a part of me is dying
Yet nothing's being born anew.
/for rhythm I believe a full 'is' is needed here/
I just want the gift back I once had,
/here, since you say you once had it, the 'back' is not really necessary. It can be:
- I just want the gift I once had
- I just covet the gift I used to have...
Which was given to me by you.
/here, this line is a bit woody, like from a song sang in pubs or footbal games. Keeping in mind that you position yourself in a passive receiving end anyway, it can be something like this.
-Which I had received from you.

And thus we would have:
I feel a part of me is dying
Yet nothing is being born anew.
I just want the gift I once had
Which I had received from you

Thanx for the nice poem and good luck

Another person chiming in to say this poem was great. I think we've all been there at some point (I know I have multiple times) and you really captured the feelings beautifully. :D

Clara pointed out everything I wanted to say, so I'll just second everything she mentioned. Especially the "seized" bit.

Brilliant... a great example of how a poem can interact, not just be a set piece of writing. It also allowed a good understanding of the voice you where putting forward, despite the frame of being a very intently uninformative poem. A wonderful poem, and a great inspiration to anyone one who reads it. carry on with this style, you seem to have a thing for it.

Hey. I just joined today so you don't need to listen to me at all, but I think as writers we are rarely satisfied with our work. I feel like this all the time. Almost as if the one think that makes you special is fleeting and half the time you're not yourself. I like this a lot.

oh by the way, when you said:

Sieze

i think you might have meant "Cease" which means, Stop.

Seize means: "to take hold of suddenly or forcibly; grasp: to seize a weapon." (Dictionary.com)

I'm not going to nitpick, I'm not saying there is nothing to nitpick,
I'm afraid there is quite a bit , but all the same I won't, mostly cause
I think it's all been said but also because I really loved your poem so
I'm going to pretend not to notice the mistakes! It was very clever,
beautiful words, awesome idea and I really like it!
Keep writing,

xoxo
T

The style was nice. I loved how you went from complex thoughts into very simple, single word lines. Nicely done.

I have an issue with the choppiness (sorry if someone has already said this). In order to make the end more powerful, the rest of the piece needs to flow just a little bit more. Consider revising some of the punctuation, especially the commas at the end of lines. The line already suggests a break/pause.

I didn't like the stanza

And I can feel its mark,
Emptiness it left.
I need to fill the spot
Where I sense its death.

And I can feel its mark doesn't fit the piece and the last Where I sense its death is a bit overdramatic for my liking.

EDIT: as a poster said above, you used the wrong seize (or at least I think you did).

Don't stop writing, never lose hope.

No one ever loses the talent to write, they are just blocked from ideas. I like this poem for the most part, but some lines did not flow as well as they should have. Just take another look at it and rearrange some of the wording. It was good overall.