Landscape

Teasing and taunting voices fill your mind
with images and landscapes that bind
your soul with your body - your body with your soul.

The wind whispers, echoing your dreams.
Ideas bounce off boulders before jumping into the sea of thought.
Your mind begins to race and ponder on what it all means.
Could it be, you have finally found what you sought -

All
those
years
and
all
those
decades?

No.

Hey Arris!

This is a much better poem than the first one I looked at, so yay for you! Now, make sure not to do that ugly
thing
where
you
do
this
to
try
and
seem
poetic.
It doesn't work... really. In fact, it pretty much fails miserably.

Also, consider adding on. The emphatic no is kind of cool, but the question remains... what exactly are you talking about? So a little addition might be cool.

Hi, Arris!

I also prefer this one to the first one! In fact, I quite liked this!

I sort of kind of loved the little rhyming thing you had going on. In the second stanza, though, the rhyming gets stomped on by the lengthy lines. I don't think you need that many words to reach your original idea, and it might be an interesting experiment to see how few you actually need. Besides, shortening the lines will also bring the rhyming out more, which is what we want!

I liked the ending, too. I'm sure the line break thing is intentional and not just "because it looks cool", which makes it all the more interesting.

So just polish the flow a little and reduce the word count, and I think you'lll have a lovely little poem.


Demeter
x

I enjoyed reading through your poem but i do not see the essence of the repetion here
"your soul with your body - your body with
your soul."
it looks awkward there the poem just need a little work