Deception by the Viledee

Ok, this is my first short-story, and indeed my first story of tragedy. Well, there's a first for everything, I suppose...


Deception on the Viledee

The dark was deep as black velvet on that July night so long ago. That night misfortune fell upon the house of Aoidh, the House carpenter.

Máiréad sat on the hearth carpet, nursing a small babe wrapped in white sheets of cloth. The child’s eyelids wavered as drowsiness overtook him. His mother lovingly wiped a strand away from the sleeping child’s face, and kissed him on the forehead, then rose and walked toward the crib in the corner of the fire-lit room.
As she lowered the babe into the crib, there issued three taps from the small cabin’s door.
Máiréad turned with the babe still in her hands to look at the door in curiosity. Who would be calling on Aoidh at this hour of night? Aoidh had long since been asleep.
She cautiously approached the crude wooden door and called, “Who is it?”
There was no response. Máiréad lifted a small board from near the top of the door and peered out into the darkness. She stopped still when she saw who was standing before her.
“Well met, my love,” the stranger said in a low, quiet voice.
Máiréad stood speechless, staring at the figure on the other side of the door, before lifting the hatch slowly and opening it. It swung outward slowly on greased hinges as the stranger stepped across the threshold.
“G-G-Garith!” Máiréad finally forced the words through her trembling lips. “Is that you?”
The stranger looked up slowly into Máiréad’s face.
“Oh, Máiréad,” he said in a hushed whisper. “It’s been many a long year since I saw you.”
Máiréad stood stunned, staring at Garith in astonishment.
“Where have you been?” she asked, sitting heavily down on a chair nearby.
“That is indeed a story,” Garith replied, seating himself in a chair across from hers.
“It’s been six long years,” Máiréad muttered. “Six years since your banishment. What are you doing here? How did you get into the country unnoticed?”
“That is a story for another time,” Garith replied. “But I have returned for the love of you, my love. My love for you took me to such an extent that I could’ve married the great king of Spain’s daughter. Indeed, it’s tons of gold I have refused, and it’s all for the love of you my love; All for the love of you.”
Máiréad could not suppress a giggle at this. “Well!” she said. “If you could’ve married the great king’s daughter you have yourself to blame. But I am afraid that I have married Aoidh. A house-carpenter by trade, but I think he’s a nice young man, and a good husband.”
“But what if you leave your house carpenter?” Garith’s question took Máiréad by surprise. She looked up at him suddenly to see him on his feet. He took her arm and lifted her from the chair. “What if you leave here and go along with me? Oh, I could take you with me, there’s a wonderful home waiting for us, right on the banks of the Viledee River in France.”
Máiréad felt ecstatic by the words that Garith spoke. She had been bored with the life as a House Carpenter’s wife, and she possessed a longing to see the world deep in her heart. But yet leaving all that she had here seemed almost too much, and so sudden; she was not sure.
“But what if I leave my House Carpenter and go along with you?” Máiréad asked. “Will do you have to support me with and keep me from slavery?”
A wide smile came to Garith’s lips at this question. “Well, when I was spending time in the great king’s courts, I was able to, um, “borrow” some ships. Indeed, I have six ships at anchor now and seven more at sea. Three hundred and ten jolly sailors all under my command. All to wait on you.”
Máiréad was sorely tempted now. Here was her childhood lover come to claim her, and with thirteen ships and three hundred and ten men? This was too much to turn down.
“But what about my child?” Máiréad asked after a time of consideration.
“Could not your House Carpenter keep him?” Garith asked.
She nodded and looked over at the cradle where her babe now lay sleeping.
“Alright,” she said finally. “But we must leave now if we are to be away before my husband awakes.” She walked to the cradle and lifted her child, kissing him thrice on the forehead. “Stay, my darling boy, and do keep your father company.”
Then she turned and accompanied Garith to the door.

~

They walked down the road until they reached a crossroad, where five burly men stood waiting, four holding a litter in which one could sit and the other holding a blood red dress. Máiréad gasped, for the dress was indeed a thing of beauty.
“They are for you, my love,” Gareth said.
Máiréad took the dress and slid it over her thin bed gown, which was hidden now by the deep red silk of the dress. Then Garith helped her into the litter and from there she was carried down the road and through the streets of nearby Galway. A small crowd assembled to see the small procession pass by. Many in fact thought, due to the grandeur of the dress and the litter, that Máiréad was a woman of royal birth.
When they reached the dock Máiréad climbed down from the litter and was lead up the gangplank and onto the boat, which pitched sail once she was aboard. She almost felt relief as the ship sailed further away from the shore, leaving her previous life behind.
However, when the shoreline was no longer visible, she heard an ominous chuckle from behind her. She turned to see Gareth standing there, with a cruel smile on his face.

