More than Flower

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In that little burst
little burst of color
What is there to see?
What else could be fuller?

Look at it again
Look inside the heart
What could there be hidden?
Is it being smart?

More than any old flower
that is what I see
magical, mysterious
Whatever can it be?
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Hi. You should continue on this poem. Descibe more. Why does it look magical and mysterious? What colour is this flower? In the beginning, you write "In that little burst little burst of color", is the repetition of "little burst intentional? Maybe you could mention that the little burst of colour is from the flower's brightly coloured petals in the beginning so the reader will know that they're reading about a flower right away.
Overall, expand. Continue on the imagery that you see. Tell us what you saw, remember, we weren't there with you. We don't know what the flower looks like.

-Crescent
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Hey, I agree with Cresent in that there could be more detail and depth, but even as a poem on its own it's pretty good. There is one line though, that I have an issue with. "Is it being smart". It seems like maybe you couldn't think of anything else that rhymed, correct me if I'm wrong. It doesn't seem to really fit or make sense. Maybe you could change that one line just to keep the flow. But otherwise it's really good :)
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.




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Yeah, you're right. I did put it there just to rhyme. I think I'll be rewriting the poem soon! :?

Bluey
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hello there, Blue!

Your poem's short and you really have to make it long because it seems that you left it hanging! :o

In that little burst
little burst of color
What is there to see?
What else could be fuller?


um.... one thing. Repetitions.you kind of repeated "little burst" in two lines.

Anyway, your poem's good but you need to make it longer to sense and know really what is the message of your poem.

Keep writing!
"Life is a poem keep it in the present tense." -Sherrel Wigal



It had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle. The door opened on to a tube-shaped hall like a tunnel: a very comfortable tunnel without smoke, with panelled walls, and floors tiled and carpeted, provided with polished chairs, and lots and lots of pegs for hats and coats—the hobbit was fond of visitors. The tunnel wound on and on, going fairly but not quite straight into the side of the hill —The Hill, as all the people for many miles round called it—and many little round doors opened out of it, first on one side and then on another.
— JRR Tolkien