Only Human

Written while still trembling after a particularly nasty encounter with a critic on fictionpress...still makes my stomach hurt, oddly enough. I'm sure a lot of you will be able to relate. Its important to try to be gentle (god knows, I'm as bad as anyone) when critiquing someone's work...it is equally important never to give up when people dont like what you've written. At least I think it is. Couldnt I just go in the corner and hide now?

Only Human

There is a big gaping hole in my chest
Where you tore out my heart
And chopped it up
Into little pieces.
There is a sharp, thudding ache
In my head
Where my ideas were tortured and tormented
Crumpled, belittled, and destroyed
By you.
I don’t know who appointed you
The master of creation.
I certainly gave you
No authority over me.
Its not that I care that you don’t like it –
I care that you think so little of my feelings
That you stomp, smash, bulldoze your way
Through my opinions
Terrorize my dreams and
It hurts me that you don’t try to understand.
Can’t you see that I am just like you?
I may not be an expert, but
I am trying
I may be a little younger, but
I’m growing!
I am willing to be taught, please
Teach me, don’t destroy me.
Add a little kindness
Don’t soak me in honey but don’t kill me with poison.
How can I open up my soul to your voracious eyes,
If I know that it will be ripped and shredded
Violated by your enmity?
That which does not kill me may make me stronger
But it hurts; and I wish you would remember that
I’m only human.

I like this! I know what you're talking about to, I have a long list of friends who do not understand writing.

Maybe this line:
"Crumpled, belittled, and destroyed – by you."
Could be better done like:
"Crumpled, belittled, and destroyed
By you."
In two lines, but that's really just a matter of preferance. Depends what you like, you wrote it after all.


"How can I open up my soul to your voracious eyes,
If I know that it will be ripped and shredded
Violated by your enmity?"

I like this bit! I just want to scream that at people, when they insist on asking whats wrong, but then laugh whenever you try to tell them.

LMAO its so funny you should say that, because originally it WAS on two lines, but later I thought ppl might not like the two-word line ("by you") so I made it one line! I'll change it back now hehe. Thanks.

I know what you mean - criticism is hard to tolerate at the best of times, but when its deliberately nasty and belittling its even worse. Sometimes they just dont understand... heheh

amazing! didn't see any problems. Really like it.

I loved it!
I wrote a poem called "Task" like this...what I mean is that... it's really not a deadgiveaway on what is going on, ILIKEIT!!!!!

very nice. your word choice showed the anger, but without becoming just...vulgar curses, lol. didn't you have a line about honey in another poem of yours? or was that someone else? lol, honey's a nice word actually...I just noticed that you happened to like it. (and if that wasn't you, then forget that last bit) -penny

I think it was... there was honey in "crush" the poem that this one was about (sort of) Anyway... really like this! That's exactly how I feel when people do that to me... except then I get up again and hit them with all I've got...

I confess, I do love the word honey. Sweet and thick and yummy! You'll probably notice I reuse ideas and impressions because they go with so much in my mind - i.e. underwater, honey, swimming, etc. I learned to swim when I was a baby and it seems to form a big part of my perceptions for some reason...and I love Pooh Bear, so consequently, honey has developed particular significance for me. Its odd, but there it is.

honey is a very nice word, i don't blame you. it's one of those words that sounds exactly like what it means. it's a very sweet and thick and sticky word. and it's a very warm word too. and yes, it's a yummy word too. honey is a good word!! lol. much love-penny

I named the prologue too my story Honey! Honey... it's a good word for describing thick, golden and sweet!

i thought this was amazing!
the style is great and the words are perfect
u write ten times better then me
can you look at my work on other poetry
and give me a few tips

I really liked it. I think this is the first poem of yours that I have read and it was really good. I can totally relate to it and feel like it is as if the poem is discribing the way I feel most of the time. Good job. Keep up the good work!

I liked it a lot. I think this is the first poem of yours that I have read and really enjoyed it. I can relate to it b/c it's as if it is discribing the way I feel sometimes but don't we all? I will continue to read your poems and tell you what I think. Good job, keep up the good work!

For me...the 'don't soak me in honey, kill me in poison' part was the most vivid. I think you know that this poem is very raw, and I know that were you to do a rewrite, or write a completely different poem about the same topic, you would do it oh-so-differently, years after the event really happened. Things like this...that leave you reeling and hurt and raw...they need time to develop, they need time for you to find those similes and metaphors hiding in the corner of your mind, they need imagery, more imagery than usual, so as to mute the effect of your emotions, raw and loud. Subtlety is the key here - understating your actual feelings, looking like you've put a lid on them - they actually have a more powerful effect that way, without simply being literal statements on your feelings (or near-literal). I've seen your more recent poems, and I know you're brilliant, plus I think this is a matter that you could address much better now, so I'd like to see a rewrite