Mia: All Present and Correct

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Entry Four-- 12 Sept.

There's one thing that bothers me: I don't know when my birthday is.

The subject comes up when one of the elderly patients turns eighty-two. He holds a party for his friends and relations- including Kalen and I.

At first my roommate can't get me within ten feet of anything resembling a blouse or skirt. I protest
that I've never worn either, but she maintains that I probably have.

"C'mon, Mia. It's only polite to dress up when someone invites you to a party."

"C'mon yourself! I'll go in shirt and pants or not at all."

She glares: the first time I've seen her truly mad.

"Kalen. I can't; if I'm all hemmed in like that, I won't know what to do."

Her expression softens just a little. She says, "OK. Tell you what: try this on, and if you don't like it,
there are some dress pants in here."

She passes over something in a pale green shade. It smells of mothballs and a hint of vanilla.

If you're wondering, journal, I have seen a video now. Since it showed a young woman putting on a skirt, I at least know how to do that.

"Now there's a good look." Kalen smiles full-on at me. "You've managed to gain weight."

Have I? It seems like I've been on the liquid diet forever. What is it with real doctors?
Last edited by Stori on Wed Jul 27, 2011 2:22 pm, edited 4 times in total.




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Hi Stori.

This seems like it needs a lot of work, and that it needs to be much, much longer. You've got so many ideas and interesting thoughts in the piece, but yet you're trying to jam-pack it all into one short piece. I don't really know what Mia is like and she just seems like a cardboard cutout to me. You start of the piece with an interesting thought but you never talk about it again. I say expand this into something so it does your great ideas justice.

-Elinor

All our dreams can come true — if we have the courage to pursue them.

-- Walt Disney



Mudwesterner
— BlueAfrica