~

They were not two days out at sea when Máiréad was wishing she had never met Garith. He had proven cruel, rude and abusive. The moment the shoreline was completely hidden behind the horizon his whole attitude had changed, and now when he used to treat her with loving kindness he would hit her and his temper would be triggered by most whatever she did.
Until she could no longer take it. On the second day Máiréad had been dragged forcefully to the deck so that Garith could use her as an example of what would happen to those who were disobedient.
However just as Garith raised his hand to strike Máiréad, she cried, “A Curse!”
All fell silent as the last syllables left her lips. All on board were listening.
“A curse I say, to all these men who dragged me out to sea!! A curse to all those who took me from my darling baby boy, who have robbed me from all I loved. A curse to the deception weaved by all those men! A curse!!” She ended the last word with a wail, before collapsing on the deck.
She was left there as the men went back to their work. All were thoroughly shaken, for all of them had heard of the Irish witches that could curse a man. Though none was more shaken than Gareth, who had felt the words wrench at his innards and claw at his mind.
There Máiréad lay, alone on the deck until far into the night, not a soul to be with her or to comfort her.

~

The next morning Máiréad was gone from the deck. The ship was searched thoroughly, but they found nothing. Only by discovery that a cannon was missing a cannonball did Garith come to realise that she had cast herself over the edge of the ship.
He looked into the water, cursing under his breath. He had gone through all the trouble to bring back the woman he loved best, but she had disagreed with him. Now all the crime that he had done in the past was for naught.
“SAIL HO!” A voice shouted from the crow’s nest. Garith looked out over the sea, to see at the top of a tall sail flying the colours of the Spanish flag. It looked like the king wanted his ships back…

~

Máiréad’s body was found washed up on the shore of Galway a week later, a cannonball tied to her leg. It was taken to Aoidh’s house soon after its discovery, where Aoidh buried her behind the small cabin. He was sorrow-stricken after that, the grief clawing away at his heart until he finally died of a broken heart. He was buried next to his wife, followed closely by his son, who was taken by the small pox, which swept through that area not long after the deaths of the parents. And thus a family was ruined, all for the love of a single woman and a man who would have his way.

Hi Lord!

Welcome to YWS, I'm June-- Juniper to some, Grain, Juno, Junior-- whatever, basically! The point is, I'm your critic for the moment.

If I'm too nitpicky, too harsh, or generally just too annoying in this review, you can feel free to PM me and let me know what not to do when I review you again. But, for now, I'm just going to run through this the best I can.

I'm probably going to sound harsh here, but! It's nothing personal, at all. Anything harsh that comes from me is meant to be constructive criticism (unless I don't like you, but it's rare for me not to like someone). Let's begin:

To begin! Here's a little nitpick that has nothing to do with your story; it's kind of preferred on YWS that you don't use colored fonts, because YWS has another layout (My YWS>> Preferences>> Chimped Out) that makes the font colors hard to see sometimes, whereas if you use plain font, it automatically converts it to a readable color in the other layout. And, for kicks, black font is more writer-ly.


Anyway! The story, yes.


- -


Opening:


The beginning of your work is what you really, really want to put all of your effort into. The beginning is the hook; your readers either catch it or miss it, so you want to really make sure that your beginning is original, clear, and enjoyable.

In publishing, you will find that agents ask for the first page, or first two pages of your story! This is because the beginning is crucial, and you can tell alot about a story from the beginning. Of course the story gets better as it progresses and unfolds.

The dark was deep as black satin on that July night so long ago. That night misfortune fell upon the house of Aoidh, the House carpenter.

Now! This beginning is not bad, but it could use some tweaking! It's halfway confusing, because you say "The dark was as deep"-- this could mean two things: It's deep, like a well or a pit, that spirals endlessly into nowhere, or it could mean that it's so deep in color, it's black. I'm pretty sure you mean the second one.

