The Survivor (Extract 9)

I sat on the beach, hugging my knees. I didn't speak to anybody. All I could do was think about him.

I had stared at the body for a few moments. It was heavy and cold, and the skin looked grey. There was a large gash across the top of his head, near his right ear. His eyes had rolled up into his head, so that just the whites were showing. Suddenly I gagged. I was violently sick, turning away from the body just in time. I had to get away from him. I plunged into the water, swam quickly across to the rocks, and pulled myself up the cliff. I moved quicker than I normally would, but I was terrified. Then I ran to the beach, and sat there, pulling strands of my hair out and biting my nails, my eyes moving constantly, alert, in case anyone tried to approach and kill me.

It was sunrise now. Normally I would appreciate the colours and warmth that the sun brang, but I was too distressed. I couldn't get him out of my head.
"Georgina?" I jumped. Alice was approaching me. "Whats wrong?" I turned my head towards her. I had to tell someone. The first time I tried, it came out as a croak.
"What?" Alice lent down towards me. I licked my licks, took a deep breath, and whispered my terrible secret into her ear.
"Brian's dead."

At first, Alice didn't believe me. But once she saw how stressed I was, she began to think that I was telling the truth. She may only have been seven, but she thought and acted like she was a lot older.
"What did you do with the body?" she asked.
"Left it down there." I muttered. I felt numb.
"Well we have to tell someone about this!" I shook my head.
"No. We don't know if anyone else is in on this. We can't trust anyone."
"We can trust Jack."
"I haven't seen him in a week now."
"I have. He's been helping out more. Hes a lot busier so that's probably why you haven't seen him- especially if you've been up the cliff for most of the time." I breathed a sigh of relief. Jack was OK.
"Fine. Lets go and see Jack."

Jack looked at me seriously.
"Are you sure you saw what you thought you saw?"
"Of course I'm sure!" I snapped. "How can you mistake a dead body for something else?" Jack held up his hands defensively.
"OK, OK. I was just hoping...oh, I don't know. Well. This creates a problem for me."
"For you?" I almost screamed at him. He hadn't seen Brian.
"Yes, for me," Jack continued. "Because I had a feeling that foul play was involved in Calum, Chloe and Kit's disappearances. This confirms it. I was hoping I was mistaken." I gaped at him.
"You mean....they were....no! That's stupid! Someone would find three dead bodies!" Jack looked resigned.
"Not if the bodies were gotten rid of."
"Huh?" Alice asked, but I had a horrible feeling I knew what he was talking about.
"Where do you think the food has been coming from?" Jack asked quietly. Alice snorted.
"From the wild boars that live here. Duh!"
"Have you ever seen one alive?" Jack asked her. I just stood there. I felt sick.
"Yes. There was that one that Sheila caught." Alice pouted.
"Did that one taste the same as the others?" I shook my head.
"No. It tasted different." I whispered.
"I think that that was the only genuine boar that's been on this island." Jack sighed. Alice was beginning to realise what he was saying now.
"You mean....we were eating people?!"
"Well done." Jack replied dryly. Alice looked from me to Jack. Then she sat down and started crying. I sat down next to her and put my arms around her. Part of me didn't want to believe Jack, but I somehow knew that he was right.
I had eaten my friends.

OOH I was right and YEAH Brian's bye bye.

I'm glad Brian is out of the picture (not that he needed to be) but it creates a whole new dilemma of who killed him. Maybe he commited suicide because he realized what he had done to those people. Or someone found out and got revenge. EEEE! I can't stand it.

Anyway, the writing piece had nothing wrong with it and I can't wait for the next.

No, I think there's something else here. Something on the island. I think it wasn't a person who killed Brian. No. I think it must have been something more dark and evil than ones we think.

Suddenly I gagged. I was violently sick, turning away from the body just in time.

You know, you wouldn't just stare at a body for a few minutes and then feel sick. You would feel nauseated the first time, and then you would vomit when it gets too horrifing.

"Georgina?" I jumped. Alice was approaching me. "Whats wrong?" I turned my head towards her. I had to tell someone.

Your name was Georgina? I thought it was 'Carrie'

She may only have been seven, but she thought and acted like she was a lot older.

I keep on forgetting that she was seven, because she do act older than she is.

"What did you do with the body?" she asked.

You should change this to "What did you do to the body?" She asked, after taking her hand off her mouth.

"Well we have to tell someone about this!" I shook my head.

Put a comma after 'Well'

I breathed a sigh of relief. Jack was OK.

You should spell OK, like okay.

"Well done." Jack replied dryly. Alice looked from me to Jack. Then she sat down and started crying.

You know, Alice would vomit when she hear's that she had been eating Human flesh. She wouldn't just cry.

Well, now this opened some mysteries, but there were new ones also. Like who killed Brian and all. Well, please, post the next chapter of the story. Please, I want to read it.

And well done on this chapter.

With Brian's death there is that mystery of who killed him and where Brian took the kids to kill them I'm surprised with all the searching Georgina or Carrie (I think you changed names) did, why were there no clues. In a forest not everything gets washed away by rain so there should've been some small thing as to where the kids went to be killed.

thanks for your comments
btw why does everyone think my character is called Carrie?
I've read through the story and I don't see why everyone thinks that

Yeah, I don't get why everyone thinks the character's name is Carrie

When I posted that last comment I hadn't read any of the other parts for like a month so I kinda forgot what her name was in the other extracts.

"Fine. Lets go and see Jack."


Jack looked at me seriously.

When did you find jack? he wasn't there a sentence ago?


Anyway, we need more description!!!

Imagine being at the scene, you are the main character ... What are the aromas in the air, do they make you feel at home or like you want to puke? What is the temperature like; do you feel cold or hot? What sort of background noises are there, do the mosquitoes buzzing seem loud and incessant? Are you trying to concentrate, or are you doing it purely by instinct, letting your mind take you along for the ride? Think about what you are doing, are you touching something? Is it cold? Does it feel natural, or is it heavy in your hand? What are you feeling? Do you feel remorse for taking a life, or just happy that everything worked out?

These are the things that make you show and not tell...