A Drop of Water

I'm not sure about this one. I've only just started to work with non-rhyming poetry (I used to hate blank verse, etc., coz it didnt rhyme..I cant believe myself, sometimes, since now I love it to death LOL). I just decided to put it in other because I wasnt sure where else it would go. Like most of my non-rhyming poetry, its more a flow-of-consciousness thing. I have no idea what it means, since its nothing like what I intended to write isnt it weird how that happens?

A Drop of Water

I am
A drop of water
Smooth, slick, sleek, sliding-
Life is my window
And I am on the outside, running down
Like a clock almost unwound; out of time
I am disconnected
Encased within myself
My senses are distorted by what I think I see
Meanwhile
You are my reflection
I see myself through your eyes
And I am
A drop of water
Sliding smoothly and unnoticed
Into the ocean of my dreams

Wow! Very nice, exspecially if this is one of your first few times writing non-ryming!The only area that needs work it this:

bubblewrapped wrote:I am
A drop of water
Smooth, slick, sleek, sliding-

You have to jump in more. Try combinding the first two lines, and I think it would sound better if you just got rid of the third line.

I agree with Dreami. Combine the first two lines.

I really liked the poem, like your others I have read, it flows well and the word choices are excellent.

The line "My senses are distorted by what I think I see" doesn't fit in my eyes. I'm not much of a poet, so I'm not good at suggesting what else to put in, but I think you should keep the sentiment but make it shorter.

But, I really enjoyed it. I'm almost beginning to enjoy poetry! (almost).

I've only started writing poetry this month, so I'm not good at it, but I liked that! There were a few slight fixy up thingies that the others suggested that I would see to, but other than that, GREAT!

Thanks for the advice guys! So you reckon it should read something like this...?

A Drop of Water

I am a drop of water
Life is my window
And I am on the outside, running down
Like a clock almost unwound; out of time
I am disconnected
Encased within myself
My senses are distorted by what I think I see
Meanwhile
You are my reflection
I see myself through your eyes
And I am
A drop of water
Sliding smoothly and unnoticed
Into the ocean of my dreams

I honestly liked them both. I have no comment aside from that but great job! I love water now

I prefer the second one. It flows really well, which really suits what the poem is about..Yup, certainly very well written. Good work.