I understand this, but the other part of the audience may not! One of the many favors you can do for your audience is use the clearest language as possible, dear.

You will also find that it bothers many critics to see such a traditional opening to a story! See, not many people really care what the weather is like, what the atmosphere is like at the very beginning of a story-- don't get me wrong, these are juicy bits to include. But starting a story with it can turn some people away.

So! I am not saying that this is terrible-- because it's not! But, I'm just saying, that the first lines tell alot. If you have something a little less traditional, but at the same time informative and catching, you can do wonders for the audience.



- -

Moving on, I am now going to point out some important things that you can pay attention to as your write:

Máiréad sat on the hearth carpet, nursing a small babe wrapped in white sheets of cloth.

(Pretty name, by the way)

This is pretty much a nitpick, but you say "wrapped in white sheets of cloth". By using "sheets", it's already implied that it's cloth, dear, so you can pretty much eliminate the word cloth from the picture.

As she lowered the babe into the crib, there issued three taps from the small cabin’s door.

So! Another important thing you want to pay attention to is sentence coordination. You want to make sure that your order of words is not confusing, want to make sure you don't have any 'displaced' words and want to make sure that your language is fluent; in my opinion, I have a feeling that this sentence should be:

...three taps issued from the cabin's small door. (Or reverse the order of cabin and small-- whichever is correct.

Máiréad lifted a small board from near the top of the door and peered out into the darkness. She stopped still when she saw who was standing before her.

I underlined these two words here because one of them need to be eliminated. You can choose which one, but having too many word in one sentence raises the problem of deadwood, dear.


- - -


So, let's see. There are good and bad things to every story, so! Right here, I am going to point out some things I liked and did not like.

• I like the names you chose for you characters. They were unique and seem suited to the time that this took place. I am assuming that this took place some long time ago. Usually, when an author uses unique names for their characters, it can become bothersome, provided that the audience may feel that they're naming their characters this way just for the sake of being unique. I didn't feel that here, nice job.


• I think this was paced rather quick, and that took away a lot from this. It was an extremely quick decision she made to go along with this man. I think that it would take a lot more convincing to get her to go; hasn't she established a life with a man she loved, and had a child she cared for? It would seemingly take a lot more persuasion; she'd have to have something very promising awaiting her.


• Also! I did like how evenly paced the beginning ones. As we travel further through the story, the momentum picks up, and so does the pace! I think that it's all like, "Whoa! Action, action, action!" which isn't totally bad, but! I think you need to kind of even this out. Tell us a little bit about that abuse he practices.

• Another thing: When she was drowned, she had an iron ball tied to her leg? Well, an iron ball would cause someone to sink, and the chances of them washing up on shore is very low. Think about shipwrecks. If the weight of the ship's holdings and such holds the bodies, then the bodies decompose down there, right? It's not really possible for her to wash ashore!

So! If like, she just jumped overboard without the weight, or broke free somehow, it would make more sense.


On the whole, I think you have a good piece here. I would also advise against rushing the story forth, because it kind of sounds like you're info dumping after a point, dear. Instead of telling the story in details and such, you're rushing it by stacking all the juicy stuff into a pile.


Nice read! Thanks for that. Good luck writing, and welcome to YWS!

If you've got any questions, comments-- or just want to PM me, my inbox is open.


Juniper

lilfeather, did you just copy June's review? That doesn't help anyone now does it...
Anyway...

Nitpicks/things to point out:

LordLoredaen wrote:The dark was deep as black satin on that July night so long ago. That night misfortune fell upon the house of Aoidh, the House carpenter.

Good opening. It really draws the reader in.

LordLoredaen wrote:Máiréad sat on the hearth carpet,

Be careful with names like these. When I see something like this my brain goes, 'weird, don't know how to pronounce it, next word'.

LordLoredaen wrote:Who would be calling on Aoidh at this hour of night?

I would put this in italics.

LordLoredaen wrote:“Oh, Máiréad,” he said in a hushed whisper. “It’s been many a long year since I saw you.”

You've introduced this character and I want to know more about him. I think this would be a good time to put in some history.

LordLoredaen wrote:“It’s been six long years,” Máiréad muttered. “Six years since your banishment. What are you doing here? How did you get into the country unnoticed?”

In that history I would include something about this banishment because now I'm curious.
(I guess if this is part of the suspense and build-up in your story don't do this obviously.)

