Shopping Spree

PG-13 for references to rape.

I know it's short, given that it's only the preface. Please just tell me what you think of this, I'm sure it has typos, and I'll go through for them myself, so I prefer no nit-picks. If you like giving them go right ahead though. I want to see what people think of this before I decide whether or not to keep this storyline and write more, because I have way too many plots and I'm trying to see which of them I should keep.

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Kristy Adkins spun around, watching the ice-blue skirt flare up around her knees in the dressing room mirror. Her lips curved into a smile; she didn’t like to be vain, but she couldn’t deny that the color and style looked good on her. Not to mention the skirt was an elusive perfect match to the new blouse she was planning to wear on her date with Samuel Friday night. It might make a good graduation outfit, too—that was only a few weeks away, after all. She twirled again, enjoying the way the skirt flew out around her.
Suddenly, Kristy thought she heard something—the sound of a key being turned in a lock. “Hello?” she asked, holding her breath and listening hard. Everything was quiet, but at the same time, she felt a new urgency to buy the skirt and be on her way. She didn’t know why, but she found herself thinking of the man outside. He had been so creepy, with those beady, black eyes… His face was in her mind as she let the skirt fall down to floor and picked up her jeans.
Then, several things happened so fast Kristy could barely register what was going on—the door to the dressing room stall flew open and hit the wall with a bang, and the eyes she had just been picturing were suddenly reflected in the mirror. She was acutely aware of the fact that she was wearing nothing but a tank top and panties as a strong hand secured her wrists together behind her back and another clamped down over her mouth, suffocating the scream that rose in her throat. She could smell the sweat on his skin, taste the salt in her mouth.
Adrenaline and fear coursed through her veins. Desperate, Kristy thrashed as hard as she could, kicking backwards, hoping to weaken the stranglehold on her. Her foot connected with something unpleasantly squishy, and she heard the breath “oof” out of her attacker, but his grip did not slacken. Contrarily, he squeezed her tighter, crushing her to him so tightly that she couldn’t move at all.
Terrified as she was, Kristy fought through it all, fought to stay alive until help arrived, even though the harsh whisper that smelled of cigarette smoke and stale beer promised that no one was coming. She refused to believe what he said, and only fought harder. And when the blackness finally came and offered an escape from the pain, she fought that, too. And even when, in the end, it bowed her to its unbendable will, she did not go peacefully. Even in the blackness of death, the passion of her vendetta for the man who had done this to her sparked a fire to rival those in hell. The flames burned on in Kristy’s spirit, even as her body died. Kristy Adkins would not rest in peace. Not yet.

Jamie_rocks wrote:Kristy Adkins spun around, watching the ice-blue skirt flare up around her knees in the dressing room mirror.

Let's talk about your opening line.
I'm a big believer in really strong opening lines. Many people judge how a book/story will be solely on the opening line so it's important to make it good.
Your opening line is good because it introduces the main character (I'm assuming). However, it doesn't say 'Wow! I have to read to at least the end of the paragraph now.'
Something simple like 'I live to fight and I fight to live' (the opener of one of mine) intrigues the reader.
Experiment and have fun coming up with your 'wow' opening

Jamie_rocks wrote: Suddenly, Kristy thought she heard something—the sound of a key being turned in a lock.

This line annoyed me. I don't like the way it's phrased. 'Suddenly' bothers me and the fact that she 'thought' she heard something. Maybe try something like 'Kristy paused as she heard the sound of a key turning in the lock'.

Jamie_rocks wrote:“Hello?” she asked, holding her breath and listening hard. Everything was quiet, but at the same time, she felt a new urgency to buy the skirt and be on her way. She didn’t know why, but she found herself thinking of the man outside. He had been so creepy, with those beady, black eyes[s]…[/s] His face was in her mind as she let the skirt fall down to floor and picked up her jeans.

Wait. I thought she was at home in her bedroom. She's at a store?
The underlined phrase bothered me too. A simple 'She thought of him' would sound better to me.

Jamie_rocks wrote: [s]Then,[/s] several things happened so fast Kristy could barely register what was going on—the door to the dressing room stall flew open and hit the wall with a bang, and the eyes she had just been picturing were suddenly reflected in the mirror. She was acutely aware of the fact that she was wearing nothing but a tank top and panties as a strong hand secured her wrists together behind her back and another clamped down over her mouth, suffocating the scream that rose in her throat. She could smell the sweat on his skin, taste the salt in her mouth.

The underlined phrase feels rough to me. 'so fast', 'barely register', 'the eyes she had just been picturing' all just sound kind of juvenile to me.
I like the ending of the paragraph, it has good description and I like how it was written. Try to do that with this first part too.

Jamie_rocks wrote: Terrified as she was, Kristy fought through it all, fought to stay alive until help arrived, even though the harsh whisper that smelled of cigarette smoke and stale beer promised that no one was coming. She refused to believe what he said, and only fought harder. And when the blackness finally came and offered an escape from the pain, she fought that, too. And even when, in the end, it bowed her to its unbendable will, she did not go peacefully. Even in the blackness of death, the passion of her vendetta for the man who had done this to her sparked a fire to rival those in hell. The flames burned on in Kristy’s spirit, even as her body died. Kristy Adkins would not rest in peace. Not yet.

This underlined phrase bothered me too. It just seemed to frilly and cutesy. 'Terrified as she was' needs to go It doesn't flow very well to me.

I liked the ending of "Kristy Adkins would not rest in peace. Not yet." It's intriguing. You want to read the rest of the book. Do something like that with the opening line.

Honestly it didn't intrigue me much until those last two lines and now I really want to read on.
I think it'd definitely be worth continuing this

-Carly

Okay, thanks for taking the time to review this. I knew it would be flawed, as I just wrote it last night, so thanks for pointing everything out. Though as for the part where you thought she was at home, I'm pretty sure I clearly state "dressing room mirror" in the opening sentence. So other than that, I'll try and change everything else you pointed out as soon as I can. Thanks again.