Characters:
I didn't really feel connected to any of the characters. In a short piece like this you don't have that much time to make us love or hate your characters. I think to help with this, some more background and history of the characters would be good. That way, we'd know them more like people.

Plot:
Good idea/concept for the plot and I thought you executed fairly well. I think the main problem was that you moved too fast. I know this is hard because you're writing a short story but I think if you expand a little more and slow the pace down it would be better.
Also, I didn't really like the ending. I thought this big curse would prove to be something bigger then just a little one time thing. I wanted to see the bad guy die from this curse and have the lady get reunited with her husband and baby! Obviously happy endings don't always work out but I was expected more out of this curse.

Overall:
I really liked how you wrote it. I like your language and writing style. It's very descriptive and rich.
Nice work!

-Carly

Hey Iain,

Maggie here to do your review! I hope I'm helpful for you!

Nit-picks:

The dark was deep as black satin

Deep as satin? *scratches head* This description doesn't make a lot of sense to me (isn't satin sort of glossy? That would give the opposite appearance of deepness I think). Perhaps you could switch this up a bit to keep the same idea and also make it more reader friendly. Try changing the noun or adjective in the comparison, for example:

1. Smooth/velvety as satin
2. Deep as the ocean

on that July night so long ago.

June already mentioned this above, but I'm just going to reiterate a bit. The opening to anything (story, poem, lyrics...)--specifically the first sentence/paragraph-- is incredibly important. Readers are very judgmental creatures and if they get turned off from the story in the very beginning, what would be the point for them to continue reading? After all, there are thousands of thousands of other books out there.

So, that's why we like to really capture the audience's attention in the first couple lines, which means *drumroll* lots of originality! Basically what I mean is that you want to start with something the reader hasn't heard before or put a twist on something old. Right now when you say "so long ago" it's a little boring, but only because it's been done. I'm sure you could come up with something really intriguing to draw in the reader!

the House carpenter.

"House" shouldn't be capitalized here unless the house has special significance or is a name.

wrapped in white sheets of cloth

.
*Grins* This description made me laugh to myself. The fact that you clarify that the sheets are of cloth made me wonder what other kind of sheet it might be. Paper? *Giggles* I think it would be alright for you to say simply "white sheets". It sounds better too.

The child’s eyelids wavered

*Waggles hand* Wavered doesn't seem to be the right word choice here. It has the connotation of going back and forth between decisions, which kind of personifies the child's eyelids....Maybe change to something like: lowered, twitched, fluttered etc.

His mother lovingly wiped a strand

Strand? Of what? Hair, I'm guessing. But you need to tell the audience so, else we're left to our own devices and I'm sure you can imagine what could happen then... Also, if it *is* hair, "wiped" seems like a strange verb to use. I don't think you wipe your hair, do you? Maybe say, "brushed aside" or something of the like.

the sleeping child’s face, and

Unnecessary comma.

kissed him on the forehead, then rose and walked toward the crib

I would split this into two sentences. It makes it snappier and easier to read. So, "...on the forehead. She then rose and..."

there issued three taps

I'm not quite sure what this means. The phrasing doesn't make sense. "There" is pretty much a figurative word for a place so it's not really a noun. So it therefore can't really make noises. Only nouns can act. Instead say straight out what you need to say-- making it fancy usually only makes it confusing.

Who would be calling on Aoidh at this hour of night? Aoidh had long since been asleep.

Why does she automatically assume it's for Aoidh? Is it not her house? Maybe introduce the two's relationship before hand too. Though if you have a reason to hold back information that's alright too.

She cautiously approached the crude wooden door and called,

Too much telling here. Show us that she moved cautiously (did she tilt her head? hold her breath? tiptoe?), that the door was crude (was the paint chipped? was the shape crooked in places? were there holes?). When you show us these things it makes the actions "come alive". Everything is much less robotic. The readers get to see things for themselves rather than taking your word for it.

“Well met, my love,”

Well met? I'm not even sure what to make of that...I've not a clue what it's implying... Me thinks rephrase

the stranger said in a low, quiet voice.

He's not a stranger though, because afterwards we find out that Máiréad knows him already. You can say "man" or "figure" instead.

Máiréad finally forced the words

This is my personal preference, but I think, "...finally forced words..." sounds better! Too many articles make me unhappy.

said in a hushed whisper.

*raises an ironic brow* Whispers are usually hushed... This is a bit redundant. Pick one word or the other.

“It’s been many a long year since I saw you.”

I think I might've heard that phrase once or twice. Change it up! Just like in the beginning, we want to keep the reader's interest by using original phrasing.

Máiréad stood stunned, staring at Garith in astonishment.

This is alright, but (!) it could be better. Show us her astonishment. What does that mean for her? Does she become pale? Dazed?

she asked, sitting heavily down on a chair nearby.

Ditto.

“That is,indeed, a story,”

Commas are needed around “indeed” because it’s an aside.

“It’s been six long years,”

The years have already been called long… Don’t get repetitive.

“Six years since your banishment. What are you doing here? How did you get into the country unnoticed?”

*Is intrigued*

“But I have returned for the love of you, my love. My love for you took me to such an extent

The first sentence is oddly worded. It would make more sense if he just said “because I love you” or “for you, my love.” Also “love” is repeated many, many times. Second sentence, huh? What does this mean? How did the love “take” him? Love doesn’t take… Be wary of wrongly personifying objects and miss-using words.

Indeed, it’s tons of gold I have refused,

First, you’ve said “indeed” already. And second, this part of the sentence doesn’t make much sense either. There isn’t a formerly mentioned object, so there shouldn’t be an “it”. You can change it to, “Indeed, I have refused tons of gold…” And if you want to shorten the entire sentence you can add, “ton of gold for you, my love.” That way you don’t repeat love a lot of times.

my love; All for the love of you.”

The first letter after a semicolon is not capitalized.

“If you could’ve married the great king’s daughter you have yourself to blame.

Badly worded. Sounds as though she’s saying it’s his fault that the king’s daughter was available to him, which may be true (the audience wouldn’t know) but I don’t
think she’d be happy about that. Maybe say something else.

your house carpenter?”

You continuously change house carpenter. Sometimes capitalized, sometimes not, sometimes with a hyphen, sometimes not…and combinations of therein. It doesn’t really matter which one you choose, as long as you do so.

Máiréad felt ecstatic by the words that Garith spoke.

“felt ecstatic” sounds truly bizarre. It needs to be with the correct conjugation of “to be” instead. Also “by” should be “from”.

But yet

Choose one. And if you keep “yet” there needs to be a comma following it.

“What do you have to support me with and keep me from slavery?”

This interaction is beginning to seem very unrealistic. Making a guess at the time period, it seems likely that a house wife would consider running off with an old love, especially when she has a child and has not been abused/provoked by the husband. Also if she goes with Garith she is probably interested in him in a romantic sense still, which makes me wonder why she is almost...bartering (?) with him?

I was able to, um, “borrow” some ships.

Here I see two issues. First, though correct me if I’m wrong, this is taking place in Great Britain (Ireland, judging by the names). If I’m wrong disregard this, but in GB, when they write out things like “um” it becomes either “erm” or “er”. Also, form what I’ve read so far, Garith seems the type to say “well” here, rather than the other sounds. It’s more proper. The second thing was that “borrow” should be in italics, not quotes.

Indeed, I have

“Indeed” again.

She nodded and looked over at the cradle where her babe now lay sleeping. “Alright,” she said finally.

It seems might strange to me that someone who was doting on the baby just moments ago would agree to leave them at the drop of a hat. Especially a mother. This might seem like an insignificant detail, but to make Mairead a relatable/realistic/understandable character she needs motives and reasons for her actions. So, right now we know that she wants to have adventure because her life is boring, but she also has responsibilities and obligations at home. She needs a real reason to ditch them Is she depressed? Does her husband ignore her? Are they desperately poor? If she’s not a good mother and ergo doesn’t care for the baby, say so! Give us a little character detail.

“They are for you, my love,” Gareth said.

*Raises eyebrows* One huge faux-pas is to spell a characters name wrong. Especially a main character.

Máiréad took the dress and slid it over her thin bed gown, which was hidden now by the deep red silk of the dress. Then Garith helped her into the litter and from there she was carried down the road and through the streets of nearby Galway. A small crowd assembled to see the small procession pass by. Many in fact thought, due to the grandeur of the dress and the litter, that Máiréad was a woman of royal birth. When they reached the dock Máiréad climbed down from the litter and was lead up the gangplank and onto the boat, which pitched sail once she was aboard. She almost felt relief as the ship sailed further away from the shore, leaving her previous life behind. However, when the shoreline was no longer visible, she heard an ominous chuckle from behind her. She turned to see Gareth standing there, with a cruel smile on his face.

Three things. 1. Garith is spelled wrong again. 2. Too much telling in the descriptions. 3. Time moves too quickly. I’ve already talked about the first two, but this third one is really important as well. Pacing is crucial in stories, especially short ones like this. It’s hard to fight the temptation to just get right to the actions (that’s where the fun is after-=all!) but it makes the story very shall and plot based: boring! When Mairead is being carried, it would be an ideal time for character to reflect and have some internal thoughts that the reader can be privy to. It’s a great way to enlighten us to their POVs.

They were not two days out at sea when Máiréad was wishing she had never met Garith. He had proven cruel, rude and abusive. The moment the shoreline was completely hidden behind the horizon his whole attitude had changed, and now when he used to treat her with loving kindness he would hit her and his temper would be triggered by most whatever she did. Until she could no longer take it.

Again, pacing. This is moving too quickly! Too much narrating (telling) and not enough demonstrating (showing). We want to experience those two days and find out for ourselves that Garith is horrible.

to sea!!

Never use double punctuation marks!!!! (Except in ellipsis…but that’s different.) When authors, over use…punctuation---it just. Gets. Really. Irritating!!! Don’t ya, think????

A curse!!”

Ditto.

shaken than Gareth,

Garith. With an “I”. I think if he were a real person he’d be getting real offended about now.

“SAIL HO!”

That rule about double punctuation? It applies to capitals too. There should only be one capitalized letter in a sentence (ignoring names and titles, of course). An exclamation point suffices, but if you really want emphasis use italics.

Máiréad’s body was found washed up on the shore of Galway a week later, a cannonball tied to her leg.

…If a cannon ball was tied to her leg she wouldn’t wash up on shore.

It was taken to Aoidh’s house soon after its discovery, where Aoidh buried her behind the small cabin.

Don’t switch between calling the body “it” and “she”. Pick one and stick with it.

he finally died of a broken heart.

*raises eyebrow* Before this there had been no real indication that they were in love. Why is he grief stricken. And was he not before, when his wife ran away?

And thus a family was ruined, all for the love of a single woman and a man who would have his way.

Very abrupt. And this line makes the story sound like it should have some sort of resounding meaning…but I’m not finding it. It was very action-y and then came to a very quick ending. In fact, I think that if you cut this last paragraph out, it would be a better ending.

Characters:
Like I mentioned before Mairead has a huge lack of motivation. I though maybe that she had an unhappy home life, but it’s seems like that other than it being boring it was pretty nice and her baby and husband were really important to her. So I can’t really comprehend why she would just leave…She must be a really, realllllly irresponsible person to do so. Though that doesn’t make sense either, since she spent time taking care of the baby too…

As for Garith, I love the twisted kind of characters personally. Who are in love, but express it in a demented way. But the way you wrote the character was more like he was simply evil and out to cause pain. Either way, Garith also lacks motivation…or in this case, a background story. Was he always like this and Mariead hadn’t seen it? Or did he change while he was away? What made him change?

Dialogue:
There wasn’t much of it, but the bits that there were, were decent. Sometimes, particularly when Garith was speaking, it got oddly convoluted and hard to understand. It seemed like you were trying hard to make Garith speak properly, but because you’re not really familiar with old English (obviously, since we’ve basically past new English and are on the way to super incredibly new English) it didn’t work quite the right way. To fix that I would read older texts, the more you do so, the easier it will become.

Description:
The only thing I can offer here, is show us, don’t tell us. It’s ten thousand times more effective. I promise. It’s the same in real life. Have you ever had to explain to someone where something is while they’re driving? Doesn’t make you want to steal the wheel and just drive them right to it? It’s the same idea.

Overall:
Interesting idea/concept and very cool characters and names. To make this piece better just think about fleshing it out. What you have right now, is basically skin and bones. What we need now is some meat and, yes, some fat on there too. You have a lot of potential, as does this story! I hope to see more in the future.

PM me if you have any questions or would like another review.
Very good read! Great job, Teamie!
*Gives cookie*
Adieu!
Maggie